


Those Who Know

by PastelSunflor



Category: Toy Story (Movies)
Genre: Dark, Drama, Gen, Post-Canon, Suspense, Toys, Trauma, philosophical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-01-04 12:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21197777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelSunflor/pseuds/PastelSunflor
Summary: After 8 years of struggle, Sid Phillips might finally reach a closure with that haunting incident with the toys, and not only that but the fact he's not the only human who knows about them being alive.





	1. So Play Nice

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this fanfic contains dark and mature themes, read with caution.

> **"Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know."**   
**― Lao Tsu, Tao Teh Ching **

* * *

**Tri-County Area, ** **2003 **

_Yellow plaid shirt... a vest with a cow pattern... brown, wide-brimmed hat. Sharp disturbing eyes, looking at me without blinking even for a moment. Blood... Blood... Was there really blood?_ _I only saw black at some point._

_The smell of fire?_

_A Cowboy doll. Length of… 14 inches? No, 16 inches?_ _Everything looks bigger and scarier in memory._

_I won't forget the warm touch I felt in my hands when holding this doll. I know it wasn't really hot, it couldn't be. After all, it's not alive, not really... but it felt like it was burning my hand the moment it's head... _his_ head turned and..._

I suddenly get sick. I apologize to Mrs. Krang, and run to the bathroom, for the third time in this session. I can't think of it again.

I don't know why, but when I talk about it with Mrs. Krang, I react differently when those thoughts fuck with my head when I'm alone. As if telling Mrs. Krang feels dangerous, feels like _they know_ and _I really shouldn't tell anyone_.

But Mrs. Krang is good, and after not a very long time trying to hide the truth from her, she managed to get the story out of me.

Mrs. Krang says I developed paranoia and delirious thoughts following my parents' neglect, and one day I made up - no, _my mind_ made up, since apparently it decided to betray me - the story with the toys because my mind compared the toys to my parents and they judged me like I believe my parents are...

Or some bullshit like that. She says it's a defensive system I developed for myself.

So if it's defensive, why do I feel like shit? Why am I so scared of something that didn't really happen? How exactly is it protective this way?

And if it's just a defense, why does it feel _so real_?

It isn't possible, that just before _that event_, my mind was on predator mode, violent and vicious, and suddenly it switched to prey mode, a pussy. Something about the story just doesn't seem right. It can't be that it really happened. It couldn't be that at that moment I became a different person.

I read somewhere, that people with trauma and depression tend to have their personality changed. But could that really be what's happening to me? And why?

All these thoughts have not stopped running in my head every moment for 8 years.

No matter how many medications I'm given, nothing wipes that day off my memory. Although I try to hide it from Mrs. Krang, she knows they aren't working, but acting as if they are to make me feel better. I have a lot of respect for her for this.

"Sid, I thought you made progress." I hear Mrs. Krang say in disappointment behind me as all the contents of my stomach spill into what I later realize is her dog's bed and not the toilet.

For a long time, I didn't feel this familiar sense of defeat when someone is disappointed in me. But she is different from my parents and teachers, her disappointment is what I think (or at least hope) is because she cares about me.

The truth is, I thought so too, Mrs. Krang. I think I _was_ moving forward. Well, I did manage to keep myself so busy that I hardly had thoughts, except for a few difficult nights.

Working in a garbage truck is a job that only occurs in the morning, so I volunteer myself for every other possible job, doing everything I can to keep myself busy enough and have minor time to think. Though there's nothing I can do to beat those lonely dark nights, staring at ceiling and _thinking_ helplessly about _that goddamn day_.

But for a change, for the first time in a long time, I really believed I could feel better. But… something happened, once again.

"Mrs. Krang..." I say, my mouth full of vomit, as much as I'm full with despair. I'm always surprised that Mrs. Krang accepts me even in my most awful times. She is the only person who I ever felt that cares about me, even if just a little.

"What is wrong, Sid?" She approaches me and sits next to me, looking at me at an eye level. I look at her with glazed eyes.

I approach her with secrecy, so _they won't hear_, and whisper: "_Something happened a few days ago._"

Mrs. Krang closes her eyes and sighs. "Sid, why didn't you called me at that moment?"

"Because ... I'm not sure it really happened, but-" Then I freeze.

Ralph, Mrs. Krang's dog enters the house through his door hole. But that's not the problem. The problem is what he holds in his dripping mouth. A cloth doll with her head torn and inclined down, her eyes looking straight into my eyes.

I point at her with a trembling finger and start screaming. My heart is heavy in my chest and black spots slowly spread over my sight. I can feel my eyes rolling, as if I'm about to faint.

Mrs. Krang snatches the doll from Ralph's mouth, which makes it tear, now her head is completely cut off from her body, still looking into my eyes.

And then all I see is black.

...

"Sid, you know I'm doing everything so you have a puppet-free environment here. I'm really sorry." Mrs. Krang tells me as she replaces the wet cloth resting on my forehead.

"Relax, everything is fine now." She says calmly.

I stare into the air. I haven't uttered a word since I pulled myself together after a couple of minutes since Mrs. Krang took the doll away from my sight. I just can't.

Usually I don't respond like that when I see ripped dolls. But this time it's different. I think I know her. No, I'm sure. Button eyes, one of which is now missing; Semi-torn red curls; The disturbing red stain on her pink velvet dress.

"Mrs. Krang."

"Yes, Sid?"

"Can I ... see the doll?"

Mrs. Krang looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Are you… sure, Sid?"

"_I'm sure._" I say, and my voice breaks in apprehension.

Mrs. Krang hands me the doll carefully, a strange situation in which she is afraid I will break because of a doll touching me.

I hold the doll with shaking hands. This is my first time holding an object aimed at entertaining children. Yes, that's its goal.

Like I thought, the doll is familiar to me. I examine her, turning her around. Mrs. Krang has already fixed it, which bothers me more than the thought that I would hold it headless. Why did she rush to fix it? Maybe she's afraid of them too? Maybe I'm just paranoid, and she did it because she thought her headless appearance was what bothered me, because it makes perfect sense...

Usually the opposite is true. If she was headless, it would encourage me because I knew she was harmless, pitiful in a way she could do nothing to me. This is also why I work with a garbage truck, to feel that I am responsible for their destruction, revenge them. There is nothing more reassuring to me than seeing them ruined in these piles of garbage, crushed under the weight of the machine, can do nothing to me.

But this doll, specifically. I'm almost entirely sure that it's _that one_.

I stare at her for a few seconds, barely blinking, my breathing is heavy. She fills my two palms, like a newborn baby. She is silent, looking at me and doing nothing.

But I'm sure that as soon as Mrs. Krang leaves the room, she will leap onto me, her mouth open, full of sharp teeth-

Mrs. Krang suddenly rises from the couch carefully, heading for her kitchen.

"I'll give you a moment with her alone, I'm going to bring something to soothe you-" Mrs. Krang says as she slowly moves away, my heart begins to throb hard in my chest.

"_-Just a moment, Mrs. Krang. Don't go!_" I insist, my voice whimpering.

"Sid, you'll manage alone. You are making a big step now. I'll only go for a few moments." She says, her voice of begging for my cooperation. She stays still, waiting for my final approval.

I wonder if I really should tell Mrs. Krang about what happened with this doll. Maybe everything was really all in my mind?

But now that I see her, hold her… This doll was watching me around my house,_ stalked me_. I'm sure I saw her looking at me.

What if the doll will be mad at me for telling?

Mrs. Krang will probably say she belongs to my neighbors, but she knows I live in a childless building, on purpose. I prevent any encounter with toys I can.

The doll was there for sure,_ I saw her_.

I knew I shouldn't have taken the basement apartment, but my requirements and my poverty left me with no choice.

But how could it be that the same doll is here. The distance from Mrs. Krang's house to my house... Her dog couldn't have brought her from there.

Oh my god. She followed me, I have no doubt. She sneaked into my truck, hid there without me noticing her. Ha. Ha ha ha.

Does she think she's so sophisticated? She thinks...

My hands seem to shake more than before. I imagine thousands of bad things I can do to this doll, with every object around me. The violent side of my brain is trying to take command. But the other part, the traumatized part, is stopping me. I want to, but I can't.

Truth be told, I'm not even sure I do want to. Whenever I'm glad to see them hurt, getting revenge for what they did to me, I feel as equally bad. Feel bad for them.

After all, if what happened to me really happened, then they are living beings. And I hurt them a lot in the past. I did terrible things to them. Doesn't it justify their revenge at me? Maybe I should just... let them? Maybe then… maybe then I'll be free.

Suddenly I feel a wetness on my cheek, which snaps me out of the frozen state I'm in. I notice tears streaming down my cheeks. Mrs. Krang hands me a tissue with an encouraging smile.

"Is there anything you want to say to this doll, Sid?" Mrs. Krang tries to connect us. I can't get my eyes off the eye-button, even though it feels like her glare is burning me.

After what feels like a few minutes of silence, in which Mrs. Krang does not urge me to respond, I finally decide to respond.

"_I'm sorry._" I say to the doll, quietly. I feel weird, though not due to the situation being weird because of what most _sane_ people would probably think. But because I never thought I would be the first between the toys and I to say that. Maybe I need to be the adult between us.

I look at Mrs. Krang who seems very pleased with this bizarre situation, and I emit a laugh of embarrassment mixed with a slight cry.

"Let's give her a new eye, right Sid? I'm sure she would appreciate it very much." Mrs. Krang says gently, smiling. She crouches and starts to search in boxes under her desk. She pulls out a button that looks completely different from the doll's other eye button. I wonder if the doll would mind.

She signals me to bring her the doll and I hand it to her with trembling hands.

I don't know why but I feel disappointed, as if I felt something good was going to happen if I just wait a few minutes with the doll in my hands. Suddenly, I want Mrs. Krang to leave us alone.

She fixes it, sews the odd button to where her previous eye was - until the last time I saw her at least.

"That's it. Perfect, right?" Mrs. Krang says and holds her kindly as if she were a perfect creation, or her little girl. She even taps her nose and makes a _boop_ sound.

Mrs. Krang places the doll in her pantry and turns back to me. I look at the doll that looks blurry now behind the glass. My heart jumps at the sight of seeing her move, though I reassure myself she must have just fallen.

"You have progressed today, I'm proud of you." Mrs. Krang says encouragingly.

"Are you going to leave her there?" I point to the doll in the pantry with concern. I may not have progressed as we think. Mrs. Krang looks at the doll for a few seconds and then at me.

"I think we can use her at the next meeting." She says cautiously, putting a finger on her mouth thoughtfully.

"Ah-" I start to protest, but Mrs. Krang immediately silences me.

"-But we'll see how you're doing before that. Don't worry." She calms me down. I sigh and nod.

I wave to Mrs. Krang on my way outside, and when she closes her door behind I immediately feel nauseous.

Now it's the real test. Mrs. Krang saw the doll, and she's inside her pantry. If I see the doll again in my home area, I'll know for sure that _everything is true_.


	2. When He Was The Toy Abuser

_ " _ Reach for the sky… _ ” _

_ I was 11 years old, just about to lighten the rocket that was connected to the Buzz Lightyear that I found at the “Pizza Planet”, when a strange metallic sound was heard behind me. My heart was still pounding from the rush of the violence I was about to commence onto the toy, shoot it to the sky above me, look at it explode. It always made me feel better, smash and ruin things brutally. I was the master, the king. _

_ I thought that it might have gotten to my head, like has always happened to me when I got too excited. _

_ “Huh?” I murmured out, in confusion. _ I’m probably imagining things _ , I thought. _

_ I turned around the the source of the sound, dropped the match onto the floor and stepped on it. _

_ “ _ This town ain’t big enough for the two of us. _ ” The metallic sound continued. _

_ “What?” I wondered. I kept walking toward where I’ve put the cowboy toy, where the noise seemed to be coming from. _

_ I looked at the cowboy doll in confusion and picked it up. _

_ “Someone poisoned the waterhole!” the toy announced. _

_ “Huh, It’s busted.” I said and laughed to myself. But as I was about to throw the toy away, I didn’t knew that my life is going to change completely from this moment forward. _

_ “Who are you calling busted, buster?” the sound from the toy became stronger, as if I turned the volume up. I slowly looked at the toy that was still in my hand. _

What? _ I turned the toy around, it must be a joke. there must be some Walkie Talkie attached to it. But who would do that, and how? _

_ As I see there’s nothing there, _ it _ continues. _

_ “That’s right, I’m talking to you,” it kept going, and then, slowly, said: “ _ Sid Phillips. _ ” _

_ My heart started beating fast in my chest. This can’t be happening, I thought. _

_ I turned it to look at me, it’s face stayed still. _

_ This can’t be happening. _

_ “ _ We don’t like being blown up, Sid. _ ” the voice inside the toy kept going, sounding so scarily… furious. _

_ “ _ Or, smashed, _ ” it continued, “ _ or ripped apart. _ ” _

_ “W-we?” I asked it, confused and terrified. What am I doing? _

_ My hands were shaking, but I clenched onto the doll hard. What is going on? I am imagining this, right? Maybe dad spilled one of his drinks into my food? _

_ It’s gotta be it. It’s gotta be it. It’s gotta be it. _

_ “ _ That’s right, _ your _ toys. _ ” The toy kept talking, emphasizing the word _ your _ , and then I heard strange noises behind me. _

_ I turned around, hyperventilating from the stress, hoping I’m just in some horrible nightmare that will end soon. _

_ But what I saw shocked me to the core. The toys, my - no - other people’s toys, that I took and disassembled them and made them my own creation, they all rose up and _ walked toward me _ . They walked, crawled and _ limped _ toward me. _

_ I couldn’t breathe, move or even think. I was staring at them, frozen and blank as they slowly came closer to me. _

_ Eventually I managed to unfreeze myself and stepped back, slowly with their pace. _

_ When they reached me, they started leaping onto me, even from above me somehow. _

_ I started screaming and weeping, confused and terrified. _

_ “ _ From now on you must take good care of your toys. _ ” The cowboy toy shouted at me, and I noticed the toys are slowly cornering me. _

_ “ _ Because if you don’t, we’ll find out, Sid. _ ” continued the cowboy. I lifted it and looked at its face, hands shaking. It was burning in my hands, which were sweating so much I couldn’t understand how it didn’t slip. _

_ “ _ We toys,“ _ It said, and I looked at it with shaken teeth. “ _ can see _ everything _ . _ ” _

_ As it said that, it’s head turned around, a complete 360 degrees turn. I gasped. _

_ “ _ So play _ nice.” It’s face moved as it said that, spitting the word like poison. It was pronouncing and facially expressing every word. _

_ I threw it away and started screaming. I ran into the house and I was pissing my pants, but I didn’t care. My only thought was running away from this terrible nightmare. _

_ … _

I could have moved on. Maybe it was just a bad dream. I could make myself believe that. 

But _ they _ didn’t let me. 

It wasn’t very _ bold _ at first. _ They _ were careful, I know they were. 

But there’s one thing I can’t remember. I don’t remember if I threw them all away, because after that nightmare they were all gone. All my toys. 

At first, I thought maybe my mom threw them, but it was way too convenient. Well, a rational thought of an only 11 years old kid. 

Only later, when things started to be more _ obvious _ to me I really considered the thought that they might have gone on their own, because I couldn’t remember anything about throwing them away. 

I kept with my life, swallowing down and shutting my strange new fears. I’ve put all my remaining toys - or anything that I had left in the attic. 

And then, it was the first time I caught them moving since the nightmare. 

I started noticing something. Something - or someone - was following me. I was sure of it. 

I was walking home from school, throwing my torn ball around, hitting things. It was the first time I noticed I wasn’t enjoying this force anymore. The kicking and smashing things weren’t making me happy anymore. On the contrary, it was making me anxious. 

I was deep in thought, confused and disturbed due to my changed personality, so much that I didn’t notice those eyes that were following, and glaring at me so forcefully. 

But those eyes wanted me to notice them. They wanted to make sure I understand that what happened wasn’t just a bad dream. 

They kept following me around. I don’t know how many of them were there until this day, but they didn’t stop showing and I started noticing them. 

Weather it was only when walking by toy shops, or just going to bring mail home. I saw them. 

They weren't doing much of anything at first. Just standing and staring at me, from the shelf, from the other side of the street. I kept walking faster, still clinging to the thought I’m just imagining things, but they didn’t seem to be gone. Slowly, they were everywhere. 

At that time, I found myself screaming so much, day and night that I would lose my voice constantly. 

When I was sleeping (which was a very difficult task), my dreams were switched to nightmares, nightmares of toys doing bad things to me. And as I grew, with my advancing knowledge, my imagination with those things gotten more creative and worse. 

My parents were confused when they noticed my changed behaviour, my strange screams that woke them in the middle of the night. 

My dad would hit me everytime I woke him with my screams, trying to shut me up with force. But not even this shut me up, so I decided to physically shut myself up with a duct tape. The only thing that cheered me up at that time was that this plan worked. My screams were muffled enough so my dad won’t hear and won't hit me in the middle of the night for screaming my lungs out. 

At some point, I couldn’t deal with it by myself anymore. I couldn’t keep it inside me. I would go back and forth, thinking about who the hell I could tell? 

And then there was Alissa. She was a girl from my school that I started to like at that time. I don’t know if I really liked her, but she was the only one that was nice to me at that time, if you include a girl that doesn’t curse me as nice. 

This dark and hollow feeling kept filling me and I knew I had to do it. I had to tell someone and it has to be her, or I’m going to either burst, or kill myself. 

I sat next to her at lunch, trying hard to make conversation. She was confused at first, but the conversation between us slowly flowed.

We kept talking, and slowly we became friends. She was my first and only friend I ever had. For the first time, I thought I could even forget about what happened to me. Alissa was slowly making it all go away, the fear, the loneliness. I was falling in love with her, for the first time in my life. I didn’t even like girls until then, thought they're much less interesting than crushing and burning toys. How wrong was I. 

But the toys kept their thing, and they were definitely testing me. They weren't very pleased with my happiness with Alissa. 

I managed us to reach the topic of “toys” at one of the lunch breaks, and thought this was my chance. I told Alissa I have a “minor” problem with toys.

Alissa laughed her sweet laugh, and that calmed me down. I felt like I could really tell her. 

But Alissa did the worst thing she could without knowing.

She reached a hand into her bag, and introduced me to Snuff, her new stuffed bunny that she found the other day at a second hand shop. 

I knew Snuff. He was one of the toys the stared at me when I was reading a comic at the library, When I was playing games at the arcade, from across the street. Oh, I knew Snuff. 

Snuff stared at me quietly, but I could see the evil expression on his face, eager to show up.

And then, the only thought I had in my brain, for the first time in a long time, was that Snuff is gonna get revenge. 

Suddenly I wasn't afraid, or maybe I just didn't care. I snatched Snuff with cruelty from Alissa’s hand, the blood flowing in me with poison, and teared him to little pieces with every force that I had. 

Alissa screamed at me to stop, but I was so pleased, so pleased to look at Snuff’s pathetic face when I tore him apart. 

I got expelled for violent behaviour. I didn't even mind that I couldn't tell them the truth, I was pleased with what happened, and I didnt care anymore about the consequences. I didn’t care that people mocked me and called me “Puppet Killer”, or “Bunny Murderer.” or that my dad hit me for embarrassing him, I didn’t care about what _ the humans _ would do to me. 

But _ the toys _ were obviously _ furious _, and they wanted to make me know that they were. 

This time, they weren’t gentle with their massages anymore, they were _ bold _. They straight up left me notes, telling me the toys watch me, the toys know what happened, and that I’m going to pay for the things that I’ve done. 

But every time I thought I collected those notes and looked for them again, they were gone as if they never were.

Suddenly I was going back to contemplating if maybe I was just going nuts? Maybe it wasn’t really happening? I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. 

Alissa never talked to me after that day.

I didn’t care much for being left alone like this, like I thought I would. I was too busy in my own mental breakdowns and rocking with fear. 

From that moment forward, I avoided any chance of meeting with toys, and I didn't let myself be alone. If I’m with someone else even if it meant sitting on the couch by my abusive drunk father - ironically, it made me feel a little safer. I was more scared of the toys then him. 

I was lucky that my parents weren’t the most generous to me. They didn’t gave me much toys, so I barely had any encounter with ones of my own. 

But my sister’s toys. I knew couldn’t run away from them as easily. 

It was hard to hide the sudden change with my reaction to her toys, not wanting to harm them or even touch them anymore. She didn’t understand why I seemed so terrified of them suddenly.

She noticed something was wrong but used it to her advance, like I used to do to her. She would mock me by putting her toys around the house, and laughed at my reaction. 

But lucky for me, she kept with the habit of locking the door of her room so I won't steal her toys, so it made me more comfortable. Ha, what an idiot. 

I started changing my routes so I wouldn’t go near toy stores, kindergartens or any place with children because that meant that there would probably be toys around. 

As time went by, it seemed the measures I took against them really worked. I didn’t stumble upon another unfortunate occurrence with a toy, besides of my own imagination and nightmares.

The only times where I mostly did, were when I watched them being smashed in the garbage truck, helpless, can't do anything to me.

...But for some strange reason, somewhere in my heart, at some point I noticed I was mourning them. Sometimes, even tears slipped down my cheek when I watched them being gruesomely murdered. _ Murdered, huh? _

But… I swear that sometimes I heard them calling my name for help.

It forced me to think. Maybe they weren’t so bad after all? Maybe I should have done something else? 

Since then, I would wonder a lot if I really managed to prevent things, or did they just leave me alone?

Or maybe I’m just going crazy. 

…

8 years after, 8 almost silent years, she brought me back to where I was then. The doll with the button eyes, that doesn't match anymore. 

But this time I’m gonna be different. I’m gonna get the truth I deserve.

I can’t wholeheartedly say there wasn’t a tiny place in my heart waiting for this moment. 


	3. Toy Hunting

From the moment I leave Mrs. Krang 's house, I start to plan.

For years I’ve been wondering to myself what will I do as soon as the toys will return to my life, and now it's time being serious about it.

I'm going to catch them, physically, and I'll get answers from them.

I’ll even torture them if needed, as I would do when I was a kid, when I didn't think they might be alive... 

...Well, maybe I won’t go that far. After all, I'm not that person anymore.

On the way home I stop at number of tool and hunting shops, but the shop I need the most is obviously close to the big toy store I always try to avoid. I sigh. _ Get courage, Sid . This is your chance. _

I arrive a few meters in front of the store, and stop. I take a deep breath. _ You can do the this, Sid. _

I walk toward the store, eyeing the toy store. I haven’t been here for years.

Somehow I find myself enticed to walk and stand in front of the toy store’s window display, like in some kind of trance. The lights from the toys reflect and shine in my eyes. I haven’t done it in a long time.

I look at them while I’m trembling, trying hard not to make eye contact with any of them. I feel goose bumps all over me due to the sound of music emanating from some of them. All the toys are having frozen smiles, doing their own repetitive or inanimate things. But the most important thing, they don't do anything to _ me_.

I swallow hard, feeling a little silly. 

One of the toys suddenly emits bubbles of various sizes into the air. A little smile is spreading on my face when I remember that when I was little, I wanted a toy just like this one. But my smile is erased when I remember that when I asked my dad to buy me one, he called me faggot. 

At moments like these, I wonder if Mrs. Krang's theory might be true. Maybe this trauma _ is _ just an invention of my brain because of my parents.

Well, I hope soon I'll find out the truth.

I walk into the hunting shop and take a few things I listed in the makeshift list I made on my way from Mrs. Krang's house to here.

When I get to the cashier he looks at the things I put on the desk, and then at me, in confusion. My goatee and the scattered look are probably no exception to other hunters, but my insane appearance is hard to hide. I wonder if murderers buy from him a lot.

The cashier asks me what kind of hunting I'm getting ready for, so he can advise me (I think he is just afraid that I’m planning kidnapping. Well, it is true).

I can’t control myself and I laugh nervously. He narrows his eyes in response. _ What am I supposed to answer? _

I can't think fast (I've always been mocked for being slow sometimes) and choose - maybe not very wisely - to be honest. Even if I make up a lie, I don't want to dig myself a hole I can’t escape. I’ve had enough of these in my life. 

"I'm hunting toys." I say. 

The seller looks at me for a moment, completely silent. I look at him back , not saying anything either, hoping that he’ll move on and let me go quietly.

"Oh , you mean as practice? Yes, the idea is known for beginners, I did this with my son many times." He says, and then he takes out a picture from under the counter and shows it to me. In the picture, he is shown with his son, who is holding a torn tiger toy. His son is wearing a very pleased expression on his face, as if he had caught a real tiger. The ripped tiger toy nauseates me.

"Are you teaching anyone?" He asks me.

"Oh, no, just myself." I swallow and say quietly, hoping it will pass safely.

"Well, good luck. I'll tell you the truth, you don’t need to buy all of this for fake catching toys, but do what you want." He begins to scan the items in the machine and examines the non-associated with narrow eyes. He looks at me and I smile innocently, and he continues, not saying anything.

"If you need a course, I'm starting one soon." He says, handing me a business card. I take it, just in case I might need it.

When he finishes I thank him and as I go out the door, I sigh as if I was holding my breath all this time.

I continue walking toward my house, and throughout the way I’m extremely alert, looking around obsessively.

For now, I don’t see anything signifying her arrival, or the arrival of another toy. But it's probably just the quiet before the storm.

I step into the apartment and turn on the lights carefully, expecting every moment for a toy to jump onto me.

I start arranging traps in every doorway in the house and even in the sewers. I’m hiding them strategically, feeling proud at myself for doing so. Though quite soon after I feel more like an idiot and laugh at myself. 

But there is no telling where they will come from. I set traps of all sizes, from mouse traps to dog-sized traps. I can't tell what the size of the next toy will be.

I put the ropes and all the other gear I bought in quick and accessible areas.

And last but not least, I hide my shotgun under the mattress. I don't know how effective it will be, but I do have my fingers crossed. Especially considering that I haven't shot a shotgun in years, since the last time I spent time in my grandfather's presence. Though I've never been good at it.

This is the first time in a long time that I easily fall asleep, with a smile on my face, feeling a little confident.

…

At night, I have a dream where the doll found by Mrs. Krang comes to my house. But the nature of the dream is not flooded with a bad feeling, on the contrary, it has a sense of hope. The doll doesn't even get to my apartment, and she’s caught in one of my mouse traps.

Then Ralph, Mrs. Krang's dog, is swallowing her whole. Which, of course, makes no sense. But everything is dreams seems logical.

I wake up the next day, and as I open my eyes I find myself jumping out of bed, and scan all the traps right away. I hope to maybe find her there, but nothing.

I remind myself that I have to be more patient. It will happen in the end. I will prove myself that I am sane. 

I'm starting to get ready for work, eat breakfast, take a shower and wear my black-with-a-skull-drawing work shirt. When I was little I'd wear it a lot, feeling as if it protects me because no one in school would come near me when I was wearing it. Others were always threatened by it. 

In my job, I still prefer not to waste my other clothes, not that they are much cleaner.

I breathe a sigh of relief. For a long time I haven't felt refreshed like this, especially not this early in the morning. I think this is the first time I have slept through a full night, almost completely clean of nightmares, and I feel a little good with myself.

I arrive at the garbage truck compound, and begin my work. I am the youngest employee there, both in age and working time, and I’m treated accordingly.

"Good morning, Sidney." Stanley tells me with an amused tone. Stanley doesn’t like me, but he likes picking on me, like all other workers. But he is the worst. He takes every opportunity to fuck with me. I give him a cold “Good morning.” in return. I hate when people use my full name, and he knows it. 

"What happened, your boyfriend broke up with you?" Stanley shouts at me when I'm avoiding him, and I hear the whole rest of the employees laughing . I sigh, but I try to remind myself that I’m used to it. 

I look at the team board for today. Damn it, it’s Sunday, which means we go two trucks to the same route. I'm in one of them, and Stanley is on the other one. I sigh.

I feel someone putting his hand on my shoulder tightly and I give him an irritated stare.

"Can't wait to murder puppets, huh, Sidney?" Stanley asks me. Fuck me and my craziness. Stanley caught me several times early in my job days eagerly cursing toys that were being crushed under the weight of the garbage truck. Since then he has not missed a chance to mock me about it .

I get on my (toy-safe) garbage truck quietly, and luckily the rest of my shift partners (except Stanley) are less distressing and talkative. 

I work more slowly and Stanley keeps urging me to hurry, and "imitates me" by making sexual gestures on dolls that are pinned to his truck. The other employees laugh. 

Usually, it would have sparked me with glorious anger, but my mind is stuck in a completely different place. I keep thinking about what would happen if I could really catch those toys. Lucky for the employees, at some point I get tired of myself and decide to just detach myself from these thoughts.

When I’ll get to the bridge, I’ll cross it. 

I put on my big headphones with my favourite rock music, and the rest of the shift passes with pleasure. Stanley leaves me alone, and I'm in a good mood. So much that I start drumming on the bins when the other workers don't notice. I let myself feel free.

But in one of the bins I drum on, I suddenly feel something strange. I take off my headphones and listen. I knock on the bin, and then I hear a knock back.

My heart starts beating hard in my chest. If only I had my shotgun. 

"_ Sid… _" I hear a quiet sound coming from inside the bin.

"Huh?" I wait for a few seconds, then hear another knock that startles me, then the voice saying again ,"_ Sid... _" 

I give a look at the other employees, but they are busy with their own and don’t seem to notice what is happening. 

I decide to open the lid, and do so with shaking hands.

Suddenly, something jumps on me, and I recognize it as one of the dolls that were on Stanley’s truck.

I scream in panic and fall back, throwing the doll away from me. The tears are streaming down the sides of my eyes when I stare at it with horror.

I hear another noise from the bin, and when I’m about to imagine the worst that would happen, Stanley pops out of the bin, writhing in laughter.

The other employees gather around us and are writhing with laughter as well, some of them holding their stomachs and kneeling on the floor.

I look at them without moving completely in shock. They continue to laugh for a few minutes and don’t stop. 

The feelings of fear inside me turn into strong feelings of anger and I stand up.

Stanley and other employees are beginning to mimic my reaction. The dog from the garden next to us starts barking at us due to our noise, and lights in the buildings around are slowly turning on one after one.

I feel heat filling my face, and I can't stop the tears from streaming down. They caught me at a sensitive moment, and I feel like I'm falling apart, experiencing another crisis like I had at Mrs. Krang’s house just yesterday. 

“Look, you made him piss his pants!” One of the other employees point at my crotch, and when I lower my eyes, I see that he’s right. Just like when the toys ambushed me. 

I decide to run away. I run far away from them, don’t mind if i’ll get fired for this or not. 

"Come on, Sidney, we were joking." I hear Stanley shouting at me with a contempt tone. "I didn’t thought you are like that." 

"Forget that fag." I hear one of the other employees say a second before I’m far enough not to hear them. 

…

I reach my apartment and throw myself on the bed so hard I feel a loud screech sound. I let off steam into the pillow. I don’t even consider changing my clothes. 

I can't contain the strong feelings that bottled up inside me. Every time I let myself be positive, be hopeful that things are gonna get better, it must be snatched away from me. All the good things get demolished in a moment, when I realise everything is bullshit. I just probably don't deserve it. 

I growl and turn from side to side, unable to relax. Each sound I hear gets me out of bed and makes me re-examine all the traps in anxiety.

After a few times it happens, when I go back to bed I start screaming into the pillow and bite into it. I bang on the bed hard and I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. My heart doesn't stop beating hard in my chest and I start sweating everywhere in my body. All the violence that is gathering inside me is trying to burst out. 

I hate Stanley and the other employees, and my family, and the toys, and _ myself _ . _ I'm tired of myself. _

The neighbors knock on the wall and shout at me to be quiet. I get up, and start hitting the wall back, imagining as if I'm hitting them.

"We'll call the police, Sid!" They yell at me.

"So fucking call them already!" I scream back at them, and knock one last time on the wall. That is not enough for me. I can't let go of the awful feelings that are swelling up inside me. 

I move swiftly and uncontrollably to my kitchen drawer, taking out a knife. I try to breathe deeply, as Mrs. Krang tries to teach me to do in moments like these, but can't seem to take control over my body, it decides what it wants to do. And it wants to hurt me. 

I take the knife, and cut my wrist with trembling hands where the scars from the previous times are. It burns and I try to muffle my scream, closing my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks. Somehow I manage to stop myself after one cut by forcing myself to think of Mrs. Krang and her face when she will find out that I hurt myself again. 

I hold my bleeding wrist, and fall to the floor. I start crying hysterically and I can't stop.

After a few minutes, after slowly calming down, I hear sirens from outside.

I try to get up but I feel heavy, so I stay on the floor. I look at my bleeding cut, which looks less worse than it feels. I didn't cut deep enough for something bad to happen to me.

I hear a knock on the door, and a voice from the other side lets me know it's the police, as if I didn’t guess. I get up and walk to the door, tripping on the way.

I finally reach and slowly open it, but until I do they almost break it themselves. 

They try to ask me some questions, something like if I’m high or sick, but I can't completely make up what they are saying.

The world is still spinning, and I feel like I'm about to collapse. They realize pretty quickly that I need help, and they decide to take me with them. I'm not fighting them, lowering my gaze and do what they tell me to do.

They don't handcuff me, only lead me slowly to their car. 

I fall asleep in the police car, and wake up when one of the police officers helps me to get out of the car. As we leave, I see that we have reached the hospital.

Everything is too mixed up for me to understand, but somehow I find myself in a room and lay there on the bed. I feel a stab in my arm, and then I hear familiar words like "nervous breakdown" and "self harm" being exchanged between people around me, without managing to concentrate enough to see them.

I look at my wrist and see it’s bandaged.

Everything gets dim and slow more and more, but way better than before. I lean my head and close my eyes. 

Suddenly, through all the muffled voices, I hear a familiar voice, and then someone puts a warm hand on me. 

I look and see the Mrs. Krang smiling at me from my side.

"_Hey, _" I say with a drugged tone, and suddenly realize they have injected something in me. 

"Sid, what happened?" She asks, in a worried voice. Her face blends into all sorts of shapes and colors. I giggle.

She pauses for a few minutes, realizing I'm not in a position to communicate. Then suddenly I think of something, and the urge to ask dominates my confusion.

"What about the doll in your pantry?" I ask her, in a voice half-serious half-drugged. 

Mrs. Krang looks at me with wide eyes. 

"W-what?" I ask her, too confused to think why she would react this way. 

"Nothing, Sid." She says suddenly, trying to hide her surprise. "Why are you asking?"

"Are you hiding something from me, Mrs. Krang?" I say, trying to be serious, but my voice is emitted in an amused tone. "Don’t lie ‘cause I have ‘nough trust issues without it, ya know?" I press her on the nose and laugh. She lowers my hand and sighs. 

"Of course not, Sid, just promise me you won't make a big deal out of it. I noticed it at morning, and wondered what to tell you when you’ll find out. Just know that it must have been Ralph’s doing." She says quietly. 

"Make a big deal out of what?" I ask, confused. 

"I can't find her." She says. 


	4. The Trapped Toy

"_What do you mean she's gone? _" I look at her in shock. My thoughts are vague, but I still manage to make sense of it. Ralph couldn't get there, or completely eliminate it.

The nurse walks in, and when she sees Mrs. Krang, she looks surprised.

"Sorry, ma'am. Do you have permission to be here?" She asks her, her voice sounds angry.

"I'm his psychologist." Mrs. Krang answers her in confusion.

"Do you have anything to confirm this?" The nurse asks her, arms crossed and looks tired, as if she has to deal with situations like this all the time.

"You called me." Mrs. Krang impatiently answers her.

"Nobody called you ma'am. Neither we nor the police." The nurse says and points to the door. "I'll have to ask you to leave."

"What do you mean? So who called me?" Mrs. Krang stands up and the nurse takes a step back. "I talked to a young girl, she had a bit of a high voice—" She continues, but the nurse interrupts her.

"I don't know who _ she _ is." The nurse says. "I'll have to confirm that you're his psychologist, otherwise you can't be here right now."

Mrs. Krang looks at me and sighs. "I'll get you a permit, it's in my car." She says to the nurse. 

The nurse leads her out, and they both leave me by myself. I feel my chest rise and fall, the world still hazy. 

"She must be looking for me." I tell no one. "I-I need to catch her!" I declare.

I leap out of bed. If the doll was gone just a few hours ago, maybe I could catch her in action. And anyway, she must have gone to look for me, didn't she? I mustn't miss the opportunity.

I'm lucky I'm sedated, otherwise I'd probably pee my pants right now. On the other hand, I don't really think straight, which might be dangerous. Not that I’m in any state to care. 

I stumble on the door of the room, giggling to myself. I look around. The world doesn't stay in one place, turning and blurring.

"_ I'll catch her! _" I whisper resolutely, and open the door after several times I completely miss the handle and it hits my head. Ouch.

I fall into the hallway, lifting myself as fast as possible even though my body feels heavier than ever. I look around, and luckily the hall is empty.

I lean on the wall and use it to move forward, my eyes wide trying to get mr focus, but in vain. Everything just keeps blending and mingling more.

I hear Mrs. Krang and the nurse talking on the way to the elevator, and I take a sharp turn to the other side.

I bump into someone who only scolds me and says I should look where I'm going.

I reach the elevators on the other side, and press the buttons nonstop. When I stop eventually because my fingers are getting tired, I see an older guy looking at me in confusion. I smile at him and looks away, annoyed.

I lean my head against the wall as I wait for the lift to arrive, and when my head is smeared my face turns down and I look at my shirt and see the skeleton symbol. I smile, feeling protected.

The elevator reaches my floor and when the door finally opens, inside it stands an older woman in a nurse's uniform holding a girl's hand, who looks too big to hold her hand. I go in and at first I don't notice what the girl holds, just leaning my head against the elevator wall, closing my eyes and sighing calmly.

But then the girl opens her mouth.

"Mom, Mr. Pokkins says he wants ice cream. Can we go buy some? Can we?!" Her voice is pleading, sounds like it belongs to a little girl, though it doesn't match her looks which I can see but in many distortions.

"Maggie, can you relax? I told you you can't eat more ice cream today." Her mother tells her with a tired tone. 

"It's not for me, it's for Mr. Pokkins!" The girl insists.

"Maggie, Mr. Pokkins is just a puppet. We've already talked about this."

I turn my head slowly to look at her hand. I concentrate and notice that she is holding a penguin fur doll that’s wearing a red suit. This penguin is as the size of one of my cat-sized trap. 

My heart starts beating fast and I stare at the doll. 

Suddenly, the doll's eyes stare back at me, and I open my jaw drops in fear. I reach my hand and keep pushing the button that opens the doors with panic.

The mother, the girl and the older guy look at me in terror, but I don't care. All I feel is my heart beating roughly in my chest, my head signals me to run away.

I can't look away from the doll, which doesn't look away from me either, having a staring contest with me. This is the first time I see a doll move so boldly in a long time. 

At some point I don't even know what I'm pressing anymore, just wanting to get away.

The door opens suddenly, and I don't even know which floor I am on. I run, bump into some people on the way, until I somehow manage to escape.

I reach the road, and catch a taxi in seconds. As I sit down, I look at my reflection in the mirror, see how sweaty and crazy I look. I giggle madly, the driver looks a little intimidated, but says nothing.

The adrenaline has been flowing in my blood for a long time, and the tranquilizers fade a little. I’m slowly clearing up, but the sedatives are still affect me at the level they help with the anxiety. I'm ready to fight.

I slam the door into my apartment and turn on the lights. I look around vaguely, and suddenly I hear a sound from the kitchen. A sound that sounds just like something has been caught in one of the traps. My heart beats so hard in my chest that I feel like it's about to explode.

I decide to go to my bedroom carefully, and take out the shotgun from under my mattress. I load it, and it makes a sound I haven't heard in a long time and it brings me satisfaction. I take a deep breath. _ this is the moment. _

I walk carefully toward the kitchen, pointing the shotgun at the door, cocked. My hands are shaking and the cut I made on my wrist begins to ache as a result of the dissipation of the sedatives. I feel the nerves filling my body, but I try to maintain my sanity, as much sanity I have to begin with.

I open the kitchen door at three. One. Two. Three…! 

When I open, at first I see nothing. Nothing seems to move around me.

I begin to scan the traps, and I notice that something has been caught in one of the medium traps I have placed, precisely the one I have debated with myself about its location.

I approach it slowly, the shotgun is aimed at it. When I arrive, I see a brown bear fur doll with a blue baseball cap on his head and a baseball stick and a ball in his hands.

He would probably look cute and innocent to any other person except me. I feel like I'm going to pee in my pants, but a big smile spreads across my face.

_ Fucking finally. _

I aim the shotgun at him, a finger on the trigger. I breath in, stare at him and wait for a response.

But the doll is still.

"T-Talk! Who are you? What do you want?!" I scream at him, spit is emitting from my mouth and I wipe it.

"Come on!" I poke him with the shotgun, but he stays still and quiet. I go back and forth, keeping the shotgun pointed in his direction. Once in a while I think I recognize a movement, but in vain.

Time passes, and nothing happens. I'm getting frustrated. I try to push him, threaten him, but nothing.

At some point, I despair and decide to make something to eat.

"You know, it'll be a lot easier if you just talk. You have nothing to hide anymore. You're fucking _ here _, that's the best proof I've ever received!" I'm saying in excitement, waiting for a few seconds, but no response.

“I doubt I brought you here subconsciously, and put you in a trap, and then forgot about it, just to find you here again." I laugh, but my laughter dies as I consider for a moment the possibility that this may have been what really happened. I'm not sure of anything anymore. 

I take a bite at the sandwich, not taking my eyes off the bear. _ Whatever. _

I jump at a sudden sound. It's just my phone. I answer and Mrs. Krang is on the other side of the line. 

"Hello?" I ask with my mouth full.

"Sid? Where the hell are you?!" Mrs. Krang sounds nervous, breathing heavily.

"I’m at home. Mrs. Krang, you won't believe what happened-" I start enthusiastically but she interrupts me.

"How the hell did you get home? I'm coming to pick you up _ now _."

"Wait, Mrs. Krang-"

And she hangs up. I put a hand on my head, it’s throbbing with pain.

But I can't wait for Mrs. Krang to see him. She'll finally see _ I'm right _. 

...If she believes me, that is. I look around and examine the traps. If I were a sane person what would I think of that? 

_ That you are a total nutcase, Sid. _And that I took a doll and deliberately put it in the trap to make other people believe me, because no one will believe dolls have their own life. 

I sigh. I remove the brown bear doll from the trap and look at him, holding him tight with trembling hands away from me as if it's going to hurt my face. I'm still terrified of toys and it's hard to look him in the eyes. 

I take some ropes with me and go to the bedroom, tie him tightly in my closet.

At first I tie him so he hangs from the neck, but then wonder if it would kill him. I try to prevent myself from changing the knot because I don't have time to waste for this nonsense.

But eventually I do it. I re-tie him so he sits, tight enough that it will not loosen but also making sure it doesn't choke him. 

I look at him for a moment and hit myself in the face. _ Sid, you're absolutely crazy. _

I start collecting all the traps around the house and just as I finish hiding them all under my bed, I hear a knock on the door. 

I look through the door’s peephole to be sure and see Mrs. Krang standing there with her hands crossed, looking pissed.

I wipe the sweat off my face and open the door.

When I open it, I try to smile. "Hey, Mrs. Krang."

She doesn't say anything, just looks at me in disbelief, spreads her hands sideways. "Sid, what the hell is going on?"

I’m about to answer but she comes in my apartment and keeps talking. Just before I close the door I scan the hall to see that it is empty.

"First of all, someone who is unidentified somehow knows I'm your psychologist and calls me and tells me you're experiencing a nervous breakdown, then I'm told I hallucinated it, and when I finally show that goddamn nurse that I'm your psychologist, you're gone and you're in your apartment eating lunch! " Mrs. Krang raises her voice but immediately lowers it when she regrets it. "I even called your boss and told him you weren't feeling well because I assumed you didn't do it yourself, even though I'm not sure what is going on with you myself."

She sighs and puts a comforting hand on me.

"Sid, it was really dangerous what you were doing right now. You could hurt yourself." She says, and then she looks at my bandaged arm and realizes it's already too late. 

"_ Sid... _" she says quietly, looking at me in disappointment. My heart is shrinking, she is the last person I want to disappoint. I look at her and say nothing, and after a few seconds she keeps talking.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? Sometimes I'm sure you're making progress, and then you're doing things like this. I can't help you if you don't cooperate like that." She says in a tone that’s suppose to encourage me, but it does the opposite and I just feel worse about myself.

"Mrs. Krang, I..." I begin to say and scratch my head, not knowing how to proceed. I look at my bedroom, close my eyes and sigh. If I show her she won't believe me. I turn around to look back at her.

"...Sid, I think it's time we take it a step forward. We've been postponing it for a long time, but lately you've been getting worse." She says with a heavy heart, and I'm not entirely sure I understand what she's talking about.

"What do you mean?" I ask, my heart pounding in my chest with anxiety.

"I think we should get you hospitalized." She says, her voice is much more serious and authoritative than normal.

"No, no no. No way." I tell her, and take one step back, frightened. "Do you really think I belong to a place like _ this _?"

"Sid, calm down, I'm not forcing you to do anything at the moment. But let's consider this possibility together. You know it's not like in the movies, the doctors there are very nice—" She goes on, slowly approaching me, but I run to my bedroom and lock it behind me. I feel like a scared little kid when I fold into myself, like I was when my dad used to hit me and I would run away from him. I know Mrs. Krang just wants the best for me, _ but she doesn't understand anything. _

But then all of a sudden it comes back to me that the bear doll is still in my closet, and I start to feel the fear of locking myself with it.

I don't know where I prefer to be anymore, outside with Mrs. Krang that wants me to be hospitalized or with _ him _?

"_ Sid, please come out and we will talk like adults. You know me, I won’t force you to do anything, I promise you. _" I hear Mrs. Krang's desperate voice from the other side of the door.

_ I know Mrs. Krang, but it's not your fault that you just don't understand. _

I decide to stay and just keep myself protected. I might even get the bear to talk to me. If that happens, what could Mrs. Krang say?

I pick up my mattress to take out my shotgun, but it's not there. I look under the bed, where all the other traps are, but in vain. I start to scan the room carefully, alert in case the bear was able to break free.

Fuck, I probably left it in the kitchen. I have no choice, I'll have to confront him with nothing.

"_ Sid, please come out and we’ll talk. _" Mrs. Krang continues, her tone starting to sound irritable. I walk to the door.

"Mrs. Krang, if I prove to you I'm not crazy, will you believe me?"

I hear her sigh. "_ Sid, please- _" she starts to say, but her voice is suddenly trailing off. I can hear her walking away.

I take advantage of this and walk to the closet door, opening it carefully after taking a deep breath.

The bear is still there, tied the same way I left him.

"Listen to me, _ you baseball loving maniac _-" I try to keep eye contact with him, like animals do when trying to threaten each other. It's hard and I feel like his gaze is burning me on the inside.

"Now is your chance. You have to prove to me that you are alive, otherwise it will be your bitter end." I start laughing madly and grab him tight, my face is warming. "I've already murdered and tortured a lot like you, you're no different from them and_ I'll do it again if I have to. _" I threaten him, and he stays still. I continue to speak slowly, emphasizing every word, feeling my detained violent tendencies slowly flooding me.

"_ I'll take a knife, and I'll slowly cut you into small parts, and I'll throw every little part of you in a different area of the city— _"

"_ Sid? Why do you have a shotgun in the kitchen?! _" I hear Mrs. Krang shouting hysterically from the other side of the door.

"Mrs. Krang, I can explain-" I start yelling back, but feel something snapping in me. _ That's it, I'm done. _

I release the doll and open my bedroom door. I walk past the stunned Mrs. Krang and put the doll on the table.

Mrs. Krang is following me slowly. "Sid, what is _ that? _ You got a doll—"

"Yes, Mrs. Krang." I look at her and she looks like she's about to faint from the emotional roller coaster I'm making her go through.

"Listen, I know it sounds delusional, but I left traps around the place to catch the toys that are following me. It actually worked out and this bear got caught in one of the traps! I swear to you Mrs. Krang." I tell her, frightened from her oncoming reaction, but she just looks at me in shock.

"The shotgun, too, is against them." I add to remove any doubt.

"_ Sid. _" She says quietly, her voice breaking.

"Mrs. Krang, I swear to you that's what happened. I know you probably think I'm just doing things because I’m sick or something, but _ it's really happening _." I try desperately to convince her, or just try to understand, even though I know she won't believe me. 

She looks at me quietly and says nothing, just sits on the couch and looks at the bear doll sadly, mourning the drop of sanity she believed was left in me.

"_ Please believe me. _" I cry, feeling frustrated.

Mrs. Krang says nothing, and it only makes me feel worse. I don't know how to make her believe me anymore. She will never believe me, neither she nor anyone else. Hell, _ I _ can hardly believe myself.

After a few minutes, I feel defeated. Even the tears are completely over from how much I was crying today.

"Okay." I tell her after a few minutes of being quiet. She looks at me in confusion. "I'll get hospitalized." I say quietly.

She stands and gives me an encouraging smile. She gives me a hug and I give in to the warmth of the human touch I barely experience, leaning my weight on her feeling exhausted.

"Good, Sid. That's a good decision for you." She says, holding my head as a maternal gesture and smiling at me. "You'll see it's not so bad, on the contrary. They'll help you feel better."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I say quietly. "But, can I sleep at home tonight? I don't feel ready yet."

"Of course, Sid. I don't want you to feel that I'm forcing it on you." She says enthusiastically, pleased. "I'll come here tomorrow morning and we’ll arrange everything that's needed together."

"Thank you Mrs. Krang." I tell her, trying to smile. "I think I'll get some rest, I feel exhausted." 

"All right. I'll call you later to see how are you doing, okay? Maybe you’ll come to my clinic tonight and we’ll talk about what happened." She says and I gently lead her toward the door. 

"When you’ll be there, I promise I'll come visit you anytime they give me, and I'll sneak you some of my famous cookies." She kindly pokes me with her elbow and I give a fake giggle. 

"That would be really nice." I say. I see on her face that she doesn't want to leave me by myself, but also doesn’t want to destroy what she managed to get from me. 

"I’ll talk to you later." She smiles at me for a moment before she leaves.

"Yes." I tell her and smile back.

As the door closes behind her I sigh.

"_ Teddy, you are so fucked. _" I tell the bear, furious, turning slowly to look at him.

But he's not there anymore. My eyes are wide open and I feel my heart beating tightly and the adrenaline fills my body. I quickly scan every doorway in the house. _ Mrs. Krang couldn’t have taken him with her, I would have noticed. _

Then for a moment, I see his baseball stick grabbing in the window, a second before it disappears from sight. I run to the window, and I see him running and stomping in one of the bushes and disappearing there.

I run out the door immediately, and see Mrs. Krang just leaving the parking lot with her vehicle. I discreetly run in the direction of the bush and start looking for him.

But I can't find anything. No trace of any bear.

I look around, but I have no chance of finding him because he can be anywhere. I want to scream. I'm full of so much frustration and anger and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

But when I come back to my house, I can hear someone clearing their voice behind me. I turn around and see _ him _.

The baseball bear, standing on both feet and looking at me from down below, looking frightened.

I'm freezing. He looks at me and squints, preparing for my reaction.

But I just look at him and breath heavily, unable to move a muscle. I feel like I'm in some kind of weird hallucination, not knowing whether to fight or flight.

He looks around, as if to get permission, and then he picks up his hat and pulls out a note. He looks at it for a moment and then hands it to me.

At first I don’t know what to do and remain silent. The bear waits patiently for me to take the note.

At moments like these, I wonder how can I be afraid of a thing that looks so… cute. But I will never forget that trauma.

I scan around carefully as he did a moment before and gently bend, taking the note from him. 

He slowly pulls back and then escapes to the same bush from before, his little tail wagging a moment before he disappeared.

I give another look around and open the note carefully, which opens to a much larger note than I thought.

It takes me a moment to decipher what is written in it because it is written like a small child wrote it, but in the end I make it: 

_ "Greetings, our dear human Sid Phillips. _

_ We believe it’s time we have a conversation about everything that happened, get some things more clear, and have apologies exchanged between us. _

_ We are sure you have some questions that need answering as well, and we are willing to answer everything that burdens on your heart. _

_ We are inviting you to meet us, and hope you’ll answer our request in the affirmative. _

_ With regards, The Council of Toys. _

_ P.S. Please burn this note so no one else will find it and we could maintain our safety.” _

Underneath the message, a drawing with color pencils shows a simple map of a place I know, which is not far from me. But the marked point to reach is in a forest a bit far from a settled area. I don't know what this place is. Next to the point, there is written a date and time. Tomorrow morning. 

I look at the page in astonishment. I sit carefully on the sidewalk, feeling my body getting heavy, not believing what I see in front of my eyes. I would think it was a joke if this bear hadn't handed me that note himself. _ Apparently that was their intention. _

And how... how do they know everything about me? I always knew they were following me, but _ how much? _

I never felt so intimidated and excited at the same time.

I get back inside my apartment, after giving a last examine of the area. When I pass through the mirror I stop to look at myself and see a big smile spreading across my face. For a long time, I feel much less scared for my existence, I feel I’ll might even feel whole soon. It's a strange feeling.

No matter what happens, even if the toys are planning to murder me in cold blood, I'm happy. I couldn't ask for anything better than this outcome.

I cut the part of the note with the map, put it in my wallet, and burn the rest of the written note with a lighter.

For the first time in a long time, I can't wait for tomorrow morning to arrive. 


	5. Play Date

Mrs. Krang calls me that evening to check on me, and I want to laugh at her surprised voice when she hears I'm in a good mood, but I'm holding back.

"Sid, you didn't take anything, did you?" Mrs. Krang asks me anxiously.

"No, I just feel for the first time that my life is heading in a good direction." I tell her, my smile is evidential in my voice.

I hear Mrs. Krang giggling happily on the other side of the line and then sighs in relief. "I'm very happy to hear that. I was afraid you wouldn't understand how important it is to take care of yourself, even if it means calling for help from more sources."

"You're right, calling for help is really the right decision." I say, thinking of something completely different from Mrs. Krang.

"It's wonderful to hear that from you, Sid. You still want us to meet and talk about the day or—" Mrs. Krang begins, and I quickly interrupt her, worrying I might sound a little suspicious.

"No, Mrs. Krang. I feel so much better, I was just a little troubled today, that's all."

"All right, Sid. See you tomorrow morning."

"Yes, good night Mrs. Krang." I say and hang up. I feel a little pressure in my chest from lying to Mrs. Krang, but what can I do? I’m going to meet the toys and get answers, and this will solve all my problems on the subject and I won’t need to be hospitalized. I don't know how I’ll make Mrs. Krang let it go, but she said she wouldn't force me do anything so I guess I'll just get out of it somehow. 

I hope she doesn't suspect too much. I've never been in such a good mood, at least not since Alissa was my friend.

My gut tightens as I recall what I did to Alissa's doll. What was he called? Fluff? Or was it actually Snuff?

The toys certainly know about it, I have no doubt. Besides everything I did that started all this mess, there were all kinds of little instances like the Snuff case (Well, Snuff is actually a relatively large case). Can they really forgive me for this? Maybe I did a lot more things than I remember.

Slowly the concerns take up too much space in my head, although I try hard to keep these thoughts away.

I can't help but wonder, what will happen tomorrow morning?  _ What if they kidnap me and abuse me for everything I did to them? _

_ No, Sid. No matter what happens tomorrow morning, it's the best thing to happen to you in your life, so it's time to just deal with it no matter what. _

I take a deep breath and relax on the couch, turn on the TV and pass it on to a children's channel, something I've also avoided on TV for many years. For me, children's channels were equal to horror movie channels and even worse, because of a lot of the programs show dolls as the characters. But now for a change, I actually smile a little as I watch them, slowly falling asleep to the happy voices coming from the television.

…

I wake up from a knock on the door.

" _ Sid? That's Krang, can you open the door for me? _ " I hear Mrs. Krang's voice coming from the other side of the door. Shit, shit shit shit. I look at the clock and it shows 8:00 AM. 

Goddamn, I must have fallen asleep. Well, I was completely done after yesterday. But fuck me, I should have set an alarm clock. I planned to leave the house before Mrs. Krang would arrive, and then just write her some excuse as a message. Not the best plan but I couldn’t think of anything. 

I'll just try to get out of it in a different way somehow. Though I have no fucking idea how to do it.

I look out the window. If I leave, there's no way she won't see me. I feel bad about doing this to her, she is the only person who shows any caring about me and I ruin it with her too. I sigh.

I go to the door and open it, remembering too late how untidy I probably look and that I smell bad.

But Mrs. Krang just smiles when she sees me. "Good morning, Sid."

"Ah, good morning Mrs. Krang. I'm sorry, I forgot to set a clock and fell asleep-"

"It's fine, Sid. You can go get ready, I'll wait for you here." She says and walks into my apartment, sits on the couch. Shit, what do I do now?

"Mrs. Krang, listen, I think I'm not ready—" I begin to say in stress but she interrupts me.

"You will never be ready, Sid. That's why I'm here to help you make this move." Mrs. Krang says in a somewhat firm but gentle tone, and then goes on. "Believe me, it's always like that. But later you'll be glad you took this step."

I don't know what to say and just nod. I go to my bedroom, close the door behind me and sigh.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look awful, well, more than usual. I start to get ready and try to wash the big bags under my eyes with water like it will help to remove them. I obviously still look crazy.

I glance at my laundry basket, staring at my black shirt with the skeleton, the one that has always protected me, lies in the laundry basket. I would like to wear it now if it wasn't so dirty and stinky. Next to it are the pants that I wore when… the accident happened to me. And to think I was running around in those clothes all day yesterday. I don't understand how Mrs. Krang wasn’t disgusted by me. No, I don't understand how Mrs. Krang isn’t disgusted by me, period. She's too good for me.

But wow, the last two days have been so crazy. I hope that after today I can live my life a little more peacefully.

As I finish getting ready, I try to figure out what I can do to evade Mrs. Krang and can't think of anything. I think nothing will help me.

I sigh and walk towards Mrs. Krang, who stands when she sees me, ready to leave. 

"Quickly Sid, the sooner we start the less it will burden you." She picks up the keys to my apartment, as if to help and to spur me, opening the door.

"Shall we go?" She gestures with her head towards the door.

"Ah-" I begin to say, though I have no idea for an excuse in my head.

Then Mrs. Krang's phone rings.

She looks at the screen in confusion. "Hello?" She answers.

After a few second her face turns grim and she asks “ _ What? _ ” Then she stays quiet for a moment, listening intently to the other side of the phone.

"I-I understand. But I can't do it right now-" she says into the phone, looking at me for a moment, her face a little worried.

"Uh huh. Yeah, I see. Well, okay, I'll go take care of it now." She sighs and hangs up. At first she doesn't look at me, just considering what to do.

"Everything is fine?" I ask her, confused. 

"Yes, yes. It's just my son. He got into some serious brawl." She says, embarrassed.

"Oh, is he okay?" I ask, though according to how she responds I guess he's fine.

"Yeah, he's fine." She says quietly, then looks at me, confused. "He's the one who started it."

"I thought your son is a good guy." I say and then regret it. Maybe it’s tactless on my part to say that right now. But she always tells me how proud she is of her child, how smart and outstanding and a good boy he is, which always makes me jealous because I wish my mom would talk about me this way.

"He's a really good kid." Mrs. Krang covers her face in desperation, then looks at me after a few seconds. 

"Sid, I have to deal with this-" She begins to say apologetically, but I interrupt her. 

"It's all right, Mrs. Krang. We'll go there later." I smile at her. "I'll be right here."

"Thanks Sid, I'm so sorry." She says and returns the key to me, disappearing quickly with a heavy heart.

I sigh in relief. Wow, I'm have more luck than a brain.

Well, this is the moment. I pull the drawn map out of my wallet and place it on a map I have of the area. I take another sheet of paper and draw with a pencil the way I need to go through more detailed and clear. I put down the pencil and feel satisfied with myself. 

I spray myself in perfume and feel silly for doing so. On the way to my truck, I wonder if I should plan what to say. If I’ll just say “ _ Sorry, _ ” I don't feel it’s enough.  _ Sorry I abused and killed some of you. _

Okay, not gonna happen. I'll just let the moment flow and whatever will happen, happen. 

I start my truck and connect the map to the vents. This is the strangest situation I've ever been in.

The drive doesn’t take more than half an hour, and I reach the limit to where I can reach with a vehicle. During the last ten minutes of the drive the area slowly begins to become more isolated and unmanned, far from the city and closer to the forest.

I realize I have to walk from now on, having no way to continue with the vehicle.

I lock the truck and try to figure out where to go with the map. I pull out the compass I brought and try to navigate with it. The last time I navigated was in school on an annual trip, so it takes me a few minutes to figure out which way I need to go. 

The further I move towards the marked place, the more and more I enter the forest. I try to silence the fear that’s fighting me to take control. _ Grow a fucking pair, Sid.  _

After a few minutes of walking, a long chain is blocking the only way an adult human can pass. On the chain an old sign that says "No Passage, Prohibited Area." is connected to it. 

_ what? Where am I?  _ Maybe I got the direction wrong? But it can't be, I've checked several times that I'm right.

I look around the area. Even if I’ll come from a different direction, I'll probably still end up in the same area. 

I look at the sign and take a deep breath.  _ I must not give up, whatever it is, right? _

I bend under the chain and go through it, feeling as if I'm suddenly in greater danger even though I have only moved a few inches forward.

I keep walking cautiously, afraid that something will jump on me or I'll step on mines.  _ What nonsense, Sid. Stop making stuff up. _

I see that according to the map, I'm supposed to get to the spot in a minute. But I don't see anything special. I'm just in a forest, nothing happens here. I haven't even seen any animal and now that I think about it, I might have needed to worry about an encounter as such beforehand.

As I go on, a clearing is unfolding in front of me. The sun is flooding the area and it dazzles me when I get there. 

I look around, but can't see anything because of it.

There is such an exemplary silence that it’s on the verge of being disturbing. Even the trees barely move here.  _ Where am I? _

Suddenly when I look behind me, I see a small stuffed animal as the size of my palm, a pink bunny whose ears are so long that they are longer than her body and are trailing behind her. 

Her red eyes looking at me in surprise from down below, and she disappears into one of the bushes as I move towards her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" I shout after her, putting a hand on my forehead in despair.

I want to follow her, but I have no way to move forward. Everything is blocked and only small sized creatures can pass.

I don't know what to do, so I just decide to sit down and wait. I won't go back, and I saw a toy so that means something. The silence goes on for a few minutes, nothing happens and I start to lose my patience.

I start scanning the clearing, but I have no way to get through here as if everything is deliberately blocked so a human cannot pass. It doesn't seem natural. 

Suddenly, I hear voices far behind me, getting slowly closer. I turn and see an unclear figures approaching from where I came from. In addition I see things bouncing between the trees and moving in the same direction towards me. The trees and plants are sizzling as they approach, the noise reminds me of that day when the dolls ambushed me and this day's play insists that I remember it.

I close my eyes and swallow hard, silencing my fears with force.

When I open them, they stand in front of me.

Yes,  _ they, the toys _ . All kinds of different sizes and colors of toys, surround me from all sides, from above and down below.

But unlike that day, they smile when they see me. Some seem apprehensive, and some are curious. But most importantly, none of them seem to intend hurting me. I look back at them with a kind of crooked smile, feeling like I'm about to pass out but trying to hold on to reality even though it feels delusional than ever.

I recognize some toys, which I'm not sure if I've seen them in the past or just their type (which is unlikely because of how I’ve been avoiding any encounter with toys).

A penguin doll with a red suit walks toward me while ordering the other toys to make way. When he finally stands in front of me he says nothing, just stares at me with narrow eyes from down below. He starts walking slowly around me, examining all of me and the other toys give him space.

I remember him, I saw him for sure. This is the one from the elevator, the one the odd girl was holding,  _ the one that was staring at me so boldly _ . My heart starts beating hard in my chest.

"Mr. Pokkins, that's enough. You make Sid feel uncomfortable." I suddenly hear a woman's high voice and turn my head towards where it came from. It takes me a moment to find her, because she is so small, the size of my two palms.

Its her. The doll Mrs. Krang had that disappeared.

The dolls make room for her respectfully, and she stands in front of me. Her hair is arranged a little differently, as if to hide the lack of it, her pink dress is still stained. The button eyes - her unmatched ones - look at me from below. She smiles kindly.

"I apologize for the not so kind welcome, Sid. You arrived early, we didn't have time to prepare accordingly." She keeps talking, her voice much more mature than she looks, though she does look like an old doll. But still, an old doll of little girl. 

I want to respond, but I feel weird answering her. I feel her strong presence, even though she is so small that it doesn’t seem logical.

"I'm just making sure he didn't bring any weapons, leader Mona." Mr. Pokkins comes from behind me, a suspicious tone in his voice.

_ The leader, huh? _ Her presence really indicates this but I have a hard time comprehending, she is so tiny. 

"You didn't bring any weapons, did you, Sid?" She asks me with amusement as if it's a stupid question to ask.

"Oh… no, no no. Obviously not." I tell her right away, my voice is quiet and I feel silly for feeling a little intimidated by the presence of something so tiny.

“I know it's overwhelming, but you'll get used to it.” She says and gives me an encouraging smile, then instructing Mr. Pokkins to stand by her side. 

“I’ll give you a moment to digest all of this before we’ll talk. Mr. Pokkins, arrange Sid something to drink.” 

“Yes, Mona.” Mr. Pokkins obeys and disappears behind one of the bushes. 

"I’ll show you around, would you like that? Or do you wish to sit and calm down?” She asks me with concern, and I wonder how much of my stress is showing. 

“I’ll be alright.” I laugh, embarrassed a small doll cares for my well being. I can’t help but think about what happened with her at Mrs. Krang’s house. Will she mention it at some point? 

She gestures me kindly to follow her, leading me to the way I came from.

I walk after her, trying to imagine what she’s going to show me. 


	6. The Toy Leader

Strange, that only yesterday morning I didn't think I'd find myself in this situation.

I walk after Mona - the leader of the toys, it turns out - a toy sized as a small rat, leading me to the rest of the area where toys live the secret part of their lives.

Very unusual for me, Mona is attentive to me, which is something that took me a few minutes of walking to notice. It is very important for her to make sure I’m okay, and she is moving at my pace, not pressing me to rush anywhere. She sends me maternal energies that feel foreign to me, but not just because it comes from a  _ doll _ .

Probably because of this, the other toys seem to pay her such great respect as the leader.

"I'm sorry about the other toys. They're just excited to finally meet the  _ notorious _ Sid Phillips." Mona tells me with amusement as we move away from the toys that left us both alone at her command.

_ The notorious Sid Phillips. _ This sentence has so many dark layers that a strong shudder goes through my body. I don't even want to think what that means.

We walk a few minutes in a sort of side way that I didn't see on the way to the clearing.

Mona gives me a look, making sure I'm still following her because I'm so quiet. She smiles, probably to the confused look on my face. I look back at her with a crooked smile, my stomach still swirling at the sight of the toys being alive. It will take time for me to get used to it.

"This road has been paved and maintained in such a way that no human being can find it - but do go through it." Mona says as if she is reading my thoughts. I nod in response, still not in the right mind to ask what it means.

After a few minutes of being quiet while Mona lets me relax and doesn't push me to talk, we reach the real destination.

It's no longer just a blocked clearing. What I see is holding my breath.

In front of me is a whole world that no human can ever imagine that exists only half an hour's drive from human civilization.

Toy civilization. Yes, just like that.

I reach a place I don't know how to define. It could be explained as a kind of small town of toys hidden in a forest.

In the glimpse I achieve I see all kinds of "buildings" (made of stones and cardboard, but in a very impressive way) like a city, which is unfolding beyond what I can see. It looks like there are “houses”, "hospitals", "mini markets" and more. And that's just what I see with a little glimpse. Inside this "city", I see hordes of toys.

An exclamation of admiration is emitted from my mouth.

The area seems to be well designed so that humans cannot find it, neither from the ground nor from the sky. Everything is hidden but completely present, suitable for different types of toys.

I can't see much because when we reach this entrance, Mona stops just for a few moments to show me and to see the astonished expression on my face. A proud smile is spreading over her tiny face and she immediately leads me to another place.

"Sorry, Sid. I can't let you in there because I'm afraid it'll startle some of the toys right now. Someday I'll be happy to do so with advance preparation." Mona tells me apologetically but the truth is, I'm not sure I'm ready  _ myself _ and I think Mona is well aware of it.

She doesn't take me farther away, and we arrive at a much smaller clearing then the first clearing I reached, also bounded by crowded trees. The place feels like sort of a nest, and it has all kinds of human things like a table and chairs. Unclear things are hanging from the trees around, like decorations. I would say it looks like kind of an “office”. 

On the trees next to me are hanging all kinds of pictures and documents, cork boards full of all kinds of information. I don’t get to delve into them enough to understand what’s written on them before Mona instructs me to sit in the chair near me, while she sits in the big chair on the other side of the table, a chair suitable for a "boss."

Mr. Pokkins emerges from the entrance, holding a glass of water with both of his hands. He hands it to me when he reaches me and I bend over and take it, thanking him in embarrassment.

Mr. Pokkins leaves the room and Mona stares at me patiently, waiting for me to drink. I drink from the water, not before I wonder for a moment if they poisoned it and choose to take the risk and drink, continuing to look around.

I delve deeper into the boards that hang on the trees, and the three biggest and fullest of them catch my eye.

The only thing I can see is that on each of them there’s a name and a picture that I can't quite identify because they are too far away from me, below are all kinds of documents and pictures and other things I can’t identify as well.

On the board closest to me the name "Sabrina Altier" is written in a big way, followed by "Oscar Azarov" on the board next to it and finally on the farest board, if I see correctly - "Sid Phillips."

I feel a strong pressure in my chest and I choke on the water. I start to cough and Mona asks me if I’m okay.

"Sid," Mona turns to me and I look back at her.

"What's there on the wall?" I point to the board with my name, still half choking. Truth be told, I don't know why I'm surprised every time my name is mentioned, or that the toys know who I am. I guess it's just hard for me to digest it really is happening.

"I promise everything will be explained, but we'll have to start from the beginning." Mona says with an authoritative tone.

I nod, knowing I won't get any answers other way. She’s a total boss. 

"Do you know what is the definition of a toy, Sid?" Mona asks, with all seriousness. I laugh at that ridiculous question, caught unprepared for it.

What does she mean? I obviously know what a toy is.

But my laughter is dying due to Mona's serious look, not amused at all.

"Well, a toy is..." What if I say something offensive? Maybe I should consider my words. "A toy is…"

"A creation of a human which is created with the purpose of entertaining and teaching at times, most often towards humans in their early life." Mona completes me as if reciting a linguistic description.

"Oh, yes." I say, my mouth a thin line.

"You agree with this definition, don't you, Sid?" She asks me, but her tone remains steady. She doesn't sound angry or anything, even though this sentence takes on a completely different meaning now that I know they are living and existing beings. 

"I-I guess. Like, that's what I've known my whole life." I say quietly, careful with my words.

"Exactly. And now you know other things." Mona says, waiting for my response. But shit, I have no idea what to say. 

"Do you still think the same way?" She asks me after a few seconds that I just stare at her quietly. "Be honest, I won't bite you." She adds, giggling. I return an embarrassed giggle. 

"Ah… well, to be honest, I'm a little too confused right now to answer that..." I mutter under my breath. 

"It's fine, I don't expect you to answer it. I just want to understand a little more about where you stand at the moment." 

I nod, thanking the little doll in front of me that she understands me. What the  _ fuck _ . 

"Toys, by definition of humans, have been around the world for about 4,000 years. I can tell you that toys, by  _ our _ definition, exist much more." Mona says, pronouncing each word slowly to make sure I'm following her.

"What... is your definition?" I ask, trying to hold on to my concentration which feels as if it’s slipping through my fingers as I further digest the fact that I'm still talking to a toy. 

"Great question, Sid." Mona says, as if her intention was not to make me ask this exact question. 

"Let's put it this way. Toys themselves have all kinds of definitions as to what is a "toy". Any toy you ask will give you a different answer. Most toys believe our goal is to serve humans, our makers. Although humans did not create the materials we are made of, they are responsible for our existence." 

"Ah-"

"When a human revives a toy in their mental level, then begins the "birth" of a toy. The whole world is made of the same atoms and we are made of the same material the whole world is made of. When a person sees a toy as something existing and necessary in the world and personifies it, then happens what we call "the birth of a toy" and it is given life."

It takes me a moment to digest everything she said, but when it permeates me after a few seconds, I say, "Wow, It’s a beautiful explanation."

"It can really be beautiful, Sid." There is something dark in her voice when she says this. Maybe more hollow than dark.

"That's why it's so hard to define what a toy is, because we don't have a definite form. Humans are easy to define, they're a type of specie that can be biologically defined. But we can't be defined. We can be made of anything, which is why it's so difficult define us." She goes on.

"So what exactly is a toy by most toys?" I ask, trying to understand what she's saying.

"An object which is given the opportunity to move, make decisions, think for itself, feel emotions and so on, you can say." Mona explains. 

"Would you rather be called by another name...?" I ask, trying to be inoffensive.

Mona laughs. "That's nice of you to ask, Sid. But we're fine with the concept of 'toys' because we took it and defined it by ourselves." She says decisively. For some reason I have a feeling she is older than me, and that might be true.

"But then comes the point where this definition conflicts with our goal, to serve humans. What if the toy no longer wants to serve humans?" Mona continues, her voice remaining calm despite the heaviness of her words.

"Wow, this is a serious complication." I say quietly.

"Yes, it is something that more and more toys are experiencing. A toy is born to serve humans, its makers, and that is its sole purpose. But what if the toy wakes up one day and wonders why it can do things beyond that? Why does it  _ live _ if the human that caused it doesn’t and can’t  _ know _ ?" Mona says, her voice gets more and more emotional with each word, but still steady.

"An existential crisis." I say, showing her I understand what she means.

"Exactly, Sid." She says and smiles, pleased with my answers. "Many toys experience a crisis when they come to this realization that they are no longer satisfied with the existing state of serving humans, who do not even know about their living existence. Most toys are happy in their place, and to be honest in my belief they are the fortunate among us. This life is better for us."

After a few seconds, she just breathes deeply and it looks like it’s really hard for her to talk about. 

She continues, her tone heavier. "But for those who are not, it is a situation that brings many toys to frustration and even _ more _ . In recent years we have opened a whole department for such toys."

My eyes open wide. I didn't think of it that way. How do such heavy statements come out from such a  _ small toy _ ? 

"Wow. But… why are the toys increasingly... like that?" I ask.

"Like humans, more and more questions are being asked as they evolve. Toys don't grow, they remain in the same situation in their lives. Try to think how many thoughts a toy will have during its life, especially that we have a lot of time to think when we lie on a shelf or in a closet." Her voice continues to be sentimental but relatively steady to the weight of her words, and I wonder what mental strength is needed for that. I just want to hug all the toys in the world and tell them they're not alone. Just like I wish sometime someone would do to me.

I often question my life, that’s why I relate to that. It’s not the same but… until I began meeting with Mrs. Krang I would wonder if I really  _ exist _ if nobody gives a fuck about my existence. 

But what Mona says is just  _ awful _ . 

Suddenly, I feel how much this conversation is draining me. The last 8 years I’ve looked at toys as something threatening, like a monster. Now I suddenly feel a little depressed at the thought of them, their frustrating lives. A lot of them don't get treated well, especially from people like  _ me _ . Chills are going through my body when I think about it.

I have a question that I don't know if is proper to ask, but my curiosity is beating me.

"Can you… die?" I ask carefully.

"Yes, we have two types of deaths." Mona says. "One physical and one mental. Physical death occurs if you destroy the physical body of a toy at a level that it can no longer function as an existing being."

My stomach is swirling. I wonder if they feel pain but I think I've asked enough already. I'm also not entirely sure I want to know, considering everything I've done for toys in the past. I forcefully push Snuff's memories and all the toys I abused back.

"If you take parts of a dead toy and turn them into a toy, a new toy is born. Not the same one that was before, it's already lost." Mona adds so I comprehend it's really eternal. Maybe she's reading on my face that I remember what I did, and wants to emphasize that I’ll know she knows. On the other hand, I feel like Mona just really wants me to understand them. 

"And what is a mental death?" I ask, it's hard for me to think what that means.

"A mental death is a death that toys can decide to just stop living on their own. It happens to a lot of toys that exist for a long time or are in a bad state of mind." Mona says with sadness, but of course her voice is still steady and formal.

Wow, that's horrible. I feel my eyes start to get a little wet.

I have to say that I feel a little honored that Mona is sharing such sensitive information with me. I didn't think the toys would ever trust me.

I don’t want to dwell on it so I go back to the previous subject. 

"So-" I start to say and Mona precedes me.

"It took a while for a lot of us to start asking questions, trying to find more meanings." Mona says, her tone a little tougher. I swallow.

But then she giggles to relieve the tension and calm me down. "Don't worry, Sid. I have nothing against humans, on the contrary. Still, humans are responsible for our makings and we owe you our lives, even though there are toys who will not agree with me on that. But I believe there is a reason why we get the opportunity to independent living." 

I don't know what to say so I just nod.

"Although I do not believe in what the previous leaders believed, it is still the opinion of many toys that our purpose is to serve you and nothing else."

I nod again. Mona keeps talking, not really expecting me to respond at this point. "But it's okay. Everyone and their faith. What matters most to me as a leader is to keep my toys from any injustice and to guide them to a better place. I believe we can make a positive change in the lives of toys and humans if we unite.”

I keep nodding and smile, listening to her quietly and trying to comprehend her words. It's hard to believe how much insight comes from such a small toy. 

Mona seems amused by my confusion, which lights things up a bit between us.

"Before I became a leader, the strongest and most basic rule in toy world has always been that humans can’t know that we were living like you. Part of my belief is to change this rule because I believe otherwise. "

I put a finger on my lips and try to read her as she does to me to show that I understand her. "So you want all humans to know about you?" I ask.

"Of course not, Sid!" Mona raises her voice, as if I have crossed the line. I jump in surprise, still vigilant of toys. 

Her voice tones down as soon as she realizes that I just don't quite understand what is the real depth of what I said, and that she kinda frightened wary me. 

"As a human being, you can probably guess what they will do to us when they discover the truth." She says it with such bitterness that I take a step back.

She is absolutely right and I am totally insensitive. To think they have to deal with all this, with this constant fear and misunderstanding of their meaning, is really heavy. And it even feels human.

These are human existential crises that most humans go through. Maybe they're not that different and far from us.

"And to tell the truth, Sid. Even if humans find out about us and acknowledge us as living beings, the entire way of life will change. When humans realize they have the power to create this kind of birth, think what things could happen." My brain hurts from only trying to think about the depth behind all those sentences.

But I do understand something. "It also sounds like you want to maintain the existing situation because it’s better for your independence." 

"Yes, you are correct. Right now we have the freedom to do what we want. Once humans know, well, we don't want to ruin it. Do you understand, Sid?" As the conversation progresses, I notice Mona let go of the slow talking and talks more to the point as she realizes we're on the same level of thinking. I wonder if the toys tend to patronize us sometimes, as I tend to patronize them.

"Yes. I see. So what do you mean by changing the existing situation?" I ask, trying to keep with the formal tone. 

"I'll be honest, I don't quite know where it will go. I can only hope it will succeed. But anyway, I'm starting with something small, which could make a significant change, with supervision and caution of course. And that’s where we talk about  _ you _ ."

I swallow. "Me?"

Mona smiles. "Yes, Sid. You can bring about a very significant change in our world and yours. For the better of course."

I look at her in confusion. "H-how?"

"Your very recognition of us can be very helpful. I will not elaborate yet because it is included in many areas. I will only say that you can act as a mediator, between humans and toys."

"A mediator?" I ask, hoping I don't sound dumb, but I really don't quite understand what she means.

"Yes, we call it a “Human Ambassador”. I'll elaborate on that later, I don't want to burden you too much." Mona says, and I appreciate her sensitivity, even though I'm intrigued and want to understand what she really means.

I'm speechless, don't know where to start asking questions.

"I'll be honest with you, Sid. A lot of toys don't want you with us. They don't believe you changed.” She keeps eye contact with me. “But  _ I _ do believe that, and this is your chance to prove it." 

I don't know how to respond to these statements. On the one hand, the situation still feels bizarre and too heavy to really comprehend. But on the other hand, that's all I wanted. I wanted to know that the toys really existed and that they would be in a good relationship with me. But the truth, I didn't even think about where it would go from here. I couldn’t have imagined this far. 

Not to be disrespectful of course, but due to the fact that only in the last few days have I found that toys really exist, Mona speaks very much to the matter and is very smart. 

I’m happy for the toys that they are in good hands. And of course, it reassures me that she is responsible for everything because she is very reasonable.

It sounds like she's the one who believed in me the most. Contrary to all the viciousness I have experienced so far, it really encourages me. 

And I won't lie, it's very nice to be believe in, as it’s something I've never experienced in my life.

But there are still questions burning inside me and disturbing my rest. 


	7. On The Subject Of Making Friends

After all this  _ toy lore  _ my head is completely full and it’s suddenly really hard to think about all the questions that I always had. Yes, Mona made things a lot more explainable (how much could be at least) but after all these years I have so many still. 

But I’m seriously done and need to rest, it was all too much.

I try my best to ask what comes to my mind though I’m sure that later on I will regret not asking everything. But this conversation is not the end, at least not for me. 

"Can I ask some questions? Or do you want to continue?" I ask cautiously, her presence still makes me choose my words carefully. 

"I'm not in a hurry, Sid. You're welcome to ask. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and that's part of the purpose of this meeting as I mentioned in the invitation." She says with kindness. 

"So... what about what happened on  _ that _ day?" I ask, wondering if I should be specific but understand that it’s stupid when she immediately responds.

"Of course, we  _ need _ to talk about what happened.” Mona says as if it’s one of the most important things and how could she forget. Well, it’s true for  _ me _ .

“What happened to you was unfortunate and a significant violation of our law. As you know it is illegal to expose ourselves to humans, and in particular to do you wrong, especially that humans are important to us more than anything else.” She says in a disappointed tone, like a mother disappointed at her child for beating up another. This makes me think of what Mrs. Krang might be dealing with right now. To think where each of us is at right now is really bizarre. Crazy. 

Suddenly all my compassions to them swirls with my own pain. 

" _ So... why did you kept getting revenge on me if you wanted to cover what happened? _ " My tone is loud and sounds a little angry and I suddenly feel tears in my eyes. I try to calm myself down, but it's hard to control  _ years of frustration _ . To think how much this day impacted me and ruined me. Though I know it’s not the toys to really blame for it. 

"It's not  _ us _ , Sid. These are rebel toys." Mona says calmly, but she sounds a bit restrained. To my confused expression as a response, she keeps talking.

"When they only heard about the case with you, there were a lot of toys that didn't care about breaking the laws and just wanted to continue to take revenge on you for what you were doing to toys. That's why for a long time since the case to date there have been many toys that tried to harass you. As soon as I could, I took care of them." She says, satisfied. 

"Oh." I say. So… all the things that have happened to me in recent years have been acts of individual toys that have resented me, but not all toys have been part of it, and that is not considered legal by them. That… makes things a bit better I suppose. 

"What happened to  _ that cowboy _ ?" I ask, and shivers still go through my body every time I remember that day, even now. 

"Unfortunately, it did not happen during my leadership period. If it did, I would have dealt with it differently. But the previous leader decided to leave you with the mental scar and take Woody's side, the cowboy toy. They scolded him for what he did - only because he broke the law - but didn't do him anymore than this." She says, her voice a little pretentious. Though I can't resist the little smile that shows on my face and in response, Mona keeps talking proudly.

"You're lucky, since I made into a leader thanks to me it all ended completely. All the insurgents who bullied you were completely taken care of."

It’s true, at some point things  _ have _ gotten better. The toys stopped bothering me, and I really wondered if it was because of my evasions from unwanted encounters with toys, or they just decided to leave me alone. I guess Mona really  _ was _ behind it. 

Mona looks at me, waiting patiently for more questions. It takes me a few moments to extract them from my busy mind.

"Okay so... why  _ me _ ?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" She asks, sounding really confused.

"Why did you invite me here? Of  _ all _ humans?" I ask, feeling a little flattered and wondering if it is justified.

Mona just giggles, as if I don't know something, and the fluttery in me turns into confusion.

When Mona sees the look on my face, she immediately stops laughing. "No, no, Sid. Don't misinterpret it, I'm sorry." 

I make a small, embarrassed chuckle.

"Sid, I don't think you understand how  _ significant _ you are in the toy world." She says, looking at me a little frighteningly. I flinch. 

"What... what do you mean?"

"Sid," she lets out another laugh. "Didn't you ask why we are settled so close to your house?" She asks, as if she were sure I would wonder this and it's ridiculous that it didn't go through my head. It really is ridiculous but I guess I was too confused to wonder about that. 

"You’ve got a point." I say quietly and look at her anxiously.

"Since 8 years ago from the case with the cowboy Woody, you have become one of our main objects in the Toy Council."

I feel the pressure in my chest increase and stay quiet, Mona keeps talking.

"We needed to monitor you. You are a human who knows about us because the rebellious toys made sure so blatantly. All the rebels who just wanted to take revenge on you and make your life miserable only made you paranoid and really believe it was real, so we had to take care of them. We were well aware of your insanity and due to our fear of what you will do, not long after the case we decided that we would have to look after you more closely. And so we moved here."

Huh, my insanity.  _ Nice _ . 

"Did you... knew what I  _ used to do to toys _ before what happened with Woody?"

"We knew about you specifically because of a toy’s report, but you're not the only human in the world who abuses toys, Sid. Almost every frustrated kid takes it out on toys, and that's just a fraction of many humans who abuse toys. We can try to help them, but we can't help everyone. We have a lot of stuff to deal with. Besides, every time a toy disappears it raises suspicion among humans, and our goal is the exact opposite."

I stay quiet, it's really awful.

"So... your group moved here a few years ago to... monitor me?" I try to circle back to that to get more information. 

"Yes, that's part of it. It was during the previous leadership period. But ever since I became the leader of all the toys and started the “Human Ambassadors” project, getting close to you has become even more significant."

"Wait, you’re… the leader of  _ all _ the toys in the world?"

Mona laughs. "Yes, Sid, what did you think?" The little doll in front of me says like it was obvious. But oh, wow. I was sure she was the leader of the toys in the area or something. In the  _ whole _ world? And one of their main objects was  _ me _ ? I feel like I'm about to pass out.

"Don't worry, Sid, soon the toys will admire you for what you’ll do for us. I can tell you that many of them are very much looking forward to our friendship with you." Mona says with a smile to calm me down and try to keep me sane. I feel so confused. 

"In any case, you just knew too much. You were already quite sure that toys were alive. The previous leader kept you close to supervise you, but as soon as I became a leader, I thought about how I could make good use of that fact. I won't lie, I kind of felt sorry for you. You were confused and received cruelty in return." 

"But I deserved it." I say quietly.

"Yes, and no. It's debatable. I personally believe you deserved a wake up call for what you caused to a lot of toys, but it should have done differently and stopped at that point, especially as it was a terrible violation of our law. I don't believe you deserved to be scarred like that." 

"Thank you very much for saying that, Mona." I say quietly, but this sentence is something I really needed to hear. 

"You have nothing to thank me, Sid. I do believe you were just a confused child. I believe you wouldn't really hurt us if you knew we were alive and not against you but vice versa. That's why I started believing in you as a good ambassador long ago. You have a good heart, and what happened at your psychologist’s house had finally confirmed this to me. "

I freeze. I did wanted to ask her about what happened, but I'm a little hesitant to do so.

But Mona doesn't leave me to wonder and goes on. "Anyway, we can talk about the ambassadors' business on another occasion. I think I burdened you with enough information today." Mona laughs and stands up.

When I stand and turn my eyes stop at the cork boards and I remember that I wanted to ask about them. 

"Wait, last question for now. What are these boards?" I ask and point at them. "It’s just that my name is on one of them and I wanted to know..."

"These are just boards with information we collect about you guys. It's just as a security measure, you have nothing to fear. You can read what is written on your board if you want, we have nothing to hide."

I freeze. "Wait, what?"

"Yes?"

"You said  _ you guys _ ."

"Yes, Sid?" Mona asks, regretfully. It takes me a minute to digest.

"...Wait a minute, then, more people know about you except me, is that what it means?" I ask, breathless. Mona seems to consider her words deeply. 

In a moment my heart is filled with the greatest hope it has been filled with since I came here, even though I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up so suddenly. 

But I can’t help it. if there are other people like me, I'm not alone, and I have someone to talk to. It makes me very happy. So much so that I want to cry in happiness. 

Mona sighs. "Look, Sid. I don't have a problem you take a look at your board, but I'd rather not open the whole subject now. Yes, there are  _ other humans _ , but it's still early to talk about them. I want to make sure you're really going to cooperate with us before we dive deeper." 

"W-why?" I stutter. So they do have something to hide.

"To start telling you about each of them is going to take a little longer and I think you better digest everything we talked about before we talk about them. I want to make sure you're really with us before we go on."

" _ Did… something bad happened to them _ ?" I ask anxiously.

"Of course not, Sid. Oscar is very important to our hearts and I have a lot of respect for him. We are in constant contact with him. He is the only human ambassador we currently have."

"So... you already have a human ambassador?" I ask, not feeling special anymore. I thought I was the first to be asked. To think that there is probably a lot going on beyond what I think makes me a little dizzy.

"Yes, but one is not enough. After we know that things are working well with Oscar, I can't wait for you to join us." Mona says with a wide smile. I can't help but smile back.

"Oscar has... also abused toys?" I ask before I think about whether it is a legitimate question to ask.

Mona laughs again and I no longer know if I really amuse her or is she laughing due to something I don't understand. Her laughter is cute and innocent (though she obviously isn't) so I don’t dwell on it too much.

"No, not at all. Oscar's really lovely, but that's another story-"

I give another look at the boards and point to the one that’s closest to me. "And what about… Sabrina? Isn’t she a human ambassador too?" 

"Sid, I really prefer we don't talk about it right now, that's a lot of information I'll share with you later, promise." Mona's tone is a bit firm. She's definitely hiding something from me, and it’s something significant. 

Well, she has every right and I can't help but trust her. I'm still surprised that she revealed so much information to me in our first conversation but I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

"But she's... alive, right?" I ask cautiously. 

"Yes, of course she is alive, Sid.” Mona laughs, confused at my questions. “She just chose not to cooperate with us and that is fine. It will be fine even if you decide to as well, even though you can be a very significant to both humans and toys. What is most important to me is that we maintain good relations between ourselves and you’ll maintain our secrecy." Mona says, giving me an encouraging smile.

"Obviously, no question at all. I'm 100% with you on that." I say and smile back. I’m not going to ruin it, no way. 

"I'm very glad to hear, Sid. I think we had a good conversation." 

"So do I. Thank you very much, Mona." I reach out to her tiny hand with my fingers and we are shaking hands. She’s so tiny and adorable. 

"Of course, Sid. I thank you too. I knew you were a trustworthy and kind person." 

"T-thank you." I say breathless, a little blushing. I’m such a weirdo but I’m not used to being complimented at all. Especially not by  _ toys _ . 

Mona presses a button and after a few seconds Mr. Pokkins enters the "office", whispering something unclear to Mona’s fabric ear. Mona nods. 

Mona turns to me suddenly. "Sid, I think you better go home. We'll keep talking tomorrow after your work. Your psychologist will probably be back soon." 

"How do you know that?" I look at her and then at Mr. Pokkins who just looks at me as suspicious as always. 

"Sid, we know everything.” She says as by the way. “Besides, who do you think helped you get here today and not go to the hospital?"

"Wait a minute. Did you make Mrs. Krang leave my house?"

"We also called her to come to the hospital to take care of you when you went through that nervous breakdown." Mr. Pokkins says, annoyed. Mona silences him with a bit of a cold but still nice stare. 

"Mr. Pokkins, let's keep things a little mysterious." Mona giggles but she is obviously angry at him for saying this.

I try not to think about how much it bothers me that the toys are stalking me more than I can imagine. They seem to have a lot more power to play with humans than I think. The irony. 

But no. A very good thing has happened to me now and I won't let anything ruin it. I should be glad I got answers, and besides, I understood this about them long ago. That's why I was so scared of them to this day. Maybe in some ways I still am, but I feel much better, that's for sure.

"He has to thank us." Mr. Pokkins is muttering angrily.

"I think he's thankful enough for us now." Mona kind of winks at me, her button eyes don't really allow her to wink, or blink. It bothered me a little at first but is not so much now.

Suddenly I remember something. “Oh, fuck.” I stop for a moment, wonder if it’s okay to curse around toys, but then continue when I realise they aren’t innocent as they seem at all. Mona and Mr. Pokkins are just staring at me patiently. 

“I have to deal with Mrs. Krang now. I... don't think I'll be able to come tomorrow, or the next day. They probably won't let me out of that hospital any time soon." 

"Don't worry, we took care of it. You won't be hospitalized." Mona tells me and I don't think she understands how much it bothers me that she doesn't specify what that means  _ exactly _ .

"What… what do you mean you  _ handled it _ ?" I ask, my heart beating faster.

"Oh, don't worry. A few small arrangements, not something serious. You're not really sick, right? There’s no reason for you to be hospitalized. I also very much looking forward to continuing our conversation." Mona smiles at me and then comes down to the floor by sliding on a rope attached to her desk. She walks toward the entrance and then turns to Mr. Pokkins.

"Mr. Pokkins, accompany Sid out. I need to bring the toys in for a talk about Sid since we haven't had time to do that beforehand." She gives me a last smile and disappears.

"After me." Mr. Pokkins says, irritated like every time he needs to communicate with me. I wonder if that’s just how he is, or that’s how he is to  _ me _ . I guess only time will tell. 

I follow him quietly and as we pass by the entrance to their “town” I peek inside and see lots of toys going one way, many of them coming out of “buildings” one after the other.

I wonder what Mona will talk to them about me. I hope only good things.

Suddenly, I see the little bunny from before peeking out from behind one of the bushes. When she sees that I notice her I smile and wave at her, but she runs away, stomping on her ears for a moment. Gosh, she's so cute. 

After long minutes of quiet walking - except for some disturbing noises from the trees that I try to ignore when I don’t see anything - we finally reach the chain with the sign of the forbidden crossing. I begin to feel the cold breeze from the open area nearby.

"Here we are saying goodbye. Come here tomorrow at the same time and we’ll pick you up so you don't get lost in there. Goodbye." Mr. Pokkins says in his trying to hide it but still impatient voice and turns around to go.

"Wait, I have a question!" I shout at him, Mr. Pokkins slowly turns to me.

"Yes?" Mr. Pokkins asks, definitely wants to shoot me in the head. 

"How come no one asks about this sign? I mean, you put it here, right?" 

Mr. Pokkins sighs as I’m a huge annoyance and my heart twist in regret for asking. 

"No human comes here, Sid. Only Mr. Azarov and now you are. This place was carefully chosen and designed so that a human would not want nor be able to reach us."

"What, no human really comes here?"

Then I hear the same noises I heard from the trees on the way suddenly increasing and something lands in front of me. I scream and immediately silence myself when I see that it is one of the dolls I saw earlier today when I just arrived. 

A stuffed animal of a monkey with a pink but kinda shaved fur, followed by another one but with a brown fur that lands after a few seconds as well. They both laugh really loud.

"That's not exactly true Mr. Pokkins. Humans come here except for Oscy." The pink monkey says, he has a really deep voice that doesn’t feet his body at all.

"Human couples looking for a place to-  _ you know _ ." The brown monkey says and winks at me. Her voice is very high. 

I can’t help but being a little amused by this pair. Maybe they did put something in my drink. 

It takes me a moment to understand what she's talking about and I look at them in shock. Aren't toys supposed to be  _ innocent _ ?

On the other hand, I'm not sure I think that way after my conversation with Mona.

"But we scare them off with imitations of wolves."The pink monkey points with pride.

"Right, howllll!" The two monkeys start mimicking wolves and then fall to the ground with laughter.

The pink monkey stops his laughter for a moment when he realizes something. "Wait a minute, but Oscy is also included as part of these couples!"

"Right! Maybe we should scare him too next time!" The brown monkey says and they both continue to laugh, even more than before.

"Don't you have a conference to attend? Besides, you can't be here, it's dangerous!" Mr. Pokkins scolded them, but more worryingly then just mean.

"We wanted to see Sid Phillips up close. There's a rumor that he brought his shotgun with him and we wanted to see if that was true!" The pink monkey says excitingly. What? I didn't bring my shotgun with me! And how- no, why do they know about it? 

"Yes! And that he smells like onions!" The brown monkey adds. In response, I turn red and turn to smell my armpits. Shit, they're right. 

Mr. Pokkins just growls at them and the two monkeys giggle and jump back on the tree.

"Bye Sidney, was nice to know ya!" One of the monkeys shouts at me. 

Hearing them call me  _ “Sidney” _ makes me a bit uneasy but I can't help laughing a little by these two, they are really weird.

Mr. Pokkins' cold stare at me makes me stop immediately.

"Tomorrow." He says and disappears. 

I stare at the sky, the light of day dazzles me as if there was a lot less light inside this forest. 

Only one question remained to be asked. 

_ What the fuck just happened?  _

_ _


	8. A Livin' Thing

Although I am slowly digesting everything that has happened so far, I feel kind of euphoric.

The huge stone that sat in my heart and set up a colony there for 8 years, came down with such a dramatic bang that when I get to my truck, I need to calm down for a few moments before I can drive.

I can't help but believe everything that has just happened. It was the realest thing in my life. The toys, their structures, they were completely present.

I panic for a moment when I look in the mirror, not recognizing the happy person who gives me a smile back.

_ This is me. _

I start the vehicle and drive towards my house, forgetting about everything that ever caused me pain for a few long moments. The speaker is aimed at a high volume and I have never felt such piercing words before. Although I have heard this song a million times before, I have never felt it this way.

_ “It's a livin' thing, it's a terrible thing to lose _

_ It's a given thing, what a terrible thing to lose”  _

With how strange it sounds, I feel like I got my life back when understanding of the toys’ life. The irony.

I close my eyes for a moment with pleasure, almost making an accident. The vehicle behind me honks.

"Who gave you a license, idiot!" I see him through the left mirror letting his head out the window and screaming at me. Although what I'd usually expect of myself, it doesn't affect me.

But I really need to be more focused on the road. 

...

I enter my building while whistling. Huh, I forgot I could whistle.

As I close the door of the building behind me and look at the ruined old building in the darkness, my heart suddenly fills with emptiness. I don't want to be here, I want to be there, with the toys. They finally recognize me for the best and are also warm and friendly. And they want me, even... need me. These are feelings that I haven't felt in a long time from humans.

But, no. Both sides need time to digest the matter and I can't just stay there out of will. I'm not a toy.

As I turn down the stairs toward my apartment, the neighbor opens the door of her apartment, and freezes when she sees me. She narrows her eyes in anger and confusion, probably hoping I've disappeared forever.

I scratch my head. "Hi, I'm sorry for yesterday... I went through some things and..." I start but she interrupts me.

"I don't care, just keep quiet. I have a baby." She says angrily, looking suspicious.  _ Is she scared of me? _

I nod, confused. She bypasses me and walks out of the building swiftly, not looking at me.  _ Whatever. _

I walk into my house, and the first thing that greets me are the traps I put everywhere. My head was so busy I forgot to collect them. I no longer need them. I start collecting them one after the other and can't help but feel a little silly. To think that all these years, I thought those toys, which were just another living thing that wanted to live, are against me.

I collect all the traps in the big bag that I brought them in and wonder if I can return them. Shit, I bought a lot. I'm not even sure how much money I wasted on them.

Then, the last thing remains. My shotgun. I think I'll leave it for now. Not to use it against the toys but nonetheless… there are some rebels in them that are totally against me. 

I peek at the clock and it's already after noon. Wasn't Mrs. Krang supposed to be here by now...?

I reach my phone and call her. Only after a few long rings she answers me. It doesn't suit her.

"Hello, Sid?" Mrs. Krang asks on the other side. I breath in relief. She sounds fine.

"Mrs. Krang, how are you?" I ask. I hope everything is really okay. We last spoke up in an unpleasant situation and to think the toys are behind it... how did they "handle" it exactly?

"Sid, everything's fine! I'm sorry I didn't returned to you, I was busy arranging and packing-"

" _ Packing? _ " I ask, my heart is pounding fast. I hope she doesn't leave. Is it because of what happened to her son?

"Oh, right, I didn't update you! You won't believe it, it turns out we won a month's vacation in Hawaii, me and my family!" She is jubilant on the other side of the line. I've never heard her so happy.

"Wow, that's wonderful. How did you... win?" It can't be that the toys are behind it, right?

"It turns out to be some survey I filled in a while ago on the phone and completely forgot about. Don't worry, it's real, I've made sure." She says and I hear the smile in her voice. 

"It was very difficult for me to make that decision of leaving everything so suddenly, and I had to sort out so many things... but I need this break for a while." She says apologetically.

"Obviously, Mrs. Krang. I totally agree with you." I say, my heart shrinking. What would I do without her for a month? It's true that things are improving but... I need her.

No, I’m being selfish. Besides, if the toys are really behind it, they only meant well. 

"Wait, what about your son? With the... brawl?" I feel uncomfortable to ask but I have to.

"Oh, that was just a stupid misunderstanding. I know my son, he won't hurt a fly!" She says and giggles. I giggle too. I'm really happy for her. I already thought something bad had really happened but... that’s Sid before what happened today. I know the toys are good and not that much different from us humans.

"Sid, listen, I really apologize for leaving you like this. But, I'll send you a phone number of my good friend, Laura. She's a psychologist and will fill my place for this month. And anyway, anything you need, I'll be available on the phone." She says and I smile. I am so grateful for everything she does for me and I am really happy for her.

"And please, Sid, take care of yourself, okay? Laura is aware of the condition of all my patients and she would be happy to escort you to the hospital."

"Thank you very much Mrs. Krang. I promise I'll take care of myself."

I wish her a good trip and the conversation between us is hung up. This will be the first time in a long time that I will be completely alone.

But I won't really be alone. Now, there are the toys. And… there are also the people who know about the toys. Oscar Azarov and Sabrina Altier.

I wonder how they are. Mona said she likes Oscar. But... what happened with Sabrina? Why wouldn't she want to cooperate with the toys?

I think about how I really don't know anything about them. I haven’t even got the chance to look at the cork boards or the pictures on them.

I wonder… who are they, how are they, where they live, what they look like, what their age is…? How did they find themselves in this situation at all, that they know about the toys? Since when do they know about the toys?

Are they both crazy like me? What if they are more crazy than I am? Maybe they're normal and they'll think I'm crazy? What's their story? Is it similar to mine? Are they good, are they bad?

So many questions. I know I should let my brain relax but... to be honest, I won't be able to relax until I know the whole truth, right?

I try to calm myself with the fact that now I have no way of knowing the truth. Right now, I'm in my apartment and I'll go to another meeting with the toys tomorrow.

But… my fingers are tingling, and find their way to the computer. I type his name in the search engine. Oscar Azarov. I'm not really expecting to find anything, but I have no other way of getting information right now. What do I have to lose?

I get results from all kinds of Oscar Azarov throughout Russia. Well, I assumed he was Russian from his name so that confirms it. I try to search for his name in connection with the word ‘toy’, feeling silly but laughing at myself while doing it anyway.

I find pictures and articles. Well, he may be one of the people on these sites, but... what way can I know?

I try the other name. Sabrina Altier. Sabrina Altier + Toy.

Well, I didn't really expect to find anything...

But then my eyes dart and stop at an article in which the words Toy and Sabrina Altier appear. When I open it, I can’t believe what I see in front of my eyes.

The article is in French, but there is a picture of a woman in a red uniform and hat, holding a toy. I squeeze my eyes and get close to the screen trying to see how does the toy looks like. It seems like she’s holding a small bunny doll from its ear. It looks kind of like the bunny doll I saw today, the one that kept following me fearfully. 

There is a link at the bottom of the article and I click on it.

I enter a blog, and I still can't believe what I see against my eyes.

Once again, the entire blog is in French but… there are some unclear photos at first look, but when I concentrate I recognize some toys in them. The pictures have markings and captions in French. I examine the blog with wide eyes. Man, if only I knew French.

My heart stops when I get to the first picture that was uploaded to the blog. The picture is a scan of a drawing, inaccurate but I have no doubt it is who I think it is.  _ Mona. _

She looks the way she did before Mrs. Krang's fix. Even better than that.

But something in the expression that she is drawn bothers me. She doesn't smile but makes an indifferent expression, like a frozen doll. It's probably strange to me because when I met her she only smiled. It's hard for me to imagine Mona with such an expression.

I sit back on the chair and hold my head tightly, as if it helps me hold on to reality. _ No way. _

That means it's really Sabrina. But… what does that  _ really _ mean? It just bothers me more and I start to wonder if I made a mistake by searching. I'm sure this has an explanation, and Mona would probably be happy to explain to me when she trusts me more.

I go back to the previous pictures on the blog and try to understand what's really going on in them. I don't really succeed, but I recognize that there are pictures that show a doll in some situation, and then as if the doll is in a different situation. But… what is she trying to do? Maybe she's trying to show the dolls are moving? Is she trying to prove that they are alive? To whom?

While I don’t understand French, it is quite clear to me that this blog is disturbing. It completely oozes hatred for the toys, that's for sure.

I try to find English words in all this mess. Something to give me some more information. I jump when I recognize the word "Oscar" once but not even his last name is there.

I click back on the article and stare at Sabrina’s picture. It’s pretty blurry, but she seems to smile. Although, the way she is holding the bunny from its ear, it disturbs me... 

I shut down the computer and sigh. The feeling of fear permeates through me again and I regret what I did. I'm sure this has an explanation and I just had to wait patiently for Mona to give it to me.

I decide to end the day, can't wait for tomorrow.

...

To my surprise, I fell asleep quite easily. I was sure I was restless enough to have troubles, but the adrenaline has reached it’s dead end. Well, I've been through a lot of things these past few days so it makes sense.

When I wake up I stretch and my body is a little less tense than yesterday. I feel more optimistic. For a long time I wasn't happy to get up in the morning. Well, since always.

I pull the curtain and there’s no light outside. Well, that's how it is when you work in the early hours.

I get ready and head to work. I didn't arrive yesterday and before yesterday I left in the middle of work. According to Krang, I was supposed to be hospitalized today. I know she didn't told this to my boss, but I know she did update him about my "sick day" yesterday.  _ What would I do without her? _

When I arrive, the first thing I see is Stanley smoking by the entrance. I hope he doesn't ruin my good mood.

He immediately recognizes me and goes in my direction. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to walk faster so he can't reach me. But of course, Stanley manages to catch up.

"Sidney, wait a minute. What about wishing me a good morning?" I hear his prickly voice too close to me and I just want to hit him so bad. But, I have no power over him.

I walk toward the taskbar and suddenly feel Stanley grabbing me by the shirt and stopping me.

" _ What you want? _ " I turn to him, pulling myself out of his grasp, my voice higher than I expected. I usually try not to show that he annoys me because it just spurs him more.

"I just want to talk for a second, can I?" He blocks me and doesn't really give me a choice.

"I heard you had a breakdown after what happened the day before yesterday, and, well, you didn't arrive yesterday either."

" _ What? _ Where did you hear that?" I look at him with wide eyes. How does he know about my breakdown?  _ Why  _ does he know about it?

"You know how rumors run between the guys." He winks at me.  _ Why is he winking at me? _

"Anyway, I didn't know you would react that way, and now the boss is angry with me." He looks at me with his arms crossed, his tone threatening. My heart beats faster, more from fear than anger.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask nervously, calming myself down as Stanley's expression changes to more menacing.

"Tell him it was just a joke between friends and you’re a pussy. Tell him your cat is dead and that's why you lost it. Give him something, I don't care what,  _ just get him off of me. _ " Stanley attacks me. I've never seen him so nervous. "It's not my fault that you're sensitive." He adds.

" _ I'm not sensitive. _ " I clench my fists. I can't look at this person's face for another minute.

Stanley aggressively pulls me toward Tucker's office, knocking on the door and walking away before he sees him.

Tucker opens the door and stares at me for a moment in surprise, then smiles.

"Sid, I'm glad to see you're all right!" He squeezes my shoulder affectionately and I smile, embarrassed.

"Thanks, sorry for that." I say and scratch my head. Tucker invites me in and I obey with no other choice.

"It's okay, Sid." Tucker says and closes the door behind me, suddenly looking suspicious. "But I would be happy if  _ you _ explained to me what happened, so I would know how to handle the matter properly."

Tucker sits in front of me in his boss's chair, and I remember the same situation yesterday with Mona. When I’m about to answer, he interrupts me.

"I heard that the guys did you a trick, and you got upset. Although it is not entirely clear to me what really happened there." He looks at me, waiting to see if I'm gonna tell him the truth. On the one hand, for so long I was just waiting for an opportunity to get Stanley out of my life. But on the other hand... I'm afraid of what he’ll do if I cause him problems. Even so, it’s not enough to get him fired, instead I might be in danger of being fired myself.

I take a deep breath. "My cat died and I was really upset, and then the guys made cat sounds and…" I say tiredly. I'm actually a dog person. It reminds me of when Scud, my dog, died. I was extremely upset and skipped school that day. My parents don’t know about that, but they don’t care either. 

"I see. Well, it can happen to anyone." Tucker says and straightens, then gives me one last serious look. "But that's all that happened, right? Still, you're the youngest here and..."

I wait for him to continue but he doesn't, just looking at me expectantly for me to understand. "Uh, yes. That's all that happened." I nod.

"Good, good. Because... if something else happened... I really hope you would tell me. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there are things you should not keep quiet about to prevent... other victims." Tucker keeps looking at me. What does he think happened? "I wouldn't want things to be repeated because of a problematic person in my workplace, something that can be addressed at the moment." He adds.

"Nothing happened." I repeat, trying to hide my confusion.

"Great, you can get back to work. And... I hope you’ll feel better." He gives me a smile and goes back to his business. I nod and leave the office.

Fortunately I am not registered with Stanley at work today. Maybe it is on purpose. But just before we leave with the trucks Stanley grabs me by the arm to make sure of what I told Tucker. I tell him what just happened so he’ll leave me alone, and when the conversation between us ends he just stares at me with a smile and says quietly " _ Good boy. _ " Chills pass me as I leave him and get on the truck.  _ What's wrong with him? _

The work goes well but slow. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can’t wait to see the toys again. Every few minutes I look at the clock and see that it has only been a few minutes that passed, feeling impatient.

When the work ends, I'm so happy and in a hurry that I don’t notice Stanley is stalking me to the parking lot. I open my truck’s door and his hand grabs mine as I intend to enter. I stare at him, and my heart beats fast when I realize we're alone in the parking lot. What does he want from me now?

"I'm glad you defended me today." Stanley says, and once again smiles his smile that makes me shiver. "You saved my ass." He adds. Why does he say that? I didn’t do much. Besides, I did it because I'm scared of him. He knows it.

" _ I didn't defend you. _ " I say, grinding teeth. Stanley’s smile just getting bigger.

"I knew you have  _ something _ for me." I freeze and stare at him with wide eyes. What? What is he talking about?

" _ Let me go. _ " The only sentence I can get out of my mouth. I try to pull my hand, but he holds it tight. He laughs.

"Come on, you know you have no chance." His look scares me and I look away. My whole body is shaking. "And you want that, too."

"W-what?" I ask and I look back at him, trying to figure out what he wants from me.

"Don't play dumb, you're  _ teasing _ me all the time. You like it when we _ play. _ " He says and approaches me, and I try to dodge as much as I can, even though he holds my hand tightly. My body is starting to get hot, preparing to run away. "We're not that different, Sidney, you and I." He says slowly. I jump when his second hand, the one which isn’t holding me, begins to work its way under my shirt. My skin tingles where he touches me. He is so cold and I feel so gross and I can’t move. 

“A couple of lonely rejected men should stick together.” He continues, his voice full of poison, and I want to throw up. “ _ Besides, you like being my little toy, don’t you? _ ” 

" _ Please leave me alone. Please. _ " I beg, my voice trembles and I feel a tear running down my cheek. How did I end up in this situation?  _ Why _ did I end up in this situation? Everything was so good, why… why is this happening to me…

Suddenly, Stanley changes the way he looks at me. When he sees the tear on my cheek, he no longer smiles. I start to feel his grip on me loosening. 

Just when he let’s go of me, we hear a loud honk echoing through the parking lot. We both look at the direction it comes from and see a motorcycle without a rider reaching us from the entrance. The motorcycle stops a few meters in front of us, and growls at us, as if it’s angry.  _ Vroom vroom. _

The motorcycle is suddenly heading in our direction and I hear Stanley running away, but I can't detach my gaze from the motorcycle, it’s lights are getting bigger as it reaches me. I'm still frozen.

The motorcycle stops a meter before me, and turns off. I look at it and breathe heavily, feeling like I'm about to pass out.

Behind the handlebar, a brown monkey toy jumps off to the floor and waves at me. I recognize her from yesterday. 

"Hello, Sid Phillips!" She calls me from below and giggles. "What do you say about our rescue operation?"

I look at her in shock, unable to utter a word. My heart is still beating fast and my body is full of adrenaline. Plus I'm not used to seeing the toys act so lively outside their safe area.

The brown monkey shift her stare at something behind me, and I look at the same direction. 

“Keith!” she shouts at him in delight. 

The pink monkey bounces in our direction, looking pleased.

"Carr, you wouldn't believe how this old man ran! I didn't think old people could run like that!" They both laugh, like they are a one being. When they reunite, they kiss and turn to look at me.

"What, you don't thank us? We saved you!" Keith asks me amusingly.

"Thank you." I say, still breathless. "How… did you know?" After the question comes out, I wonder why I still ask this question.

But I get a different answer from the usual answer of "we know everything."

"You're our friend now, Sid. Friends need to protect each other." Carr says and they both smile at me, a genuine smile. There is nothing  cynical about it.

"Thank you." I say and smile genuinely too, because I’m genuinely thankful, as much as I can. But I can't do it for too long. I fall to the ground and cover my face and start crying, my body is still shaking.

After a few seconds I feel their fabric touch on my bare skin. They are hugging me. They don't have the warmth of a living being, but they are warmer than any other person I've ever known. 


	9. A Little Help

I can't remember the way home. I think Carr and Keith talked to me and asked me questions. Carr asked me if I wanted them to escort me home ( _ the toys _ will escort  _ me _ home...?) and Keith seemed to be  insecure about the matter.

"We need to come back, Carr. We promised Mona." Keith whispered.

"But we can't leave Sid alone!" Carr was trying to whisper unsuccessfully.

"He'll join us soon, at the time Mona stated, right Sid?" Keith asked me, but my mind was somewhere else and the world was blurry.

"Yes..." I whispered. They both looked at me anxiously but left after a few minutes out of no choice. I dragged myself into my truck and drove home.

Now I find myself lying in bed, wrapped in a blanket and staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, breathing heavily. My eyes won’t dry, my body won’t stop shaking and my head is pounding with pain.

Since the moment I got into this position, I'm frozen. I don’t know how long, or what happens to me. I feel nothing but disgust, the helplessness and the sensation of Stanley's fingers. Every time I close my eyes I imagine the situation over and over again, feeling like I'm defenseless. I'm so empty and tired.

_ I don't want to be alone. I'm scared. _

Then as if reading my thoughts, my phone vibrates. My hand wants to reach it and answer, but is also scared to do so. What if it's Stanley? Does he have my phone number at all? 

The vibration stops and I let out a sigh of relief, but after a few seconds the phone vibrates again. This time I stretch my hand and grab it. When I’m looking at the display an unknown number appears. I choose to answer, but not to speak.

"Hello?" I hear an unknown voice from the other side. "Sid Phillips?"

It sounds like a man's voice, but it's not someone I know, and certainly not  _ Stanley _ .

"Hello?" I answer back, my voice hoarse and weak. I clear my throat and say again. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sid. How are you feeling?" I still can't identify the voice but it sounds formal.

"Who's that?" I ask, my voice still hoarse.

"Mr. Pokkins is speaking. Mona's second in command." He says, and for a moment I feel like I'm hallucinating. Can the toys call me? I don't know why this surprises me. "The... penguin." He points.

"Yes, I remember you." I say quietly. Mr. Pokkins... clears his throat? Does he have a throat?

"So how do you feel? I have to report to Mona because of your lack of arrival to the toy area when you set." He continues formally. Why do they have to know everything about me, even thing like  _ this _ ? It feels a little bit like they are trying to control me. 

...No. I'm just on edge, it’s not fair to throw my frustration at them, they just want to be my friends. 

"Give my apology to Mona, I don't feel so good." I say and sigh.

"Did you get sick in the short term we didn't encounter or is it because of what happened with Stanley White?" His voice continues in the same tone.  _ That too... they all know that too…  _

I set the phone aside, take the pillow and put it over my head, so that it covers it all. Maybe if I dig my head into the pillow hard enough all the pain will go away. 

"Sid? Are you there?" I hear Mr. Pokkins' slow, tired voice coming from the phone. "Sid." 

I put the phone on my ear and take a deep breath, my voice muffled by the pillow. "Listen, I don't think I can get there right now." I say quietly, not at all sure if he heard me. Actually, I don't care. And to think that only an hour ago I was so happy because I knew I was going to see the toys again. 

I hear Mr. Pokkins sigh on the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry for what you went through, Sid."

I close my eyes, the hand not holding the phone hurts from digging my nails deep into the flesh of my palm, feeling a tear streaming down my cheek. I didn't think I had any more liquid left in me to cry.

"I'll tell Mona about your situation, and if you decide to come anyway, she'll be very happy to see you. Plus, I think it will make you feel good. In situations like this you shouldn't be left alone." Mr. Pokkins says, and I hear a new tone in his voice. Compassion. I remain silent, not in a state to comment anymore.

After a few seconds of silence, I hear background noises coming from Mr. Pokkins' side. "I apologize, I can't really talk to you right now. I use my owner's home phone and she just came back." His voice suddenly becomes quieter and faster. "Goodbye for now."

He hangs up and I drop the phone on the bed. The phone bounces and I’m not sure if it fell off or not. 

For what feels like an hour, I remain in the same position. The pillow covers my face, my body is protected by a blanket. Whenever a bad thought penetrates my head, I try to block it with a positive thought. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I'm too tired to do it and the thoughts win me over. On one occasion, the thoughts attack me so hard that the world turns black, and I find it hard to breathe. I throw the pillow off me and stand, looking for escape from my madness, though unsuccessfully. I'm leaning against the wall, panting heavily, and as I lower my hands that grab tightly into my hair, I can see that I've been pulling some hair without noticing. After a few minutes of wrestling with myself it stops, my breathing slows down and my body less - but still - tense.

As my eyes slowly close, I imagine something small outside my window. Maybe a bird. 

Then, that something small starts to bounce. When I think I'm going crazy I rub my eyes and the bouncing thing is still there. I get up slowly and move toward the window, as I get closer I recognize the same little pink bunny toy with red eyes. I don't know if it's the same one, but when I put my hands down and lean against the glass, she panics for a moment like she did at the last times she saw me, looking as if she is debating whether to stay or go.

I stare at her with narrow eyes, as if the light of day dazzles me. She continues to stare at me with careful curiosity, her ears twitching with every sniff. Her cuteness raises a small smile on my face.

"Do you want to come in?" I ask her hoarsely. After a few seconds, when I wonder if she understands me, she nods. 

I open the window and a cool breeze comes from outside, gives me a bit of the fresh oxygen I needed. The bunny stays in place without entering, anticipating each of my responses with her gaze. I give her time to adapt and walk back to sit on my bed, glancing at her from afar, but not staring at her so as not to frighten her.

She jumps out the window and falls on her stomach, and I jump in panic in response. She immediately stands back on her feet and seems fine, even more than fine. She seems excited. She jumps on my bed and sits next to me, looking at me curiously. 

"Hello," I say, smiling at her again. "what’s your name?"

She stares at me for a moment in astonishment, as if it's strange for her that I'm talking to her like it's for me, and then she smiles mischievously. "My name is Toot!" She says in a loud and childish voice and it surprises me. Her face is beaming, and she looks so pure that it triggers positive emotions inside me.

"I'm Sid." I say. "Although you probably know that already." 

Toot giggles, and her laughter is like a little girl's, making her cuter.

"Hello, Sid." She says breathlessly and then giggles again, as if she doesn't believe those words come out of her mouth. 

"What are you doing here, Toot?" I ask in a gentle tone so that she won’t misinterpret it and think she’s unwelcome. 

"I came to give you company, so that you won't be alone!" She says, her little tail wiggling behind her. It feels like she already feels more comfortable talking to me after making sure I don't hurt her. Mona probably sent her to fetch me.

"To be honest," she says quietly, then approaches me more carefully. I get closer to her to hear her better. "I'm not supposed to be here." She replies as if reading my thoughts. I hope toys don't read thoughts. 

"Oh, really?" So... Mona didn't send her?

"Yeah, I heard Mona talk to Carr and Keith about something bad that happened to you and she was worried about you being alone so... I decided to come myself because no one else could."

"But don't tell anyone, I'm not supposed to eavesdrop on the council's talks." She adds immediately.

"Aren't you in the council?" I ask. Truth be told, I couldn't quite understand what's going on in this toy area from the brief moment I was there.

Toot shakes her head. "The council are build from a number of toys, not everyone who is living at the toy area are in it. Most of us just live there because we don't have owners, or just don't want owners." She says, and then seems to regret it. "Oh, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you things like that."

"It's okay, I won't tell anyone." I smile at her and when she sees my smile the worry disappears from her face and her eyes glow. She just stares at me quietly and shyly. 

"So... why aren't you a part of the council? It seems like your size can help track down humans like me." I'm trying to make a joke, but at first she seems surprised at this saying, it's unclear whether for the better or for the worse.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." I apologize.

"No, no!" She giggles, and I look at her in confusion. "You caught me red handed, I really... do it sometimes. Well, all the time. Hehe."

I laugh and she goes on. She seems excited that she managed to make me laugh. "But they think I'm too naive, and that I don't know how to keep secrets." She speaks positively, it doesn't seem like those words hurt her. "Well, the secrets part is true."

I laugh again. I don't know why she elicits so many of these reactions from me, especially in my current state. There is something special about her.

"Hmm, so... how old are you?" I wonder if this is a legitimate question to ask a toy.

Toot tilts her head sideways, probably not entirely clear to her why I asked this question. I guess age in toys is interpreted differently. "I am 14 years old. But for us the ages are not like yours." She explains with a smile.

"Oh." I say, confused. Does that mean she's older or younger? Or is there no such thing as a young and old in the toy world...?

There is a silence between us for a few seconds while Toot stares at me in deep thought. "Can I tell you something, Sid?" She says in the end. At first, she seems to be worried, but after I say "of course" and smile, she seems to calm down.

"I used to be really scared of you." She says, her voice not so bright anymore and her red eyes glow as she stares at me. 

I look away, feeling embarrassed, don't know how to respond.

"I was in a point where I experienced a lot of bad things from humans I met, and it was hard to find the good in you." I hear her continue, though I don't look at her. "And my friends... they talked about you like you were a monster." She suddenly sounds serious, not like her usual positive tone. 

"I... understand why..." I whisper, my face getting hot. She stays quiet for a few moments, then continues.

"...But when you came to us yesterday, and I saw how you behave... it wasn’t the monstrous Sid I've always heard of."

_ Monstrous… that’s a new word. _

"I don't think you're a bad person. I've seen bad people and also... bad toys. But... you're not like them." Her tone returns to being positive, and I turn to look at her and see that she smiles shyly again. What did she went through? Thinking about what happened to me today, It’s not hard to believe the possibilities. 

"Thank you, Toot." I smile at her and she looks as if she is blushing.

I notice that since Toot entered my apartment, I stopped thinking about Stanley. Something about her energy seems to purify me.

But she’s too pure for me. "But... you don't know me yet." I add tiredly with no choice. She herself said that she was innocent, maybe that was just her innocence talking.

"True, but I have a long time to get to know you! You're still young!" Her tail wiggles and her ears twitch and I grin. She manages to cheer me up.

"So… what do you like to do? Want to see a movie?" I suggest, embarrassed. I don't know how to host because I've never done it, and I don't have too much to offer as well. I have tapes of some movies I've seen hundreds of times in my life but that's not the problem. Most of them are horror and violent movies and I'm not sure how much of it will be to her liking.

"Actually, I can't stay here too much." She stops me on the way to the closet. "I have to go back to the toy area."

"Oh," I turn to her, feeling disappointed. I had a nice time with her, it felt less lonely. Especially in my state now. "It's okay, I understand."

"Want to come with me?" She looks at me expectantly, her tail wiggling again. I stare at her for a moment without saying anything. I don't want to be alone but I just can't get out of the house or do anything right now. My whole body is tense and anxious.

"You’re sweet but… I don't feel so good, Toot..." I sit down on the bed with a thud, which makes her jump and almost fly off of it. I catch her a moment before she falls, and she looks at me at first in shock and then giggles.

"Oops." She says, grinning. It seems strange to her at first that I hold her, as if she has still of a little fear of me, but then it seems warm and safe for her in my hands.

"Sorry." I smile apologetically and put her next to me. She looks at me in disappointment. 

"You know, when I'm sad and lonely, there's nothing like spending time with friends and family!" She sings it more than says it, and I can't help but giggle. This Toot is something special, she may be small and we only talked for a few minutes, but it feels like she has a lot more going on than I can imagine.

"It would be nice if I had any..." I say quietly. Toot looks at me in amazement, as if surprised by what I said.

"You have us!" She says like it's obvious. It’s strange to me that the toys talk like we have been friends for years, even though we only spoke for the first time yesterday and for years I feared them. I wonder why. Is it because toys are like that? A “specie” that connects quickly to humans because that is their goal? Or maybe it's because they've been following me all these years and they really do know me for a long time. 

Anyway, I still don't know what I'm feeling about it. I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm careful. It's all new to me, and it's not that easy to change a way of thinking I've had for eight years. 

I look at Toot who’s just waiting patiently for my answer, expecting it to be positive.

I think I’m just not used to get help like this. I only trusted Mrs. Krang for a long time in times of need. But now… in such a short time already a few toys has reached to help me. 

I should loosen up. I don't want to be alone, and the truth is, I really wanted to see the toys again and talk to them more only a few hours ago. Looks like they really want me, and it feels good to be welcome. It's not something I experience much so it’s new to me. 

"All right, let's go." I say at the end and Toot bounces with joy. 


	10. A New Type Of Friendship

I guess it's "funny" to think that  _ toys _ are the ones to save me from  _ humans _ , which for years I felt like being among other  _ humans _ saved me from being attacked by  _ toys _ .

So far, the great trauma that has changed my life has been what happened with the toys, while humans - no matter how bad - weren’t even compared to my fear of toys. The toys were the worst in my perspective, so much it made me forget about the pain humans caused and could cause.

Things have changed in the last few days and now I can no longer give a definitive answer. What's worse? The humans or the toys who hurt me?  _ Does it even matter?  _

It feels weird when Toot jumps on me and sits on my shoulder, but it gives me a sense of security (and I'm pretty sure it's mutual) that I can't explain. Such a small thing cannot protect me. I smile at her and she turns to smile back at me, and when I feel she's about to fall I grab her and hold her warmly in my palm. When I get into my truck I place her on the dashboard. She glues her face to the window and stares outside in amazement. "Is this your first time in a car?" I ask her as I start the engine and she jumps in fright.

But then she giggles. "I keep sneaking into vehicles all the time, but it's always exciting!" She says enthusiastically and presses her nose even more into the glass. I can't help but smile.

The drive is not so long but Toot makes it feel faster thanks to the voiceover she does to everything she sees with enthusiasm, as if it's her first time. Though I think that's just her personality. Occasionally, she gives me a look to make sure my mood remains positive. I make sure to give her a smile back, and every time she panics when I catch her in the act of staring at me, she blushes and looks away, continuing her narration.

Only when we arrive and Toot stops talking, the awful feeling of what happened with Stanley creeps through my body and I freeze. But then, a quick look at Toot smiling at me does the charm and defrosts me. I pick her up and she makes noises of resistance.

"Do you want me to put you down?" I ask her in confusion.

"I'm afraid Mona will be angry that I went to your house. She'll guess I eavesdropped on them." Toot says quietly. And as if on cue, we hear howls from inside the forest.

"On the other hand..." She goes on suddenly and I hear an increasing rustling of trees. "I had to think about it before we got here." And when she says that, Carr and Keith land on the ground next to us and I jump in fright. It takes me a moment to catch my breath.

"I told you it's Sid!" Carr says enthusiastically.

"Oh well, it’s always fun to howl." Keith says, and when he sees the startled look in my eyes, he continues with a chuckle. "We startled you, Sid?"

Carr looks excited. "Sid, you've arrived! We thought you wouldn't come..." she says anxiously.

"I have a feeling it's because of someone..." Keith says, and they both turn to look at Toot, grinning. In response, Toot giggles in embarrassment and turns away. "Eavesdropping again, you dwarf?" Keith continues, sounds mad but his face is cheerful.

"Toot, you have to stop doing that. You’ll get yourself in trouble, and maybe us too." Carr says seriously and crosses her hands, Keith nods in agreement and turns serious as Carr. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, like it's my fault. I hope Toot doesn't get into trouble because of me.

"But as usual, you're lucky it’s us." Keith says and I stare at them in confusion.

"Right." Carr nods in agreement, her expression softening. There is silence and then Toot starts laughing and the monkeys join her. She jumps to the ground from my hands, which scares me for a moment and makes me try to grab her in fear. But I'm slow and she's already on the ground, facing the monkeys. Keith stretches a hand to tickle her with his finger, because it’s enough to her size, and she giggles. I stare at them and can't help but smile.

Carr looks at me. "Are you ready to go, Sid?"

"Oh yeah sure." I say apologetically.

They lead me in the special way that was made by them to human beings - now I am one of them. As we get closer, the familiar buzz of many toys working and talking together is increasing, a sound that used to play in my nightmares. At the point near the entrance to their "town", I feel a gentle grip on the lower part of my jeans and I stop. I look down and see that it’s Toot, staring at me with the expectation that I will give her attention. 

"Sid, I have to go." She says, looking at me with sad eyes, her voice quiet. Carr and Keith who notice that we stopped are stopping as well and giving Toot an amused look.

"Come visit me later, okay?" She pleads shyly.

"I'll try." I scratch my head, embarrassed. I’m not used to such affections.

Keith puts his hands on his hips. "Toot, give Sid some space." Carr nods in agreement.

"No, that's fine. I just don't want to be of trouble here." I say quietly.

"That too." Carr says, and immediately corrects herself. "Not that you're making trouble, Sid! You're just, y’know, a human." She apologizes.

"Obviously, that's understandable." I feel heat in my cheeks.

"Fine... see you later, Sid!" Toot waves at me and I wave back. She jumps into one of the bushes, her tail wiggling for a moment before disappearing.

"Don't worry Sid, she'll follow us." Keith says with amusement and I can't help but chuckle.

"Yes, apologies on behalf of Toot, she is very excited that you are joining us." Carr says wearily.

"...Really?" It's hard for me to understand why, especially she said she was scared of me in the past.

The toys keep going and I follow them, giving one last look at the entrance. I wonder what's going on, what is it like to live there... are they living like us? How many human things do they share with us? Most of them do not make sense to me. We walk quietly, but the thoughts in my head are noisy and it doesn't feel that way.

"I have a question..." I say as the silence is broken due to the noise I make as I try to make my way through a crooked branch. "Is it really such a serious matter that I am here in terms of toys?” I ask, my face warms up again. I hope it’s not bold.

"Not as you think, Sid." Keith turns around and gives me an encouraging smile. "You are serious matter in terms of the council and everyone directly connected to it. That means mainly Mona, Mr. Pokkins, us and a few other superiors. There are some rebel toys in the area that used to hold a grudge against you for more personal reasons. But the other toys and especially those who do not live here are not aware of you."

I feel as if a stone has dropped from my heart and I close my eyes for a moment. It's reassuring to know that, feels like I got so much information from Mona that I can't digest, but on the other hand it also feels like I didn't get enough information to really understand.

"I suppose Mona will keep you updated later, but this whole experience of the human ambassadors is not an issue that concerns all the toys in the world. There are  _ a lot _ of them. It's not a secret either, but it's not critical for them to know at the moment. As long as it's the way it is now, of course." Carr adds.

"Oh, I see." I say quietly. 

"In addition, Mona doesn't want to create an unnecessary mess and confusion. The toys that live here know about you because you are literally walking among us. But outside of this forest, it isn’t so. Mona doesn't want the rebels who might still keep a grudge against you to make a mess." Keith explains. I don't know how to express how reassuring it is to know that. I felt like I was a bigger deal than I really am which only made me more anxious. 

"And Toot - she’s something special." Carr suddenly adds in a warmer, less serious tone. "None of us have any idea why she's so excited about your collaboration with us, but that’s how she always been - enthusiastic about pretty much everything. So don't feel uncomfortable about it." Yes, I noticed.

"She's really sweet." I say with a smile, feeling my chest warming up.

A few meters in front of Mona's office, we stop and wait while Carr enters. Keith winks at me. "Don't feel deprived, Sid. The toys’ great enthusiasm was mainly when Oscar first came here, because he was the first human. Plus, he came without too much warning." I wonder what does that mean but feel like it’s not the right time to ask, thinking it’s probably a long and complicated story. 

"I don't feel deprived, that's fine." I say as my face is warming up. Actually… maybe a little. Still, it feels good to be a big deal and important sometimes - when it's for a good reason, of course.

I can hear Mona and Carr talking quietly from inside. Talking about me, but I can’t really make up the words. After a few minutes they both come out and Mona looks at me with a smile. "Sid, wonderful to see you eventually came. Thank you." Her face is beaming. What is so gratifying about seeing me? I'm tempted to ask.

"You don't have to thank me." I say quietly, feeling like the heat in my face will never be gone at this rate.

"It's not taken for granted that you'll find the strength to come. Bad people exist everywhere, but you have to move on and not let them win." I feel embarrassed by this... encouragement, but try to keep smiling out of courtesy.

"You're right." I say with a hoarse voice, making a small cough right after.

"Sid, tell Mona how funny it was when we made that old man run away!" Keith tugs at my pants, like Toot did to make me give her attention, only a bit stronger. Carr gives him a serious stare, makes him immediately become silent.

"Maybe you shouldn't make Sid relive unpleasant memories." Mona says with a little bit uncharacteristic aggression in her usual formal tone, the compassion for me is evident. I feel a lump in my throat and a strange feeling in my chest and I want to cry, not just because of sadness. 

"We'll leave you alone." Carr says with a smile and pulls Keith behind her, both waving goodbye to me as they walk away toward the area we came from. I wave back and suddenly think it’s funny and odd that they actually walk and act like real monkeys. Do they unconsciously do that, or on purpose? As they disappear behind one of the trees and reappear, I see Keith holding Toot in his hands, her face turned to the ground and her little legs wiggling around, looking defeated. I make a small smirk and feel a strong need to go there and give her a hug.

When I shift to look back at Mona, I see she is still looking at me and hasn't moved a muscle, her smile is spreading bigger on her face, completely missing what happened behind her. "I'm glad to see that you're starting to feel comfortable here." She says after a few seconds of silence when I start to shift uncomfortably. So… maybe not completely. 

"Well… I owe you." I say and scratch the back of my head.

"You owe us nothing, Sid." Mona says and her look turns serious, as if what I said is unthinkable. "The only thing you owe us is to be yourself." She goes on, as if she is a counselor trying to make me love myself. She could totally be one.

"That's... something I think I can do." _ But I’m not sure you’d like.  _

"Excellent." Mona says happily and turns towards her office. I follow her, assuming that's what she wants me to do. She climbs up on her desk and sits in her little chair resting on the table, I sit down in the chair in front of her. My legs fold, like an adult sitting in a child’s chair. I raise my chair a little, but when I reach higher than Mona's eye level she seems unhappy and I lower it back down, apologetically.

"Because you arrived late than we set, unfortunately our time will be very short today." Realizing that her tone came out insufficiently sensitive, she corrects herself. "Not that I'm blaming you, of course. I'm glad you've arrived and that's what matters."

I nod and she grins. She starts to search through notes attached to her side of the table and I can't help but think how cute her little hands are when they do it. After a few seconds her little face twists in confusion, as if wondering if she has lost something.

"I apologise, when Mr. Pokkins is not here I always have trouble finding things. He has some organizing technique I never understand." I hear her say from under the table and can’t help but laugh a little bit, hoping she didn’t hear that. I take a deep breath, trying to release some of the stress on my chest by keeping myself busy with looking around. Yesterday I was so busy with trying to comprehend that everything around me was actually happening, that now I feel like I’m in a completely different place. Like I'm seeing everything for the first time. Or maybe... she's actually made changes since yesterday?

It’s strange that only yesterday I was in the same chair and was exposed to so many things I did not know before. The chair squeaks under me as I move left and right to look around, and suddenly I start to to wonder more things, who sits on it except me? What are they talking about here? My thought just keeps running and running until Mona makes them stop by talking to me. 

"Sid, are you comfortable?" She frowns slightly as she notices I'm moving too much in the chair.

"Yes. Well... maybe a little stressed." I laugh nervously.

"You have nothing to be stressed about, that's the last thing we want you to feel." Mona smirks, and I join her.

"It's just... I feel like you might be expecting something from me that I can't provide you." I say quietly, looking down, feeling like my younger self when my parents were disappointed at me. Back then, their response was to physically hurt me, but I don’t think Mona’s fists will be as painful.  _ Shut up, Sid _ . I hope toys can’t really read thoughts. 

In response, Mona raises her eyebrows. "Sid... I promise that things will be a little clearer after today." She suddenly make a small shriek of enthusiasm - oh, that's cute too - when she finds the note she was looking for.

"This is for you," she hands it to me, and I examine it with narrowed eyes. It has several phone numbers and names next to it. Keith and Carr, Mr. Pokkins and the rest I do not recognize. There is one at the end highlighted with a marker, the only one with no name next to it. "-So you know who's calling you, and also in case you need to contact us for some reason. It's better to call the number highlighted, but if not, try the others, but disguise yourself."

When I give her a still confused look, Mona makes herself clear. "The numbers belong to the toy owners, so it might be a human answering you. Just say it's a mistake or something."

I wonder in what situation I'll have to call them. "And the highlighted number?" I ask. Mona taps on the cell phone that is hiding behind her pen box. I nod. I didn't expect most of the contacts on my phone would belong to toys one day... well, more like oblivious humans that have no idea who I am. Or, for that matter, that their toys are fucking alive.

"Well, let's talk about what I'm guessing that concerns you the most - when are we sleeping?" Mona stops for a second to look at me, and when I don't answer and just give her a dumb look, she says. "Well, the answer is at night." She snores, and it’s uncanny but still cute.

When I realize after a few seconds of silence that she was probably trying to make a joke to break the ice, I give her a laugh and a nod understanding. At least she's trying, but... I wouldn't advise to keep that. When she realizes it's not working out, she returns to her serious self.

"Well, enough joking. What you really want to know is about the ambassadors project." Mona nods as if approving herself and then giggles to herself again. She is different from yesterday, as if she feels a little more comfortable with me too. It makes me like her more.

"To sum it up, what you need to know is that our intention is to have sort of a mutual partnership." The atmosphere between us becomes like business and I straighten in my chair. "Which means we will help you with anything you need, and you will help us. Friendship." Mona finishes with a smile, as if it's simple.

I nod. But if it was just “friendship” she wouldn't call it a project... I'm not asking questions, only waiting for her to continue, so she goes on. "For example, we give you our protection against someone trying to attack you, a toy or a human being," my chest tightens. "And you will do the same in case anyone tries to hurt us."

"How... am I supposed to protect you?" I ask, trying not to sound selfish or insensitive. Obviously I want to protect them, even without being part of a project, but I really don't think of anything I can do to help them. Looks like they're doing really well on their own.

"Even a small gesture that can stop a child from abusing a toy, is already a big help. We want to help as many toys in need as possible, because in most cases we have trouble to do so." Mona says, looking down.

I nod, try to brighten her by showing her I understand. "Like for example, if I see kids pulling or stepping on a toy, I can..." I begin to say and Mona proceeds me. "Bring him here if he doesn't belong to them. And if he does, then tell them to treat their belongings better." Mona tries to hide the anger that creeps into her voice, but I understand where it's coming from. I can't imagine what a frustrating situation they're in.

"But other than that, there are lots of things that we can't, or simply, find difficult to do as toys. Like, for example, carrying this table here." Mona proudly knocks on the table with her little hands. I imagine a large amount of toys trying to push an abandoned table they found on the street without making any human pay attention to them. I grin, it’s kinda mean of me but it sounds cute. Though this place is in the middle of nowhere, I really can't imagine them dragging a table from town to here.

"We owe Oscar about 70% of the stuff we have here." She giggles and then adds with slight mockery. "Although Oscar is a relatively skinny guy, he manages to carry a lot of things by himself."

I am reminded that I know nothing about Oscar except that I now know that he is a "relatively skinny guy" and that he probably lives in Russia. "Oscar... doesn't live here, does he?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at the question. Mona shakes her head wearily.

"No. Unfortunately, our only human ambassador currently lives far away from us - the headquarters. He obviously helps where he lives, and also goes above and beyond to come here and keep in close contact with us, but of course I would have preferred him to live nearby. It would be more convenient, saving us time and money." Mona says wearily. I want to ask her where the money is coming from but wonder if it will be rude to. It’s so bizarre this whole world of toys lives under our noses.

"How did you guess he didn't live here?" Mona asks suddenly, catching me unprepared in the middle of my musings.

"Yesterday, I... I tried to look for some information about him." I say slowly, hoping revealing my impatient self won’t make her like me less.

Mona giggles. "I said I'll tell you everything you want to know."

"Sometimes it's hard for me to hold back." I admit. I don't know why, but I expect her to be angry, again, like an adult disappointed with his child. Instead, Mona stares at me and smiles.

"In the future, thanks to you and Oscar, we may be able to make a serious change in the world’s view of toys." She says suddenly, her eyes sparkling.

It sounds more serious and deeper than I can imagine, so I just ask, in a voice that feels too small for the question "How do you... think about doing this?"

“I can't elaborate on that right now.” She says, then adds, “It's not personal, Sid. But there is a lot of information we prefer to keep to ourselves as a security measure." I nod slowly, knowing that nothing I say will probably change that. "Right now, the most important thing is to keep our secrecy. "

When we are quiet, I try to summarize the thoughts that run through my head in questions, but not quick enough before Mona speaks.

"Oh, about Oscar," she begins again, a big smile spreading across her face, and all my attention is concentrated on her at once, my body wakes with anticipation. "If there are no problems with his flight or something else, he’s supposed to arrive here until tomorrow to meet you."

My heart accelerates in my chest. "R-Really?" I say, breathless. I didn't think I'd meet him so soon. More thoughts join the chaos in my head.

Mona nods with a smile, satisfied with my excitement. "He is very excited to meet you. As soon as I updated him that we were planning to contact you, he started getting ready to come here as soon as possible." I smile even though my body is soaked with stress. To think he was (almost) the only human communicating with them, he must have been just waiting for a moment to share it with another human.

"I'm very excited, too." I say with a smile, but at the same time feel my stomach turning. What if he’ll be disappointed in me? Until he finally has someone to share this bizarre side in his life, that someone is not completely sane... On the other hand, I doubt he's sane either.

"Can you maybe... tell me a little about him before?" I ask carefully, not wanting to bother, even though I deserve to know. I wonder how much he knows about me.

"What do you want to know?" She asks, putting her chin on her hand. Actually, I don't know where to start.

"Is he... coming from Russia?" I ask, trying to sort out the facts I do know, like in a 21-question game. Mona nods. "And you said you liked him." I ass, Mona nods again and smiles in confusion, not quite understanding the form of my questions. To be honest, so am I. I don't know what question to ask that won't sound unnecessary or that would actually be answered.

"How did he... find out about you?"

Mona looks at me intently for a moment, as if thinking about something. After a few seconds of silence, she seems to come to a decision. "I think he should tell you that."

"Why?" I ask before I even consider my words.

"It's a bit of a… sensitive story. I don't think it’s my right to tell." She gives me a serious but tender look. I don't know what to say, so I'm just nodding, having trouble imagining what that means. But her expression suddenly changes to something undefined. "But I do want to make something clear, in case Oscar omits this detail from the story," she adds suddenly, her voice slightly edgy. "What happened was a violation of our law, much like your case." I nod again and swallow, wondering why it was so important to note it. I sigh quietly, Mona definitely teaches me a lesson on patience.

But then I remember, with all the Oscar talk, I'd already forgotten about Sabrina. "And about Sabrina..." I ask cautiously, knowing this is surely a problematic issue. Mona completely avoided saying anything about her, except that she decided not to cooperate. Something in her voice then sounded... angry. Plus, what I saw yesterday on the internet was strange and even disturbing. Like I predicted, when I say her name, Mona's face seems to be twitching for a moment, unless I'm imagining it.

"As for Sabrina, I don't have much to tell you. Our relationship with her was very brief and irrelevant." Mona struggles to stay graceful, it's clear to me. Yesterday she was much more restrained. I have no reason to try to push this issue right now, there's no way Mona will tell me more than that. Knowing it’s more important for me to maintain a good relationship with Mona, I drop it.

But still, something feels off and I can't just forget about this woman who obviously doesn't like Mona and don't seem to have a sentiment for toys in her blog. Maybe I'll try to ask Oscar when I meet him, he probably knows.

"Sid... just one last issue, before we say goodbye for today." Mona says gently looking my eyes intently. This is it? This is where the conversation ends?

"About what happened to you with Stanley," she continues, and I find it hard to breathe hearing his name. Mona rises from her chair and walks towards me. When she reaches me, she sits down next to my hand and puts her little hand on mine. Her voice proceeds in the same gentle tone. "Let us help you, Sid."

I don't know what that means, but I feel my hand shake under her hand, my head reliving that ongoing nightmare of the scene in the driveway. I concentrate on Mona's face, who is trying to support me, trying to pull my thoughts away.

"To help?" I ask quietly, my voice hoarse.

"You have to report it," Mona says decisively, as if it's a simple thing to do. I wonder if she really understands.

"Mona..." I start but she continues right away. "Once you do that, I promise we will back you up."

I narrow my eyes as if to see her better, as if she is far away from me and my incessant thoughts built a wall between us. Her grip on my hand tightens, but comfortingly. "We won't let anyone hurt you again."

I want to believe her, I wish I could. They really saved me from him the last time. But… how much can they help me? They are toys. I suddenly feel strong anxiety, but Mona's soothing voice snaps me out of it.

"The only thing you have to do is report it. And if he dares to try to cause you more pain..." She stares into my eyes, and I remember how she rested with her head almost completely ripped on Mrs. Krang's dog tongue, staring at me the same way now. I'm starting to wonder if she did it to herself on purpose... no way.

"He'll pay." She says in the end, her tone of voice is rough. I just stare at her, not even blinking. My feelings are at war. Mona slowly releases my hand, returning to her chair. I stare at the table. I'd like them to hurt him, to be scarred like I was, like he made me. But at the same time... I sigh.

"Sid," Mona says suddenly, her tone bright again. I raise my head to look at her and see her smile. "See you tomorrow."

When I walk out of Mona's office, I remember that Toot wanted me to meet her before I left. But how do I find her? Besides, I don't think the toys would want me to walk around here by my own. I turn back to Mona's office to ask her if she can escort me out, because really, what was she planning? But when I walk in, I don't see her there anymore. I scratch my head, and the feeling of claustrophobia suddenly attacks me when I realize I have no idea what the way is.

"Sid!" A high familiar voice behind me makes me jump. I turn and lower my gaze to the ground and see Toot staring at me, a smile spread across her face. "Carr and Keith agreed that I’ll accompany you outside."

I breathe a sigh of relief, realizing that for a change in my life everything is starting to work out.

  
  
  
  



	11. Being Toyed

Toot has difficult time with saying goodbye, and I am so grateful for that.

It started with asking if I could give her a truck-tour - which took me a while to realize she was talking about _ inside _ the truck, rather than _ with _ the truck. Basically, awkwardly explaining her nothing. It ended after a minute of touring. After that somehow I found myself noticing that we had been sitting in my truck for over an hour, Toot talking to me as she’s digging in all kinds of spaces in the vehicle looking for "treasures". She asks me all kinds of questions about humans, about my life before I met her. Most of her questions deal with two recurring issues - family and friends. The two issues that are most problematic for me as a lonely person. I avoid answering when she tries to figure out why I haven't talked to my family since I graduated high school by making a quick pretend run to pee in the bushes (honestly with all those toys around there’s no way I’ll ever do that again). She gets excited when I tell her I have a little sister, and begs me to let them meet someday (without of course, showing she’s alive). She responds strangely when I tell her about Alissa, seems to suddenly reflect about something sad. Then I remember that she must have heard about what happened with Alissa’s toy, Snuff, even though I omit this detail from the story, and regret that I started the subject.

It embarrasses me at first, feels weird to share, like my whole life is one big sensitive story. I had real difficulty sharing with Mrs. Krang the first time we met, and it took me a few sessions to open up to her completely. I wonder how much Toot really understands, but when I look at her after I say something and regret it for whatever reason, she gives me a reassuring smile, her eyes wide with fascination. 

Although I know she is not as innocent as she looks, I tell her the story of my life like a children's story and censor the less pleasant parts. I'm sure she knows I'm doing this because every time I replace the words "bullies" and "abuse" with "meanies" and "accidents" she pauses for a few moments until she asks me a new question.

Whenever she goes silent I want to ask her questions back, but I don't know where to start or how to say them. Most times, by the time I think of something to ask her, she’s already asking me a new question.

"So... what do you do most of your free time?" I manage to ask between her questions as she takes a break from searching, and lounge on the chair beside me.

"Whatever you do," she replies, and I snort, because I'm sure (and hope) not. She gives me a confused and maybe a little hurt look. I try to switch a topic quickly, before trying to get a reasoned answer from me why it made me react this way.

"Do you spend a lot of time with Carr and Keith?" They are the only toys I have seen her interacting with, but the truth is, I know almost no one who is in this forest except them, Mona and Mr. Pokkins.

"Carr and Keith can be really fun, but when they're with Mona they're too serious," she begins to say, and her voice a little weaker, her cheerfulness less stressed than usual. "And they can be too sticky with each others sometimes, and I love romance!" Toot makes vomiting sounds and I laugh out loud.

"So who do you spend most of your time with?" I'm intrigued, but there’s a part of me that desperately wants to make sure she’s doing good, that this little pink ball of joy is really as happy as it looks. I hope the other toys are good to her, and her quick affection for me is not out of desperation for love. I know about from myself, know exactly how it feels.

"Truth be told, I'm not so attached to toys that live in the forest." She starts to play with the holes in the fabric of the chair nervously, managing to increase them a bit. I’m impressed her little hands are capable of that. "Oops." She’s slowly turning to look at me, apologetically.

"It's ok." I calm her down with a little laugh. "Aren't they nice to you? The toys in the woods?" I ask anxiously.

"They are, it's just… there are a lot of toys there, and it's easy to get swallowed in the crowd there... especially because of my size. The toys there tend to be a little... judgmental." She says and a slight, uncharacteristic bitterness appears in her voice, and before I respond she cautiously adds, "My true friends, my family, they don't live there."

Well, I’m glad she has that. How can someone not love her? But something in her tone sounds alarming, as if she don’t want me to ask her again. Which, of course, just makes me more curious.

But I don't ask, I'm sure if she’d want, she'll tell me some day.

She continues her treasure hunt. Occasionally, she stops and brings me something she has found, asking me to tell her the story behind it. This is usually just trash, but she is so passionate about it that sometimes I come up with a more interesting story than "Once again I bought alcohol illegally to dim my feelings" and I also censor the alcohol part and say soda instead. She gives me the same look I gave Mona an hour before, when I wanted to believe her when she said they would protect me if I needed.

When she finds some tranquilizers that fell between my chairs and asks me if it's candy, I realize it's time to cut it.

"I'll miss you, Sid!" Toot says while she lingers by the door, her cheerful tone of voice doesn’t match her sad eyes. My heart is shrinks to the sight.

"Me too." I say, smiling sadly as well. It feels weird to say it, but so do I. I know Toot for such a short time, but there is something about her that makes me feel... good. "Less than 24 hours we meet again." I try to encourage her, and myself.

"That's right, but…" she begins, and my heart rushes with anxiety. I hope she didn't get in trouble because of me or something. "I want to support you when you face the bad man." She says in the end. 

"The bad man?" It takes me a few seconds to figure out who she's talking about. The only person Toot and I know is Oscar, and so far I haven't got the impression he is a bad man. But then it hits me and an unpleasant feeling passes through my body. "Are you talking about Stanley?"

Toot nods and I can't help but smile a little. I don't know what to say, because I didn't really have time to consider the possibility of reporting him. I'm so scared of this option that it didn't even occur to me until Mona insisted on it. But the fact that the two of them, Mona and Toot, thought about it and it’s important to them, is causing the bad feeling from thinking about Stanley turn warm. Maybe thanks to the toys, I dare to say I could actually do it.

"Don't put yourself at risk because of me." I tell her at the end, and when her gaze shift somewhere else, I force her to promise. In response, she stares at me quietly with glowing eyes. After a few seconds she giggles and then jumps to the ground, waving goodbye for a moment before disappearing into the bushes. I wave back, leaning back in my chair, my cheeks aching from smiling so much.

The rest of the day goes by relatively quick. My acclimatization to all knowledge of toys makes me thinking about things more deeply. Like, the cell phone I saw on Mona's desk. After all, they have no electricity there, so the task of finding a place to recharge it without being caught is difficult. Or, if they have no electricity, how do they see at night? They are limited to using only things on batteries, so they probably have thousands of flashlights. Maybe this toy-town is not as big as I think, after all, I hadn't been inside. And the final question - where's the money coming from?

I can't digest what's really going on there. All the thoughts behind all the things they use. I hope they don't steal things, which I'm pretty sure is what’s happening, but… I better turn a blind eye. In any case, I can't report to anyone that toys are stealing things. I grin to myself when I think it's a reminiscent of the people who blame dwarves for stealing their stuff. _ Wait. _

I find myself shifting from side to side from the moment I get into bed at night, and a few more hours after. Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day. I'm supposed to go to work, after what happened with Stanley. I can't think of that. And if I do decide to report what happened, do I really have the courage to do it?

And after work, I will meet Oscar, another person who knows about the toys and knows them better than I do. It causes me a rush of excitement milled with pressure. Though it fails to transcend the fears of meeting Stanley which makes my body tense nonstop. 

I sigh, my whole body aches from the fatigue and anxiety of all the things that have happened in the last few days. So much is going on, that it feels like it's been a month and not just a few days. I remind myself that if I get tired tomorrow, it will be harder for me to cope. I close my eyes and try to think of something positive. Keith and Carr use encouraging words to calm me down, Mr. Pokkins talking to me in a tone of compassion, Mona promising me protection. Toot smiles at me every time I speak. Finally, I fall asleep, with a smile on my face.

…

As I park my truck in the parking lot of my work, my hands are still holding the steering wheel, shaking, and I want to cry from pressure. I don't want to get out of the car. I don't want to see Stanley. This morning I wanted to call Mrs. Krang. tell her everything (only about Stanley, not the toys) but I didn't have the heart to do it. Even if I could tell her, I wouldn't want to spoil her vacation. I debated whether to take tranquilizers, or maybe drink some alcohol in the parking lot before work. But I know it will only make me worse.

I look at the chair beside me, think of Toot sitting there yesterday, asking me questions with enthusiasm. I imagine her smiling at me, telling me she supports me. I stare at the empty sit and breathe heavily. for an outsiders I might look like a creep, but I couldn’t care less. Something about this suddenly gives me strength. I take a deep breath, know I have no choice, stepping bravely out of the truck. 

I feel like every step I take is slow and long, even though I know it's not really like that. I never thought I'd feel so threatened to be here.

I carefully scan my surroundings. Sighing in relief every time I don't find Stanley in the corner of my eye. He is not in the usual place he smokes at the entrance. And when I walk in, I make quick glances around but don't see him among the other employees. I take the opportunity, and find my feet leading me toward Tucker's office. Suddenly everything is in fast forward, maybe even too much, from the moment I knock on his office door.

Tucker is not surprised to see me, and that may have been the first sign that I had to understand that there was something I was not aware of. I fail in putting the words that come out of my mouth in understandable order, when he gently stops me. 

"I know what happened, and it's in police care." Tucker says, and at first for some reason I feel angry. As if I didn't know, but inside me I wanted to be the one to tell him the story. Like I'm mad at this someone who took the right to tell my story. But I quickly snap out of it, suddenly feeling a little calmer and even sharper.

"Who told you?" I think about it, maybe I should have asked before, 'What were you told?' Because I’m not sure we necessarily talk about the same thing.

"Your psychologist... Vani Krang, I talked to her on the phone." He says, his tone slightly confused when he sees the surprised look on my face. I am confused too, and then realize that it’s probably the toys again, making phone calls that control my life. I choose to not delve into it right now, taking the opportunity that I don’t have to describe in detail what happened, reliving it. That I don't need to see the surprised or disgusted look on his face when I speak. "She said she wasn't sure you'd want to come today. But I'm glad you did."

He really does look pleased. Not cheerful, of course, because it would be just fucked up, but he really seems relieved. Does he need a worker that bad or is it another motive?

"What did she... tell you?" I force myself to ask, my face heating up. I don't really want to hear, I just want to get into my bed and stay there.

He swallows, obviously uncomfortable talking about it. "She told me that Mr. White was trying... made a very serious offense." He looks away, concentrating on his hands. "I'm sorry, Sid." He says in the end.

I don't want to talk about what happened, much more than him, so I wait for him to continue. When he sees that I choose not to speak, he goes on. "You won't see him anymore. But if you still feel uncomfortable continuing to work here, or you want to make a complaint, I'll try to help as much as I can." Tucker says, raising his face to look at me. I know this is due to motives, that he must be afraid I’ll sue him, or make a mess. But it still goes much better than I expected. A big stone drops from my heart.

But then he speaks again, and my chest hurts again. "What frustrates me most is that it wasn't surprising that this happened." Tucker says wearily, and a second after that regrets when he sees my reaction. For some reason I choose to be offended, the first thought that pops into my head is "Did I give anyone the impression of a person that it was prone to happen to?"

But then I remember what Tucker told me in our last conversation. He thought something was going on back then, something I didn't understand what he was talking about. Everything becomes clear to me.

"Did you know that Stanley... that he is _ capable _?" I ask, my voice trembling and weak. Tucker's eye muscle jumps as he looks at me, weighing his words heavily.

After a few seconds he takes a deep breath and talks. "Stanley has, until now, been on probation after being arrested due to complaints about him in the past." I swallow. I feel my nails piercing into my palm, trying to concentrate on that pain instead of the chaos of emotions inside me. My eyes sting, and I don't know if I want to look Tucker in the eye or not.

"I was forced to let him work here, I was not allowed to refuse." Tucker tries to explain himself, desperate. But his voice betrays him, fully aware that he has no excuse for what happened.

I don’t know what to do. On the one hand, I am angry with Tucker, who knew and did nothing. On the other hand, I'm angry at who forced him to hire Stanley, and wondering if it's a true story at all. On the third hand, I'm angry at Stanley, which caused me so much pain, disgust, and anxiety. That I'm not the first, and probably not the last. That Stanley is not the only person who’s capable.

And I'm also upset that I always end in situations being toyed.

I rise from the chair and it’s creaking when it’s pushed back, and Tucker looks at me, confused and frightened. I stare at him for a long moment with a blank face, and the words stream from me without me planning them. "I will continue to work here because I have no choice. But I just want you to promise me one thing."

Tucker nods, looking at me intently. "Promise me that you won't let something like that happen to anyone again. _ Promise me. _" I feel silly, especially as my voice is shaking nonstop and my eyes are wet. But that's really all I want.

Tucker nods again, his voice hoarse. "I promise."

I know there is no truth to this, that people will always live by their own interests. But as I turn around and leave the office, I pause for a moment and close my eyes, trying to hold on to the hope that there may be truth in his voice. He is really sorry. Whatever will be, it will not change what has already happened. The only one who can change what happened is me, and choose to move on. 

During the entire work day, my head is completely empty and I feel nothing. I don't think of anything. Not about Stanley, not Tucker, not the toys, not Oscar. I think I'm in some state of shock from what happened, from how this story ended. Hopefully, at least, it's actually over. I still feel a little scared, but less than I felt before talking to Tucker.

Today is Friday, which means I will now have two days of freedom that I will not have to work or see the other employees. It'll give them enough time to forget what happened. I, on the other hand, will never forget.

The other employees don't really talk to me, and I'm glad of that. They give me strange looks every now and then, but most of the time they stay away. I know I would usually wonder what they thought about what happened, how much they knew, if they suspected it would happen, if they hated me, or felt bad for me. But I just don't care, I'm numb.

But then, something awakes something in me. More like, someone. Halfway through, as we arrive to empty the bins near a supermarket, I hear a _ pssst _ behind me. I'm tense, looking around to see if it's one of the employees. But they stand together in a group, chuckling at something and not looking in my direction at all.

I hear the same voice again, and then "Sid!" And understand that it comes from behind one of the bins. I walk toward the sound with caution, and as I glance behind the bins, on the third I find Keith, Carr and Toot, held in Carr's hands. I smile in joy to see them, and a bit of relief.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, leaning next to them. Toot jumps at me from Carr's hands - who responds in surprise - and hugs me. When her nose twitch, probably from my garbage stench, I laugh. I want to hug her back and remember all the trash I've touched so far. I take off my gloves carefully and give her a few small caresses, she clings to my hand fondly, like a cat.

"We came to make sure you're okay." Keith says, and Carr next to him nods. Toot looks at me expectantly for an answer.

"Now I'm okay." I say and give Toot a smile, she blushes.

"But even before that you were, right?" Toot insists, her voice is childish. I nod, not knowing how to answer that.

"Mona was afraid that you won't be happy with the outcome of what happened." Carr says quietly.

"Well... I'd be glad if she kept me updated that she was planning on telling my boss what happened, but I appreciate it." I say tiredly. Today has not started yet and I am already exhausted.

"I wanted to come and support you sooner, but Carr and Keith wouldn't let me." Toot whispers to me, as if Carr and Keith can't hear her. But they hear and roll their eyes in half amusement and half anger.

"Toot, you know you can't just walk between humans on your own, it endangers you and all of us." Carr scolds her. Toot looks frustrated, and I try to calm her down, because I understand what Carr and Keith are talking about, and I'm sure she is too.

"You promised me you wouldn't risk yourself for me." I say, my voice ranges from amusement to worry. Toot gets it, and instead of responding, she just giggles to herself awkwardly.

"Well, we have to go." Carr says, her gaze resting on something behind me. Before I get to see what she's looking at, Keith suddenly talks, "Oh, Sid, Mona asked if you could come a few hours later today. She wants to give Oscar some time to acclimate, because of the jet lag."

I nod, appreciating Mona's constant sensitivity to human needs. But I suddenly feel as if I’m on spikes again, feeling a bit of disappointment that I have to wait.

"What's jet lag?" Toot asks, her head tilted aside in wonder. "Did something happen to his leg?"

"We'll explain to you on the way," Carr chuckles, lifting Toot off my lap, and I feel disappointment as they walk away, waving goodbye to me.

"And Sid," Keith tells me, his hand gripping my pants for a moment before I decide to stand up, his tone of voice is oddly dark. "I have to warn you about something, but leave it just between us." I feel weird, not just because of Keith's tone of voice, but the fact that he obviously waited for Carr to go so he could tell me something, it’s obvious in the way he’s eyeing her.

"Yes?" I ask.

Keith stays quiet for a few seconds and then speaks again. "Oscar never comes alone, he never did. He always comes with a toy called Artem." He waits for a moment to see that I'm attentive. I nod in anticipation. "Artem is... problematic. He is not a 'rebel' but he is not particularly fond of the Toy Council. He does not exactly belong anywhere, well, except to Oscar."

I nod again, slowly, trying to understand why this information is relevant. If he looks so suspicious, it probably is. Keith continues, "He's doing whatever he wants, and yet Mona lets him enter the forest because she knows it's important to Oscar." 

This information is too vague for me to understand his purpose, but Keith seems determined to pass it on to me. I'm trying to think what might be the connection between Oscar and Artem.

"What are you trying to say exactly?" I ask, confused.

"I'm not trying to say anything specific, just... be careful. I can say for sure that all the toys that live in the forest are good. Mona makes sure of that. But for example, Artem..." Keith looks at me, expecting me to understand what he means. I understand, but aside from giving me unpleasant feelings and even more confusion, I don't feel like it helps. Thinking about ‘bad toys’ is making me feel nauseous. 

"Carr hates when someone talks about others like that behind their back, she is too good. But I think you should know that, in case Artem tries to exert on you the emotional manipulations he does on Oscar." Keith says quickly, a slight anger in his voice, and I hear Carr return in our direction. _ Emotional manipulations? _ I don't know what that means and I'm trying to keep my brain from imagining the possibilities. Whatever the case, I'm even more confused than before. 

"Keith, we gotta go, what are you doing?" She asks him when she arrives, a slight embarrassment in her voice. Toot gives us a questioning look from Carr's hands. But before he can answer it, I hear the workers call me behind and turn around to answer them. When I turn back to where the toys were, they are no longer there.

…

When I finish getting organized at home I remember Keith didn’t state when to arrive. On the other hand, if the toys want to send me a message, I'm sure they'll do it without a problem. I try to pass the time until I have to meet the toys and Oscar as soon as possible. To do that, I know I need to keep my thoughts busy, otherwise it won't end well. I go over the tapes I have, all of which are about horror or violent movies. No, it's not good. I decide to go outside, breathe fresh air.

I usually don't like going outside. Until now, it was mainly because I was afraid to see toys. But in addition to that, humans are also hard to meet. I feel like I always get weird, judgmental looks. I don't know why, but it always felt that way.

I go out with my black hoodie, the hat on my head, despite the hot temperatures. I choose to go precisely where I have avoided going all these years.

Despite everything that has happened in the last few days, I still feel like someone is watching me. I still see these abrupt moves in the sides of my eye. I probably imagine, accustomed to the paranoia that carried me for years. Whenever I pass by toy stores, I am tempted to enter them. Like a prisoner who for years wanted to remember the taste of ice cream. I end up inside one that has always attracted me, because of its giant size.

I look around at all the silent toys on the shelves, feel weird about it. Like I'm looking at corpses. I wonder if they are alive, and if so, do they know who I am? And then remember what Carr and Keith said, that the vast majority of toys don't know me. I look at the happy kids toying with the toys. I wonder how they would react if they knew they were alive. Well, I know how I reacted to that.

I walk to the park and choose a secluded bench to sit on, staring at the peaceful lake in front of me. Although I’m the usual confused and stressed self, I feel relatively calm. I look around, at the families walking in the park, looking happy. Sometimes I forget that life goes on as usual, though sometimes I feel that what I'm going through is an ongoing race that doesn't slow down.

I'm trying not to think about what Keith told me about... Artem, was his name? I'll be alert if that's what he advises me. But why did he say emotional manipulation? 

I shouldn’t be worried, what is one toy against of a whole town of toys protecting me? I close my eyes, try to push every bad thought in my head to the side and make room only for positive thoughts.

After almost an hour of sitting on the bench, my phone vibrates, and when I pick it up I see that I got a message from the number I kept under "Toy Phone". I've been debating for too long about what to call it.

_ "Sid, we'd love for you to come as soon as you can. :)" _it says. 


	12. Oscar

Before I set off, I go to my house to freshen up. All the walking and staying in the sun are not things I'm used to. My mind is so cluttered with thoughts while driving that I almost get confused on the way. 

When I reach the forest, I jump when I see a black vehicle in my parking spot. _ Oscar's rental car. _ I park slowly beside him, almost doing an accident from excitement. When I come out I look inside carefully, thinking Oscar might be there, but I see nothing but darkness. After a few seconds of staring, I step away, but suddenly it seems as if something inside is moving. I look inside again carefully, but there is nothing and I realize I must have imagined.

All around is quiet, the only things that are heard are the birds, celebrating the absence of humans, and the movement of trees with the light breeze. I sit down on the front of my truck.

Keith and Carr always pop up in a few minutes from the time I arrive, but it takes too long and I start to suspect. I wonder if I should just go in, but on the other hand, I will surely lose the way. As soon as I decide to take out my phone and try to call the number Mona gave me, I hear the familiar rustling of the trees, their laughter growing as they approach me.

They land in front of me, looking amused. "Sorry for the delay, Sid." Keith says, breathless from laughing.

"It's okay," I smile, happy to see that they're in a good mood. I was already worried something had happened.

"I-It’s just-" Keith tries to speak, but fails, so Carr speaks instead.

"Every time Oscar does a magic trick, Mr. Pokkins' face is so hilarious, he really believes he has powers." Carr says, wiping a tear of laughter out of her eye, Keith hugs his stomach and cries in pain between each laugh.

"You forgot to say that his magic fails like half the time," Keith struggles to breathe, and in response, Carr starts laughing again. "I would understand if Toot would fall for it because she's so innocent, but Mr. Pokkins, that concrete wall?" he goes on.

Their laughter is contagious and I laugh with them, trying to imagine this strange situation of a human doing magic tricks for toys. I can’t define magic anymore since I found out the toys are alive. _ Isn't that magic? _ I suddenly remember the last time I tried to do magic. It did not go well.

"Well, enough, enough. Let's go." Carr says and pulls Keith's hand, still wriggling with laughter, beckoning me to join.

We walk into the woods, and as we get closer, the usual buzz of toys I start to get used to increases with each step. I think about the fact that every time I'm here I make the same way to Mona's office and back outside, wondering when they will feel comfortable letting me see more of the place.

"Oscy and Mona are talking in her office, they're still supposed to be there." Carr says.

My heart beats with excitement as we reach the door of Mona's office and I hear a new, stronger voice of a guy laughing at something. Carr tells me to wait a minute and goes in to tell Mona I have arrived. I hear enthusiastic voices - probably Oscar and Mona - and after a few seconds Mona appears in the doorway and greets me.

"Sid, come on in." She gestures toward her office enthusiastically.

When I walk in, It’s hard to miss him - his size occupies a large part of the room. He is skinny, but it’s clear that he is relatively tall, at least more than me, his legs folding in the low chair, which I can now see next to another. He smiles at me and his dimple stands out when he sees me, looks as embarrassed as I am, but happy. His skin is pale which causes the beauty spots scattered on his face to be bold and the black hair on his head to be prominent. He wears relatively respectable clothes, a buttoned shirt and tailored trousers, unlike the throwaway clothes I wear with rock band icons and ripped jeans. His face is shaved, unlike my goatee - which is giving me an older look than I really am. I suddenly become aware of myself, maybe I should have dressed more respectable? But he looks young, I'm guessing he’s in his twenties.

The two of us in this little space of toys are like two giants in a dwarf state. He stands up for me, his accent heavy as he speaks.

"It is nice to meet you, Sid." He says and shakes my hand, his voice relatively gentle to the loud laugh I've heard before. I shake my hand back, my face warming from the formality and embarrassment.

"You too, i-it’s nice to meet you." I say, feeling dumb.

"I'm glad you now know officially," Mona says from the table, and I see her sitting in her chair, watching us with a big smile spread on her face. Oscar sits back in his chair, and I sit in the chair next to him. I suddenly notice that Mr. Pokkins is also in the room, sitting in a chair next to Mona with his hands crossed and looking at us quietly, expressionless. I think about what Carr and Keith told me a few minutes ago about the magic and have a small desire to laugh. I Wonder how Mona responds to magic.

Oscar gives me smiles and embarrassed glances every now and then, as if he doesn't know how to function. I totally identify with that. Despite this, his sitting is quite relaxed, showing how used he is to being in this position of Mona's office. He comes from another country, and I feel more foreign than him.

"Sid, I'll explain what's going on," Mona begins, in her official tone, and we both look at her. "Apart from meeting you, Oscar came to help us with some things. If you want, you can join him and help.” I nod, want to ask questions but decide, like all conversations with Mona, not to disturb her in the middle. I'm glad he came for other purposes besides me, it's too much pressure to know that someone came from far away to meet you.

"Maybe we'll start a little tour to break the ice." Mona kind of winks (more like a weird button gesture) at us and I wish I had half the courage this little toy has. "Now that Oscar is here, the other toys will feel more comfortable near Sid." Mona gives no time to respond, and immediately turns to Mr. Pokkins. "Mr. Pokkins, organize the toys at a meeting to let them know that Sid is about to enter."

Mr. Pokkins nods quietly, disappearing behind one of the bushes. Mona turns back to look at us. "I'll be back in a few minutes, for now, get to know each other." She follows Mr. Pokkins, leaving me and Oscar alone in silence.

We both look at each other, laughing awkwardly. I want to say something, but can't choose what. Fortunately, Oscar chooses to speak before me, probably feeling more like he is hosting me than I am. But the truth is, none of us is the host. "That is a lot to digest, isn't it?" He tries to comfort me with a kind smile, and I can't help but appreciate it.

I nod and sigh. "Yes, it... still feels unreal sometimes." Oscar laughs and nods as well. It feels good, to suddenly talk about it with another human. Feeling sane.

"But you quickly got used to the fact. Well, maybe... because of your circumstances." Oscar says quietly, his face a little reddish and it's bold on his pale skin. I wonder how much he knows about me, and how it was in his case. I feel bad for raining questions on him, and uncomfortable doing so. Still, we just met. "Anyway, I'm glad to see that you're dealing with it well. It's not easy to acknowledge their existence." he goes on. I nod, maybe too strong, but I'm just passionate about finally having someone who understands me.

We are quiet. I struggle with my curiosity and I don't want to make a bad impression.

"You're probably tired, you've come from a distance." I ask, or more like, tell him. Oscar nods, and in response he yawns, I don't know if he intentionally does or not. Anyway, it makes me smile. There are a few more seconds of quiet between us, when I search for what to ask him. Suddenly, I hear a flipping noise I see that Oscar has taken cards out of his pocket and is shuffling them. In response, I laugh, and Oscar gives me a confused but amused look.

"It's just, Carr and Keith updated me that you know how to do magic." I say, pointing to the cards.

"It’s actually my job." He says as he looks intently at the cards he quickly mixes in his hands. It's mesmerizing. He suddenly stops and looks at me. "But the tricks doesn't always work out. Or at least, I tell them that so they won't think I have too much power." He says it with such seriousness that I begin to wonder if he is actually serious. I don't know how to respond so I'm just laughing. He spreads the cards upside down on the table, as if he’s in the middle of a performance.

"Choose a card," he orders me, and I pick up one of the cards and look at it. A red queen of hearts. He collects the cards and tells me to put my card back in the package and mix it. I have seen this trick several times in my life, but I go with it. I didn't think I'd find myself in front of Oscar as he tries to do magic tricks to me.

I return the package to him. He examines it, pulls out a card and shows me. "Is that your card?"

I'm grinning, it's not. The card that came out is a black 5 of diamonds. I shake my head, feeling embarrassed for Oscar. Oscar examines the wrong card in his hand with confusion. "Are you sure?" He asks me again, and I nod.

"Well, I tried." Oscar shrugs and collects the cards back into his pocket. At the same time a few toys come into the office together, Carr, Keith, Mr. Pokkins, Mona, and also Toot. Seeing them all makes me smile. When Toot sees me, she happily climbs on me while calling my name.

"Once again I failed magic." Oscar disappointingly informs Carr and Keith while they’re climbing and hanging on him fondly.

Keith holds in a laugh unsuccessfully, and Carr tries to cheer Oscar up. "Cheer Up, Oscy, you can count on Mr. Pokkins to never stop believing in your magic." When she says this, Mr. Pokkins grumbles and looks away, embarrassed.

"Oh," Oscar says suddenly, and Carr and Keith look him wide-eyed, as if knowing something is going to happen. "Mr. Pokkins, if that is really true, maybe you have something in your suit for Sid?" Oscar asks Mr. Pokkins, his voice has a slightly wicked tone. Mr. Pokkins stares at him with a threatened look and with a shaking hand reaching inside his red suit. He pulls out a card and seems genuinely shocked to see it, as if he really didn't know it was there. He throws it to the floor in terror, making an agitated expression I didn't think he can make. I pick up the card and look at it. A red queen of hearts. I turn to stare at Oscar with wide eyes and Oscar seems pleased. Carr and Keith start laughing again, I don’t know if they understand what is really going on here, or that Mr. Pokkins' reaction just made them laugh again.

"Shall we start the tour?" Mona faces me and Oscar, and we nod, we both get up from the chairs, feeling like two giants in the dwarf state even more. Carr and Keith drop back to the ground and lead us enthusiastically, Mr. Pokkins and Mona right after them. Toot finds a comfortable place between my neck and shoulder, holding me tight. 

Oscar stops me for a moment before we follow them. "And another thing, if you notice, the card I picked up at the beginning, had the number 5." He whispers to me in the ear that Toot is next to. I nod, waiting for him to continue.

"And what was the number of toys in the room?" He asks me and I count loudly and when I reach five I hear Toot gasping enthusiastically. "Plus, if you were paying attention, they were in a diamond shape when they came in."

I give him a half confused, half amazed look, don't know if I believe it. Oscar waits for a few seconds and then laughs. "I'm messing with you," he gives me a little friendly pat on the shoulder. "It was just a coincidence." He winks at me on the way out and I hear Toot giggling in my ear.

When we reach the entrance to the small town of toys, I give a side look at Oscar, to see what his reaction is. He is nonchalant, while I'm busy getting excited and preparing myself for what I'm going to be exposed to. I Wonder how long he has been communicating with the toys. When he notices I stare at him, he smiles kindly at me and I look away.

Suddenly I realize Mona has been talking for a few minutes, and probably to me, because I notice that everyone's eyes are on me, not just Oscar’s. "Sorry, what did you say?" I ask Mona, my voice stuttering as I speak.

Mona doesn't change her expression, but the other toys are giving each other a weird look. "I explained some things to you, didn't you listen?" Her tone of voice remains steady, although for some reason I expect her to be angry with me for not listening to her. Mrs. Krang once talked to me about the fact that I probably have some authority issues. 

I shake my head slowly, finding it hard to look her in the eyes. "Okay, so I'll make it short." She says, doesn't seem angry. Sometimes I wonder how she manages to be so patient with me. "The most important thing to note is that notice you don’t step on some toy by mistake, because there are a lot of little toys," I think of Toot, how small she is and how I'm always afraid I'll accidentally step on her, but somehow she’s okay. Mona too, maybe not small as Toot, but she is so noble in her behavior, and somehow always makes me look her in the eyes, that I sometimes forget about it. "And be alert in case a toy looks like it feels threatened by you. Of course we'll try to pay attention to it ourselves, but in case we don't, keep a low profile - as much as you can of course."

Mona doesn't give me time to respond, or ask questions, and we just go in. I'm moving forward after Oscar, as if being behind him will protect me from something. I'm sure he notices it, but don't seem to be bothered. He’s aware of what I’m going through, from experience. To think he was - probably - alone. I don't know why I feel the need for it, maybe in case the toys feel too intimidated by me, or I still have fears they hold a grudge for me and it's all a ploy to get revenge on me. Well, if that's what it is then I might even feel honored that they went so far as to take revenge on me.

But it's not like that, and I know it now. We move slowly, and in the beginning there is a small kind of "corridor" of trees before actually stepping in, and then everything is exposed in front of me.

It looks like the little glimpse I get each time, only for a greater distance than I expected. Everything is fenced in with trees and I can see the edge, but it is a bit far. Now that I'm inside, I pay attention to more details, and some of their buildings are tall, some almost my height. Everything is so colorful, both their buildings and the toys themselves, and there’s so many of them. The speech and mechanical noises are much louder in my ears. There are even toys that fly in the air and I panic as one passes really close to me, but I think he is much more panicked than me. It looks like a small dwarf town.

At first, they don’t see me when we are still delayed at the entrance. I stand behind Oscar, afraid to reveal myself, hiding my hands in the pockets of my pants. But slowly they notice that I am there too, and I begin to hear whispers that express my name. They slowly fall silent, and then I notice that they are beginning to make way for us.

We keep moving forward and I maneuver between looking at the ground and making sure I'm not stepping on any toy, and peeking sideways. Some of the toys continue to behave normally, and the others are mesmerized by my presence. Some of the toys wave at me, and I wave them back, looking enthusiastic and embarrassed. Some look scared, hiding under things or behind other toys, but still stare at me curiously. But no one seems angry, or threatening, they all seem friendly. Until a few days ago standing here would have been a nightmare for me, but now, everything feels so magical, and not scary at all.

Oscar gives me a look, to check my situation. I give him a small smile to show that everything is fine. I remember that Toot is on my shoulder, feeling like she’s guarding me. I give her a little petting and I hear her purring quietly in my ear.

I remain in my position behind Oscar, still feeling a slight insecurity and wanting to avoid any kind of bad encounter. We reach some kind of stage and I see Mona climb on it, followed by Mr. Pokkins and then Oscar. I follow them carefully, the stage adds to my height and gives me a stronger feeling as if I'm a skyscraper and emphasizes my difference. I'm a little embarrassed when I see all the toys that keep staring at me in amazement, but it's better than they would look at me differently. I wonder how they reacted when Oscar arrived, when it was the first time.

In the middle of the stage lies two folding chairs and Oscar sits on the farther one, signaling me to follow him. I am grateful for his sensitivity to me.

Opposite the two chairs is a high table and Mona climbs it on the small ladder attached to it, similar to the ladder attached to her desk in her office. She stands on it, almost at our eye level. "What do you think, Sid?" Mona asks, pride is bold in her expression.

It takes me a moment to pick the right word. "This is amazing." I say, breathless. I hear Oscar exhale with a laugh.

"We are continuing to work on improving our quality of life. Of course, a big part of that is thanks to Oscar." Mona nods at Oscar, who looks embarrassed but smiles nonetheless. I identify with it so much.

"Oh, Oscar, before I forget." Mona says and turns to him again. "Did you happen to bring the parts I asked of you?"

Oscar makes a noise of "Oh," then puts a hand into one of his pockets, searching.

"These are very specific parts of some damaged toys that we couldn't find anywhere. Luckily for us, Oscar has a relationship with a man who makes our specific requests with his own hands." I understand after a moment Mona explains to me the situation, and nod.

"Does he know about you?" I ask, though I’m pretty sure what the answer is, but still curious.

"No, but he thinks it's for my magic." Oscar continues to search his pockets, but looks lost. "I think I left it in the car. Artem is waiting for me there, I will ask him to bring it-"

"There is no need." Mona suddenly cuts him off sharply, the look on her face suddenly loses from its softness. Oscar doesn’t seem surprised, maybe a little sad. "You can bring it tomorrow," she continues, her voice returning to its usual tone.

"I hope I won't forget." Oscar interrupts her too, a little impudently, but Mona doesn't seem bothered. I remember Artem being the name of the toy Keith told me to watch out from. I want to ask Oscar about him, but I have a feeling I'll hear from him again. Things are connecting when I remember seeing something moving inside Oscar’s car. Was it... Artem?

I notice that during my reflections Mona and Oscar developed a conversation between them about all sorts of things that the toys need Oscar's help with. They talk to each other in such normalcy, Mona less formal when talking to Oscar, and Oscar kind to her but not out of being polite - more like a friend. I'm losing attention, so I have no idea what they're talking about. They also mention the names of all kinds of toys I don't know, giggling when making private jokes. It’s obvious that they have knowing each other for a long time. I feel a pinch in my heart, a little jealous of their relationship, a little distinct. 

Obviously Oscar is a good person, from the moment I arrived he was only trying to make me comfortable, even though sometimes it embarrassed him. It's obvious that the toys are very fond of him and caring for him (the way Keith talked about Artem, saying he manipulates him emotionally - what’s up with that?) and according to what Mona said, he never hurt any toys. _ Unlike me. _

I search for Toot on my shoulder and feel emptiness where she was. She must have gone without me noticing. I'm alone.

All the things that gave me a sense of security are slowly disappearing. Oscar is perfect, in everything I fail he seems to be doing right. I have known him for such a short time but it’s obvious. At first I’m surprised by this thought, but I cannot deny it; I want the toys to love me and consider me family as they always say but I have trouble digesting. And now that I see the better example in front of me, I wonder if they will ever really be able to love me.

But despite my thoughts, Mona is giving me occasional glances as they talk. Like she's paying attention to me, even though she's busy talking to Oscar. The looks she gives me are not ‘look at the example how you are supposed to behave’ like my parents would sometimes give me when comparing me to my supposed "perfect" sister. The looks she gives me are looks of caring, showing me that she is aware that I am still present and that she is paying attention to me, and that I’ll know it’s okay that I don’t understand what is going on.

My thought is verified when Mona stops their conversation in the middle. "We seem to have drifted into conversation, apologies, Sid." Mona smiles at me, and I feel a desire to cry. I don't know how to digest all that kindness.

"That's - that's fine." I say quietly, trying to repress my feelings.

"We just have to get as much stuff done as we can before Oscar has to go home," Mona explains. "I'm afraid we won't get them all."

"Maybe Sid and I will go get the parts from my car, so we can start repairing the poor toys today." Oscar suddenly suggests, looking too enthusiastic. Nevertheless, he emphasizes the word ‘poor’ as if to provoke something.

But Mona doesn't seem to address it. She seems undecided, as if trying to find a way to prevent it in a convincing kind of way. She’s acting weird. "Maybe Sid can help us with some things in the meantime, to save time," Mona says, her tone struggling to stay calm. I shift my gaze between them, confused. I would think they were arguing about quality time with me if it wasn't a completely ridiculous thought.

"Oh, I also have some boxes to bring from the car. Maybe if Sid helps me it will be quicker." He smiles at me, obviously feeling bad he put me at a point I can't refuse. But on the other hand, I have a strange feeling that this is his goal.

Mona seems to have no way of contradicting it. "...Okay. But come back soon, so we'll hit the daily goal." Mona looks worried and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. What is she afraid of? Maybe I should be scared too?

"Don't worry, Mon-mon." This is the first time I've heard Oscar - or anyone - call Mona by a nickname. It feels so incompatible with her formal appearance. But Mona doesn't seem like she gives it too much importance, waving goodbye to us as she steps off the stage (and pausing a little while waving to me?) and disappearing into the toy crowd. The toys are giving her space wherever she goes so she never bumps anyone.

As Oscar and I stand up, I notice that Mr. Pokkins has been sitting on the side of the stage all this time, in this eerie silence of his that makes me forget that he is present too. His red eyes only make him look more threatening, but I can't forget the softness in his voice when he talked to me on the phone, and he really did sound sorry for what I was experiencing.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" I hear Oscar say suddenly, and I look at him in confusion. Only after a moment do I realize he didn't speak to me when I see him staring down at Mr. Pokkins.

"I would appreciate if you don’t include me in your magic next time, Mr. Azarov." Mr Pokkins says as he is trying to look angry but he only seems scared. I feel a little bad for him. Though I can’t help to notice it doesn’t seem like he has anything against Oscar, as he seemed to have against me when we just met. Oscar softens even the tough Mr. Pokkins.

"Sorry, would you feel better if I explained how I did it?" Oscar sounds sincere, no disrespect in his voice.

But Mr. Pokkins's answer surprises me. "No, I'd rather believe you really have powers." Something about how he says this sounds really dark that it even surprises me more than what he actually says, but maybe it's just in my head. Mr. Pokkins signals with his head for us to follow him and leads us out of the toy neighborhood.

Apparently, Oscar knows the way out on his own. I don't understand how he differentiates all those trees, but apparently he really is here so much that it's not a problem for him. At first, it seems as though Mr. Pokkins wants to accompany us (well, not really wanting to, but seems obliged) but realizes he has no justified excuse to do it because Oscar knows the way. We walk past the monkeys a moment before Mr. Pokkins says goodbye to us and they whisper to him about something. Oscar doesn't seem to give too much attention to it, so I try not to think about it as well.

The conversation between them ends when I hear Carr uttering too loudly "We can't stop them from meeting forever!" Then Keith silences her, giving us - mainly Oscar - a look like he hopes we didn’t hear that. But we heard. Oscar sighs beside me, but remains silent.

"Sid and I are going to my car. We'll be back soon." Oscar tells them wearily and goes before giving them a chance to respond. I give them one last look, the three of them look at me anxiously. My stomach shrinks and I stop after a few seconds of walking, when we're already far enough so they won’t hear.

"What is going on?" I ask, my voice coming out a little too nervous than I expected.

Oscar scratches his head - an action I also do when I'm stressed (he’s like my improved version) - and weighs his words as he shifts to look at me. "They do it because they are... worried about you." Oscar says bitterly, catches me off guard.

"I get that, sort of... but what are they worried about?" I ask anxiously. Maybe a little angry, I'm sick of the constant confusion I've been experiencing in recent days.

"They have no reason to worry, that's the point." Oscar says in frustration, continuing to head toward the exit. I follow him, have no other choice.

"And still?" I ask, now the anger is getting to my voice and Oscar suddenly stops, looking at me with an expression that I can't figure out. Suddenly I regret it, afraid I might have pushed too far.

But his shoulders suddenly drop, as if the tension in them is gone. "Didn't they 'warn' you?" Oscar sounds more surprised than bitter, but obviously he still feels that way. He emphasizes the quotation marks with shaking fingers, probably from annoyance.

"Warn from what?" I ask and after a second I remember._ Artem. _"Oh," I say at the end, not explaining myself but Oscar seems to understand that it hit me.

"Forget everything they told you. It's all nonsense." Oscar suddenly says aggressively and continues toward the exit. I choose to shut up and swallow my fear of the unknown. 


	13. Artem

Oscar stays quiet until we step out of the forest. I don't ask questions, afraid he's upset. When I manage to see his face, even though he’s walking too fast, I see that he’s rather sad than angry. As we go out, I dazzle from the still-blazing sun, remembering once again how dark it is in the shadowy forest. I can't fight the urge to close my eyes and breathe the moment I’m out. The quiet here is addictive, another thing I tend to forget.

Oscar stops suddenly and stares straight ahead. I notice the door of his vehicle is open. For a moment, I'm afraid someone might have broken into his car (although people aren't supposed to be here) but when I shift back to look at him, Oscar seems disappointed. He gives me an apologetic smile when he sees the confused expression on my face, heads for the car's trunk and closes the open door on the way there. 

"Well, we don't have a lot of boxes to carry, I think we'll be able to carry it all at once." He says as he opens the trunk, and I feel a wave of heat come out of it and take a step back. Oscar whistles. "I hope nothing melted in this heat."

As Oscar leans into the trunk and I look around. I see no sign of Artem, not that I know how he looks like. He might even be a grain-sized toy.

"Your English is very good," I choose to say suddenly, not knowing where it comes from. Probably to break the silence.

"Ha, thank you. The truth is that it has improved because of my conversations with the toys here." Oscar says into the trunk.

I peek inside while Oscar pulls out the boxes one after the other. Most of them are regular plastic and cardboard boxes, such as ice cream packs or shoes. They are closed, so I don't know what's in them, but they don't look very heavy.

"How long have you been in contact with the toys here?" I ask as I watch him. I feel uncomfortable standing and doing nothing, but I would also feel uncomfortable if I touched his things.

"Hmm… something like, three years?" Oscar looks at me and wipes the sweat on his forehead. I give him a surprised look. Three years? This is much more than I expected. "But if you've meant to ask how long I know they're alive, then the answer is six years. Huh, I was the same age you are right now. What a coincidence." He adds casually, and my eyes widen. _ Six years? _ And to think I only found out the truth the other day.... I want to know his whole story even more now, but Mona said it's a… sensitive story. I know a thing about sensitive stories, so I'm trying to hold back, hoping he'll tell me later.

Just before he closes the trunk, I see a purple box that I hardly ever saw because it was almost camouflaged in the black carpet. It says something in Russian and is decorated with lighter purple flowers that look like had been painted by an amateur.

"What about this box?" I ask, pointing to the purple box. Oscar looks at me in confusion, then at the box, and when he realizes, he smiles, no longer looks moody as before. 

"No, it's my magic box. It opens to a small table, it's quite useful." He says and knocks on it proudly. I smile.

"What's written on it?" I ask curiously.

"_ Oscarieus. _ That's my stage name." Oscar says so earnestly that when he sees that I can't resist laughing, he relents. "I know I'm a dork, but that's part of the job."

I want to explain to him that on the contrary, I appreciate it. I wish I had such an interesting profession, and I wasn't just an unambitious garbage collector. And as far as I'm concerned, if a little doll wasn't stressed for us to come back I would ask him more questions about it. But Oscar is already busy loading the boxes on his hands with fatigue.

"Ah, Sid." He suddenly remembers when I start to pick up the boxes myself, I stop and look at him. "Can you bring the small bag of the rare pieces that Mon-mon requested? This should be on my seat." He says apologetically. "Sorry I ask you so many requests and we only just met."

"It's okay, you're already with the boxes on your hands." I smile at him honestly, walking to the driver's seat. When I open the door, I expect another heat wave, but the door until a few minutes ago was open so it does not happen.

I find the bag on the seat. It's opaque, so I don't know what's inside, just feel unclear shapes.

When I'm about to step out, something appears in the corner of my eye from the windshield and casts a shadow on me. I shift my gaze and am surprised to see a pair of very bright eyes pressed into the glass staring at me curiously - but they are not human. From the surprise, I hit my head at the roof of the vehicle. _ Ouch. _

I hear Oscar's quick strides on the ground behind me. "Sid, is everything okay?"

I get out of the vehicle quickly, my head is still in pain and I gently rub the aching place, unable to move my head in the direction I saw - or imagined - whatever that was.

I don't have much time to wonder what it was when Oscar has already shifted his gaze to the front of the vehicle, putting the boxes quickly on the floor and going in the same direction. My ear is still a bit deaf but I think I hear him yell "Artem!".

I turn to stare slowly at Oscar’s direction, and see him standing in front of something that looks like a boy sitting on the hood swinging his legs and looking at him from down below. I can’t see his face, only his back, but it’s clear that this is not a real person, despite his humanoid form. He has smooth black hair like Oscar's, and he wears similar clothes to him only in different colors and to a much smaller extent. I look at him wide eyed. He is relatively large to the other toys I have seen so far. 

I stay in my place, not knowing how to respond. When Oscar talks to him, his eyes glow with enthusiasm in a way I haven't seen until now. But I don't understand one word, because they talk to each other in Russian.

Until I hear my name mentioned. They both move their gaze to look at me in sync, which makes me take a step back. I swallow.

Artem's face is similar to Oscar's features, only in a younger and doll-like version. His cheeks are flushed and full with freckles, and his lashes are long. He has the beauty of a porcelain doll, but is larger and longer, and he seems like he’s made of plastic.

He smiles at me, his eyes squint and his head tilts with curiosity, but something about his overly bright eyes makes me uncomfortable as he stares at me. I don't know what really makes me feel a little intimidated, whether the fact he looks so human and at the same time not, or that I can't really decipher his facial expression.

Maybe Keith has influenced me too much, and I'm delusional. When Oscar looks at him he seems so... loving.

"Sid, come here!" Oscar calls me and signals me to come enthusiastically. "Get to know Artem!"

I approach slowly, noticing that my hands are holding the fabric tightly in my pockets.

"Hello," I say, trying to smile politely.

"Hello, nice to meet you, Sid." His voice is as deep as a mature person, and I don’t understand why it still surprises me, considering that it’s the case with most of the toys I have met so far. His accent is the same as Oscar's, but a bit more refined. Now that I'm closer, I notice the dirt and imperfections in his face that show he's been around for a good few years. He smiles at me like Oscar smiled at me earlier today the first time we met and reaches out a hand to me. I gently pull my hand out of my pocket and squeeze his.

"Nice to meet you too." I say and smile politely, trying to prevent the thoughts that run through my head from showing in my expression. I wonder if he feels weird talking to me like I feel weird talking to him, but he doesn't respond that way. Maybe because he's used to talking to Oscar.

I realise I failed to disguise them when his crooked smile is suddenly gone. "The toys already talked shit about me?" Artem suddenly says bitterly, and Oscar looks embarrassed and stares at him and mutters something that sounds like "_ Dorogoy... _" It’s the first time I hear a toy curse and it surprises me. I guess Artem really is different from them. 

"Don't worry, I don’t bite." Artem tells me, smiling sarcastically. Oscar looks like he wants to say something, but doesn't know what.

"It's okay," I say suddenly, surprised at myself. Maybe I'm talking out of fear or maybe I'm just feeling bad for Artem because I know what it's like to be an outcast. "I don’t believe everything I’m being told so easily."

"I like this guy." Artem says, smiling at me. His smile doesn’t seem malicious, but on the other hand, the toys that had attacked me in the past didn’t seem vicious either, only in my nightmares. I suppose only in time will I know if I can really trust him, like the other toys on the council. Keith didn't say what he said for not reason.

Oscar caresses Artem's plastic face and smiles at him. "We better get going." He says and looks at me. I nod.

We start to pick up the boxes and only after a few seconds of walking into the woods do I hear small noises of crushing branches behind us and notice that Artem has joined us. He walks with such nonchalance behind me that I’m feeling threatened, even more than when I first met Mona. But my distressed stares don't seem to bother him because his gaze is fixated on Oscar who’s walking beside me. 

I feel uncomfortable asking Oscar any questions now, so I choose to stay quiet. But it doesn't really matter, because we don't get too far in until we are blocked by the chain that supposedly prevents humans from entering. I stare at it in confusion. I forgot it existed, was it down until now?

"When did they get it back up?" Oscar asks and confirms my thoughts. The toys did put it down - until now. Not that we really have a problem getting through it, but with the boxes on our hands it will be challenging. But that's not the problem.

Artem snorts behind us. "They can’t be serious." He says mockingly. I look at the Oscar, who just sighs and puts the boxes on the ground. I do the same, confused.

But I'm not confused for long, because Carr, Keith, Mr. Pokkins and Toot come from behind one of the bushes. Each of them with a different expression when they see us, though none of them are surprised.

Toot hopps toward us and when I think she's about to leap on me she heads towards Artem and jumps into his arms enthusiastically instead. It would be a lie to say I'm not a little disappointed. 

"Arty!" She calls enthusiastically, and Artem returns her affection. Oscar gazes at them with a grin, but he's the only one.

"Is there a reason you're here, _ Chucky? _" Keith hisses and I can't help but smirk to the nickname. I wonder what the toys think of movies like this.

"_ Hey, _" Oscar scolds Keith, and this is the first time I've seen him get mad at a toy, a bit like a parent scolding his child. Keith looks hurt, but says nothing. I don't think he expected anything else. In any case, it's clear that Oscar isn't really angry, just upset.

"Very brave of you to say that while you let Sid Phillips walk among you," Artem says bitterly and I freeze, confused by his sudden attack. Though I'm not really offended, because something in his tone gravely states it’s not personal, it's just his personal frustration talking. Still, I am uncomfortable with the mention of what I have done, as if it’s taboo, as if I’m in denial of the fact the toys are aware of it very well. But none of the toys give me a weird look, busy with being angry at Artem.

"Besides, I don't recall being banned from here." Artem frowns, and Toot seems frustrated in his arms, as if this war is something that happens all the time.

"Why did you return the chain?" Oscar asks, still upset but trying hard to hide it.

"Because they don’t want me to come." Artem crosses his arms too hard and Toot squeezes between them until he notices and releases her, looking a bit guilty.

"Like you can't go through it," Keith crosses his arms the same way as Artem.

"Don't pretend—" Artem starts, but is interrupted.

"Don't start," Mr. Pokkins cuts sharply and I look at him in surprise. "Thank you for bringing these things, Oscar and Sid. Mona has requested that you put them in her office. She is currently busy and will have time later on." He goes to the end of the chain and opens the knot around the tree, so the path opens before us.

"Artem," his gaze shifts slowly toward Artem, unclear expression on his face. "I would like if we could talk in private."

Artem nods blankly and puts Toot on the ground. Mr. Pokkins disappears behind one of the bushes and Artem follows him in his nonchalant walk, hands in his pockets. Oscar stares at them, looking worried.

"Shall we go?" Carr speaks for the first time, exhaling hard as if she had held her breath until now. I turn to look at her and see that she and Keith each hold a box on their back, helping us. Oscar nods affectionately and we pick up the boxes.

While we wait for Mona in her office with the boxes and Carr goes for inquiries, Keith enthusiastically suggests that Oscar shows me his finger trick. Oscar gives me a look of 'go with it' and then he does this trick as if his thumb is cut off. I pretend to be amazed while Keith is laughing hard, giving him the doubt that this is not the most known trick in human history.

But I'm really amazed for a moment when Oscar's blood splashes out of his thumb, and then he shows me with a smug smile the little bottle hidden in his hand. Keith laughs even louder, unbothered by the fact that the fake blood has colored some of his pink fur.

"Sid, do you think you can ever show me your shotgun?" Keith's laughter dies and he asks suddenly. I stare at him wide eyed.

"You have a shotgun?" Oscar asks me anxiously.

"I-It was for self defense..." I try to explain myself, my face is warming, but Keith is already laughing again. I'm not sure what's going on in his mind.

"Yes, against us. Like it would have helped." Keith says, not in anger, still amused. Oscar joins him, looks amused but doesn't take it lightly. I feel uncomfortable, suddenly worried if the toys here do have a grudge against me and hope it doesn't make a bad impression on Oscar. I'm trying to shift the conversation elsewhere, though I wonder why Keith brought it up in the first place.

"Where's Mona...? Didn't she say you have a lot of things to do today?" I quickly ask.

"I also wonder about that, Carr was supposed to return already." Keith looks around in confusion, as if to seek an answer. He seems a little worried. I have to say it's cute.

"You are cute together, you and Carr I mean," I suddenly find myself blurting out, probably not to let the conversation die and to encourage Keith. They both work.

Keith looks at me. "She's the most important thing to me in the universe." He says seriously and with a dreamy smile spreading on his face, and although he is a pink furry monkey toy, he looks so human. Oscar smiles next to me. I wonder what it's like to share a toy life with another toy. I don't know how long they usually live, but I have a feeling it’s a long time.

"I mean, I love the twins too," Keith adds, and I’m giving him a confused look. "The humans, our owners." He explains and I nod. "But they don't need us anymore..." Keith muses aloud, a little sadness in his voice. 

"I think I'll go make sure everything is okay," Keith says suddenly, nodding at us for a moment before disappearing behind one of the bushes. I look around and think about that we are alone. I wonder whether to seize the moment and ask questions, but on the other hand, we may still be eavesdropped. _ Ugh, I'm such a paranoid. _

My eyes stop on the cork boards with our names. I get up and stand in front of them, and Oscar follows me with his gaze, staying in his chair. I haven't tried to read what's written until now, because I haven't really had a chance. But now when I look at them, I don't understand anything. I don't know if the writing is really bad, or is it a language I don't understand.

"Give up, you won't understand what's written there," Oscar says suddenly behind me. "There's nothing particularly interesting anyway." He yawns tiredly. “Unless you count the color of your underwear interesting.”

“Wait, are you serious?” I stare at him with a dumb face and he laughs and shakes his head. I frown. 

"Are you sure there’s nothing interesting?" I ask and my eyes are caught on Sabrina's board. _ Sabrina. _ I have to ask him about her.

I turn around to look at Oscar again but this time he seems to be playing with his cards. It reminds me that I once had (before the last 8 years) a squeeze toy that I would carry around in my pocket everywhere and squeeze my anger out of it in stressful situations. Now that I know the toys are alive I wonder if it was alive too and if I hurt him every time I did it. A strong shiver goes through me and I try to get back to the previous topic I was thinking about.

"Oscar-" I start and of course the toys come just when I want to ask. It’s going to be difficult finding alone time with him. But it's not Carr and Keith, or Mona, who come in. Neither does Mr. Pokkins.

Artem comes in alone, and then leans on one of the trees at the entrance with his hands crossed on his chest, apparently waiting for Oscar to notice him.

Oscar slowly lifts his eyes from the cards and they glow when he sees Artem, who as a response approaches him with a satisfied smile spread across his face. Oscar picks him up and sits him on his lap, holding him in a kind of hug. Artem returns the same dreamy smile Keith had a few minutes before.

Oscar starts speaking Russian and then immediately switches to English when he remembers me being there. "What were you talking about?" Oscar asks him.

"Toy stuff, not something serious." Artem says casually as he plays with Oscar's fingers. It's cute, but I can't ignore the fact that something about him really bothers me. Keith called him Chucky for a reason. 

"With Mr. Pokkins?" Oscar sounds more hurt than surprised, like he doesn't understand why Artem is hiding something from him. "What you have with him?" His tone is emotional and Artem gives him a surprised look from between his arms.

"Someone is jealous?" Artem smirks, and Oscar softens. "Look at how the tables have turned."

"I’m just worried about you, that you won’t do anything stupid." Oscar explains, but changes his expression after a second as if he suddenly realizes he made the wrong choice of words.

"Then you are worried about _ them. _" Artem says in pain and looks away, even though his back is to Oscar. "Anyway, if it's so important for you to know, he asked me for advice." He adds after a moment, deliberately not giving Oscar time to respond.

"Advice? From you?" Oscar sounds surprised, still failing to respond with tact. Even I understand what's going on here.

"You'll be surprised." Artem says sharply, trying to sound offended, even though he doesn't really seem so. Oscar remains quiet, apparently realizing that he is better off this way. "Something about his owner, that's all." Artem adds as an answer to an unasked question. Oscar nods slowly, then hugs Artem harder as an apology gesture. Artem looks blunt, the angry expression on his face can’t remain indifferent to Oscar's warm embrace. 

"You know what's going on with the toys now?" I ask Artem, and they both look at me as if they've already forgotten that I'm here too.

"Not really, but the monkey seemed stressed when she came to call Pokkins in the middle of our conversation. He asked me to not move and wait for him to return but he forgot who he was talking to." Artem says and Oscar laughs at first, and then when he realizes the meaning of what Artem said he goes silent.

"That doesn't sound good, we better go check it out." Oscar says firmly and stands up, holding the surprised Artem in his hands.

"I better stay here," I say anxiously, though I very much want to come. "So I won't cause another mess."

"Don't worry, nothing will happen." Oscar calms me down and gestures me to come after him. I join, my curiosity as usual wins.

I notice that I'm feeling more stressed as we get closer to the entrance of the town. I don't want to make problems, and I have a feeling that the toys - whatever happens there - won't like it. But soon we're already in, I'm taking shelter behind Oscar like last time. We're walking really deep inside, or at least that's how it feels behind Oscar. I don't see much toys on the sides, but I hear their noise and mechanics. Oscar stops and I glance from behind his shoulder to see what's going on in front of us.

A large assembly of toys, probably almost all the toys that live here, around something we can't quite see. But now everyone is looking in our direction, these two giants who just walked in without an invitation. I can't figure out the looks on their faces, but they seem intertwined with horror and disgust. I have a strong feeling it's not because of us and I'm not sure that's a good thing.

I see them making way and then Mona comes out of the crowd. She looks at us from the ground with a grave expression on her face. Sometimes I’m reminded how small she actually is. 

"We're sorry we came in like that, but we were concerned that something is going on." Oscar explains and slowly the toys notice that I'm behind him too and start whispering between them.

"Here he is, it's his fault!" Keith works his way through the toys and stands next to Mona, making her look smaller than she is. He points in our direction. "It wasn't here before _ he _ arrived." He hisses. Sometimes I’m concerned how extreme Keith can be. 

Initially, I think he talks about me and immediately go defensive, desperately searching for the right words even though I have no idea what I'm accused of. But all my stress stops as soon as Artem opens his mouth and I realized he wasn’t talking about me. I let myself be exposed a little more and stand almost entirely by Oscar’s side.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Artem says with such indifference that it sounds suspicious.

"Keith, that's enough." Carr quickly reaches behind him and places her hand on his arm to calm him down. He gives her an angry side look and then calms down as he stares at her face, looking defeated.

"There really is no need for that," Mona points formally, staring at us - and I might be imagining it, but especially at me - with serious, thoughtful eyes.

"What happened, Mona?" Oscar asks, his grip on Artem getting stronger as if he's afraid he'll jump out of his hands and strangle Keith.

"Someone left us a very unwelcome gift here." She says slowly and gently, weighing her words carefully. She sighs and instructs the toys to give us an access path to what they are circling around. Oscar starts walking and I slowly join him, Mona giving me an uncertain look as I pass by.

What is revealed to us makes me want to cry and vomit at the same time. What I clearly identify as, if it only happened yesterday, Snuff's pieces - Alissa's toy that I ripped apart - are randomly pasted on a large cardboard with black ink on it that says: _ “If you continue to collaborate with Sid Phillips, you all will end up like this.” _

All the horrible feelings of the past come back to me with a thud, and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I put a hand on Oscar and use him to stabilize myself, don’t care if it’s appropriate or not. Though it doesn't seem to bother him, he’s only giving me worried looks.

"The chance that a toy from outside came in and hung this abomination in my office without my knowledge is impossible. It has to be someone who knew exactly where I was to take advantage of the time I wasn't in my office. Which means it's someone from here who hides themselves as being a rebel." Mona's voice is aggressive in a level I hadn't heard before, and she gives a scary stare at each toy in the crowd all around us. They all look intimidated, exchanging worried looks with one another. Even I feel a little intimidated by it even though I did nothing.

"It's Artem, it makes the most sense." Keith insists despite Carr's strong grip on his arm.

"It's not him," Mr. Pokkins reaches through the crowd and stands beside them. He stops for a moment to brush his clothes before speaking again. "He was with me from the moment he came in." He says after taking a deep breath. Mona gives Mr. Pokkins a look that seems a bit surprised, but it's so quick he doesn't notice.

"That's why I called you all. Whoever did that - confess. Until then, if I have to, the punishment will be collective. All the batteries from the lights will be taken, and important items will be confiscated." Mona says, making effort to stare into the eyes of every toy (somehow even those without any) with her mismatched button eyes. "I will not tolerate such a disrespectful act toward a toy. And I will not tolerate such attitude toward Sid, our new friend." Mona looks at me, to make sure I'm fine. Through the bad feelings, Mona is the little light. I want to thank her so much for that.

"But Snuff was a rebel." I hear one of the toys suddenly say out of the crowd, and everyone is looking in their direction, though it's unclear who said it.

"It doesn't matter, he's still a toy." Mona says devoutly to all the toys. "And whoever did it is also a rebel, which means the rebels are worse than we thought, if they do such things to each other." Mona is silent for a few seconds, letting the toys around us let off steam. After a few seconds Mr. Pookins clears his throat and silences them.

"Not all the toys here are capable of writing, so the list is narrowed." Mona goes on and the baseball bear - the one that gave me the first note from the toys - goes into the middle of the circle with a list in his hand. "The sooner you admit it, the less your punishment goes. I remind you that the others are suffering because of you." She adds accusatory glances everywhere. The toys begin to whisper between them again. 

"Did you see Toot?" Carr whispers to Keith and I hear her by chance because she stands so close to me. I think she dragged Keith here so I’ll unconsciously serve as a buffer between him and Oscar and Artem. Keith shakes his head. After a few seconds, Carr gives him a kiss on the cheek and works her way out of the crowd. My chest shrinks anxiously. Why is she looking for Toot? Her hands are even smaller than Mona’s, she doesn't think she can do something like that, does she? Besides, she is _ Toot _.

"Sid," Mona suddenly turns to me, and I notice that Oscar is no longer standing next to me. He probably went somewhere when I didn't notice. I suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable, especially with what’s going on.

I turn to look at Mona, swallowing hard. "Yes?"

"I think you better go home, and come here again tomorrow." Her voice is serious but compassionate. I nod, understand the intent. 


End file.
